advice please ladies :)

hiya ladies.. hope your all doing good  

ok as some of you know Martin (s/o) has just started visitation to see his kids who he hasnt seen for almost 3 years...long story but not his doing...

today was his first visit with them and was at a contact centre.. he has just called me to tell me how well it went and how happy he was to see his kids etc.

im so pleased for him as i know how hard it has been on him not knowing where they were.

BUT... why does there always have to be a but ??

apprently his ex has told him that she doesnt want to have to mess around with the lawyers anymore and after one more session at the contact centre wants them to arrange thing between themselves...

she has surgested meeting up in the local town and going on day trips and out for meals etc

now of course i want him to spend as much time with his kids as possible but im sooo not happy with the idea of him going on days out with his ex and playing happy families with her while i sit at home 7 months pregnant with his child.

he will be home in an hour or so and i think that we really need to talk about it but i can be very direct with things i say and i dont want to upset him by saying the wrong thing in the heat of the moment.

i would really appriciate any opinions /ideas any of you lovely ladies have on how to bring up my feeling without it turning into WW3.

TIA  

That's a hard one! My SO has 2 kids with his ex-wife and I know how much it means to him when he gets them on his weekends. Why does she have to be there?? Is that court ordered? I mean, if he pushes the issue and keeps it thru the courts can't he get them every other weekend or something, like a normal visitation? If so, I would highly recommened doing that!
I wouldn't like it either if I was you, but if for some reason that was how it HAD to be then I would never ask my SO to give up his time to see his kids just because I was feeling insecure. He would really resent you for it IMO.
I don't understand why she would have to be there anyway.....

Why don't you go with him?

Sometimes what I have to do is write down everything I want to say before hand, and then I just read it off from the paper so that nothing comes out the wrong way or in the heat of the moment. I just usually say "I have some things to say, and I'd appreciate it if you'd wait until I'm finished to say anything .. "

And yeah, I can understand that he may get mad because he does want to see his kids .. but I totally agree with you being weird about the ex and playing happy family. I'd be the same way.

Quoting Sarah_Marie {*HBC*}:“ That's a hard one! My SO has 2 kids with his ex-wife and I know how much it means to him when he gets ... [snip!] ... I was feeling insecure. He would really resent you for it IMO. I don't understand why she would have to be there anyway.....”

his youngest child has recently been diognosed with autism and due to the length of time sonce Martin saw them he has no idea of how to deal with his sons special needs... his ex has to be there to deal with the little boy.

i would never dream of asking him not to see themand i dont want him to feel pulled in two different directions by his two different families but i just cant stand the thought of her being there with him.

Quoting x x madii x x [team pink]:“ his youngest child has recently been diognosed with autism and due to the length of time sonce Martin ... [snip!] ... pulled in two different directions by his two different families but i just cant stand the thought of her being there with him.”

Well, I think that she can show him everything he needs to know after one or two "family" get togethers. He is the childs father and I'm sure he's perfectly capable to taking care of his sons needs, once he learns from her. What does she want? To be there every single time he sees his kids for the next, however many years it is until they're 18? I can understand she'd probably be really nervous about it, but he's their father and has as much right to spend time with them as she does. Alone time! With you and his kids and your new baby once it arrives. But again, JMO.

Quoting trhjrh06:“ Why don't you go with him?”

Exactly go with them, it might upset the baby momma, but you are the new woman in his life I think his kids should meet you to and get to know there new sibling

Quoting agunter03:“ Exactly go with them, it might upset the baby momma, but you are the new woman in his life I think his kids should meet you to and get to know there new sibling”

i think to start with i would feel like i was intruding on his time wih them..its been such a long time since he saw them that they need to bond and get to know each other again and i dont to be 'in the way'.