re: Goodbye :(

Quoting Azaera:“ That is so sad.. I'm crying right now. Taking your own life is the most selfish thing to do.. I wish ... [snip!] ... people better about depression and hopelessness so they don't feel like that's the only option they have left. I'm so sorry..”

The act itself is selfish..but the intentions behind it are not. Sometimes when you're that far into your depression it really seems that everyone around you will be so much happier if they don't have to deal with you anymore. When you feel that worthless..then how can you believe that you have worth to anyone?

My cousin killed himself when I was 13 years old. He had a 3 month old daughter and a fiance. His mother (my aunt) was dying of a brain tumor, and was being allowed to die at home. He stole some of her morphine and killed himself with it. My aunt died 3 months later. I know all too well the pain you're going through, OP. I hope you can keep your head up high and persevere..we're here with you if you need us.

Thank you everyone. Ya'll are so nice & the words are comforting. I wish there was a way to bring her back though.  

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a cousin who killed himself when i was much younger. He came back from the gulf war. He couldnt handle it. His coming home party and the following funeral are still some of my most powerful childhood memories. I remember being so mad so mad that there was all these people at the funeral and he could have asked any single one of them for help and he didnt.

Quoting jessica-burke:“ I am so sorry for your loss. I had a cousin who killed himself when i was much younger. He came back ... [snip!] ... mad so mad that there was all these people at the funeral and he could have asked any single one of them for help and he didnt.”

Yeah thats how I feel. The entire church was filled, they even had chairs set downstairs and loudspeakers set up down there so that those people could listen. There were people standing outside, the church was packed. I know not everyone there was her CLOSE friend but she had so many & we were always there for each other so why did she think I wouldn't or anyone of her best friends wouldn't be there for her this time? It just makes me so mad.

im so sorry
i know what you are going through
my BEST friend of 4 years passed due to suicide 1 year 7 months ago
its so hard to lose someone so close
i didnt even think i could make it, i had so much going on
it was like the topping on the cake
his band even won to open up for taste of chaos the next week
i honesty think his death could have been prevented
in fact I KNOW it could have

Quoting Madden Amber:“ Yeah thats how I feel. The entire church was filled, they even had chairs set downstairs and loudspeakers ... [snip!] ... so why did she think I wouldn't or anyone of her best friends wouldn't be there for her this time? It just makes me so mad.”

I think like that sometimes. Everyone loved my friend that died. Everyone did. Someone said he killed himself because he found out his ex was pregnant and he thought his dad would beat him. I wonder why he didnt just take the beating so that he could be there for his child..? But then you have to think.. He did this because he was obviously in a serious ammount of pain.. no one does that just because theyre scared.. if they did.. id be dead, we all probably would. Something was very wrong and theyre in a happier place now. I still wonder why he didnt say goodbye or why he had to leave.. but i know there must have been something big. He left a note too.. just explaining that he was going to do it.. he slit his wrists, took 20 sleeping pills and hung himself. His little sister found him. But what makes me feel better is visiting him. Visit her. Show her your belly. Tell her you miss her and that once the babys born youll visit. Yes visits end in tears.. but it makes you feel somewhat better.. almost like theyre somewhat there. He died a year ago right after I found out i was pregnant. I had just told him about it. I took my son, Caden to see his grave and let him touch the grave.. i introduced them. and it made me feel a little better. Yes it will still hurt even after a year or two or three.. but dont stop visiting. shes still here for you. i never used to believe in god or religion or anything.. but now i do.. to an extent.. i believe hes here with me.. he sees my son, hes listening to me type this right now. And im sure shes here with you. it seems like a selfish act to kill herself and child and leave you.. but there was somthing more she wasnt telling anyone. she was really hurting.. and she needed relief.. she just took it the wrong way. im so sorry.. no one should have to die like that and no one should have to say goodbye like this. its not fair.. but its life.. and it happens all the time. a friend at my school also died skiing.. he cracked his head in half.. i was there but didnt see it happen.. just loaded onto the bus and we were told what happened. my dad told me once.. hes lost over 20 friends and people hes known or loved.. and he will loose more. you need to think of yourself and your child he told me. only worry about you. even though it hurts.. you cant change what happened.. and it sucks to say goodbye.. but say it.. BUT never forget the memories and never stop talking to them. my dad lost his little brother when he was 16.. he drowned. i cant imagine that.. but it happens and its terrible. i dont know what to say and i dont know if this helped.. but i just wish there was something i could do becaues i know how you feel and its not a good feeling at all. its almost a feeling of hopeless or helplessness. right? denial or confusion? but one day you will find closure.. and when you do you can still talk to her.. bring her pictures to her grave, gifts and presents..and many hugs.. even though you cant see her or feel her.. shes here. I know it.

Quoting Briiiii:“ im so sorry i know what you are going through my BEST friend of 4 years passed due to suicide 1 year ... [snip!] ... to open up for taste of chaos the next week i honesty think his death could have been prevented in fact I KNOW it could have”

When did the pain start to ease for you? I'm sorry for your loss as well.

Quoting Madden Amber:“ When did the pain start to ease for you? I'm sorry for your loss as well.”

it started to ease up a little about 6 months later but the pain is there everyday
but its easier to cope with now
we were attached at the hip
worked together
went to school together
got expelled together
its been rough
i still think he is gonna call me any minute or send me random text

Quoting newlifeofmine:“ I think like that sometimes. Everyone loved my friend that died. Everyone did. Someone said he killed ... [snip!] ... her pictures to her grave, gifts and presents..and many hugs.. even though you cant see her or feel her.. shes here. I know it.”

Wow. Thank you for taking the time to write all that. I went to her funeral & the buriel but I haven't gone back & part of me feels like it's way too hard to imagine going back. I don't want to believe she's REALLY gone. I know when things get really hard for me I used to lean on her, and now I can't imagine having to lean on her grave instead. I'd do anything to bring her back even for just one day so I could know how much she was hurting. Maybe knowing the pain she was in could ease some of my pain of living without her.

Quoting Briiiii:“ it started to ease up a little about 6 months later but the pain is there everyday but its easier ... [snip!] ... school together got expelled together its been rough i still think he is gonna call me any minute or send me random text ”

She was my "wingman" too, kinda like your friend sounds like. We did EVERYTHING together. Joined the same clubs, sports, had most classes together and when we weren't in school - outside of school we were always together too. She was the type of friend that I could be so pissed at but I knew no matter how mad I got at her she'd still love me just the same. I got mad at her a lot cause she's really stubborn but she knew it & I think she played up to it cause she knew I hated it. Thinking about never hearing her voice again is killing me. I should have known something was wrong, best friends are supposed to know those things.

Quoting Madden Amber:“ Wow. Thank you for taking the time to write all that. I went to her funeral & the buriel but I ... [snip!] ... so I could know how much she was hurting. Maybe knowing the pain she was in could ease some of my pain of living without her.”

i know what you mean.. at his wake it didnt even look like him. it was so scarey.. his face was just.. i cant explain it and to this day that image of his dead body is stuck in my hed. they had his wrists covered but his face was there.. and you could see how it was so.. misformed from being hung.. and his nose was sinking in.. i just.. ugh.. i cant think about it without crying. i didnt want to go to his grave either.. because i didnt want to believe he was gone.. but i knew id have to suck it up becuase i was being selfish.. i needed to visit him.. he needed it. i didnt want him to be alone in that graveyard day in and day out. its too sad. im going up today with my son, and maybe bring him a candybar or something. talking about it makes me miss him. but you should visit her.. even if it hurts.. she needs you now more than ever. im sorry you have to go through this. pm me if you need to talk. im here to listen..

Quoting Madden Amber:“ August 24th will forever be the worst day of my life. I knew from the second my Mom walked into my room ... [snip!] ... I'm so pissed about the situation which makes me sad that I'm angry. I can't even think straight. Life SUCKS right now. ”

wow im so sorry! this really made me cry..(im supper emotional) omg i can't even imagine what i would do! im so sorry for your lost! she was so beautiful.....wow my mind is just...ahhh.....wow..all i can say is sorry!