Question for those who have miscarried....

First of all...Let me just say how very sorry I am for your loss. I can't imagine what you ladies are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

With that said, I have a friend who just miscarried yesterday. She was 12 weeks along. She is a friend, but not like one of my closest friends. I am just wondering if there is something that I can do for her that would help. Although I know that there is nothing that I can do that will take away the hurt and pain, I just want to be able to do something for her. Was there anything that anyone did for you that helped at all or made you smile in such a painful time? Any input would be helpful. Thanks!  

There isn't really anything you can do to make her feel better except let her know that you are there for her.

Just be there for her. And dont be there if she doesnt want you to be.

Its a tough situation, because some people want alot of support, and others, like myself, want to isolate themselves from the world.

I would suggest sending a card and letting her know that you care, that is the most important thing. And then add that you are there if or when she wants to talk. That is what was best for me.

I got my niece a miscariage necklace. It has three stones in it. One for the concieve month, one for the lost month, and one for the month the baby would have been born. She wears it everyday and only she has to know what it means. She told that it means a lot to her becuause it is something that she can look at. I can not remember the link to the website, but I got the idea from someone on here.

Quoting MommaOfAngels:“ Just be there for her. And dont be there if she doesnt want you to be. Its a tough situation, because ... [snip!] ... that is the most important thing. And then add that you are there if or when she wants to talk. That is what was best for me.”

Thanks! That's what I will do.  

I used a website, like a mix between this and cafemom to get over my miscarriage. It is dailystrength.org and was amazing. there is tons of support communities for different things and one specifically for miscarriages. I also really enjoyed the book Avoiding Miscarriage, Everything You Need to Know. It isn't what you expect and really helped me deal with it, by learning about it. Here is what other women who have miscarried had to say about it. http://dailystrength.org/c/Miscarriage-Stillbirth/recs/391-avoiding-miscarriage-everything-you-need

My thoughts and prayers are with your friend. Sorry for her loss.

someone being there at all times of the night when i was crying was the best support. you should tell her about this sight to.

Quoting Mommyof2boys!!:“ I got my niece a miscariage necklace. It has three stones in it. One for the concieve month, one for ... [snip!] ... it is something that she can look at. I can not remember the link to the website, but I got the idea from someone on here.”

Wow, what a sweet gift. I would LOVE to know where to get one....anyone know?

I can tell you be there for her, make a meal so she doesn't have to take care of herself meal wise and when you go to talk to her, even if you haven't been through it, here's what my mom told me that helped me so much when I was sobbing because I was mourning really bad. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this, so many people will tell you its going to be ok but it won't be and that's alright you just cry until you feel better and nobody will judge you for it" And if she will allow you to just hug her and let her know you are there for her. You area good friend for being concerned about her. She is going to need someone to be there.

Quoting lalojayne:“ Wow, what a sweet gift. I would LOVE to know where to get one....anyone know?”

http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage-infant-loss.html?gclid=CM_I2POQ6pMCFRIkxgod8n1gWA

found it!!!!

It doesn't work for everyone, but my nurse let me into the maternity ward (supervised) and let me hold a baby for a little while..... i felt so much better then

Quoting lalojayne:“ First of all...Let me just say how very sorry I am for your loss. I can't imagine what you ladies are ... [snip!] ... that anyone did for you that helped at all or made you smile in such a painful time? Any input would be helpful. Thanks!  ”

Just make her feel good make sure she understands that its not her fault and even if you want direct her to this site. There is alot of help and support on this site and it might do her some good to talk to those of us like me who have been there and done that and know the pain and how much it hurts.

I appreciated people showing their support....it made me feel so horrible when people said 'things happen for a reason' or 'there was probably something wrong' I know they were trying to make it better...but it made it worse for me.

Quoting Sha-Sha-Bear:“ It doesn't work for everyone, but my nurse let me into the maternity ward (supervised) and let me hold a baby for a little while..... i felt so much better then”

I think that would require more strength then I had. I would have died. I didn't want to look at a baby or pregnant woman for at least 4 months. . .

Quoting MandiJo:“ I think that would require more strength then I had. I would have died. I didn't want to look at a baby or pregnant woman for at least 4 months. . .”

yeah I don't think I could've done that. My sister actually found out she was pregnant after I miscarried and she didn't tell me because she was afraid of my reaction, I instead walked in on my mom and her talking about it and started crying. I was sad it wasn't me but more then anything I felt bad that she felt she couldn't tell me.