I dreamed I accidentally killed him.

So, my mom didn't treat me that well when I was a kid. She was downright horrible. Which of course wound up with me being traumatized by the way she treated me and it gave me PTSD which only comes around in nightmares, because I try to avoid thinking about that stuff IRL since she won't admit she did all that stuff to me, or apologize. So, in the dream I was giving Charles a bath before I went somewhere. I ran the water, put him in the tub with the water running, which I never do. Then decided I didn't want to give him a bath, I was just going to leave. So I sat there for 6 minutes trying to figure out what I was doing. Then I got up to leave and saw him at the bottom of the tub with like a foot of water completely covering him. I grabbed him up, almost dropping him back in. His left eye had blood in the white of it, and was bulging out of his head almost. Then I called 911 who didn't understand, and didn't come,30 minutes later he was fine, then I wake up and he's still fine. I hate my stupid dreams and problems. Im really stressed from a couple different things so I'll probably post more when I have some free time later today.

I hate the bad dreamz....
I've had a few about leaving Lily placez.
 

Have you looked into counseling?

Quoting ♥Kitch:“ Have you looked into counseling?”

My mom just wants to throw me in a mental hospital and leave me. Therefore I don't do all that business. I don't really want to take depression medicine because a lot of times people are way worse off when they stop taking it, or they go and purposely kill their kids, Other than my mom no one thinks im in too much trouble so no I don't really have anyone to talk to. Which is why im using the post to help kick off some stress.

Quoting Maisy, and Charles:“ My mom just wants to throw me in a mental hospital and leave me. Therefore I don't do all that business. ... [snip!] ... in too much trouble so no I don't really have anyone to talk to. Which is why im using the post to help kick off some stress.”

Well, if you went to counseling it'll probably help. They would probably put you on some anti-depressants if that's what you really want. Also, you staying with your mom isn't exactly the best thing (looking at your profile and seeing your age is 17, I'm thinking you're still at home with her, forgive me if I'm wrong) and I'd also look into leaving or emancipation because that's not a safe environment for you or your child. The sooner you get away from there, the better.

Quoting Maisy, and Charles:“ So, my mom didn't treat me that well when I was a kid. She was downright horrible. Which of course wound ... [snip!] ... problems. Im really stressed from a couple different things so I'll probably post more when I have some free time later today.”

i had weird crazy dreams when i was pregnant and right after my baby was born.. it could be from stress and the trauma you went through when you were younger, you need to tell yourself that you are not your mother and its not in you too harm or mistreat your child and just know that you have the strentgh to do what it takes to be a good mother if you truly dont believe that than maybe you should considering talking to a counselor or something i know that i had some trauma in my life when i was younger and it made me doubt myself as a mother but since i had made a point to tell myself everyday that i am gonna be a good mom regardless of the past all my bad dreams have gone away sorry i wrote so much hope it helps =)

Quoting Maisy, and Charles:“ My mom just wants to throw me in a mental hospital and leave me. Therefore I don't do all that business. ... [snip!] ... in too much trouble so no I don't really have anyone to talk to. Which is why im using the post to help kick off some stress.”

what a scary dream! some anti depressants may do you good though, people usually only have problems when they stop them cold turkey, without weaning off them. my husband also has PTSD, and takes Paxil, and klonopin, and ativan. the ativan is good because you can take it when you're feeling the anxiety // stress and it kicks in right away. its not something you need to take every day, just when you feel you need it, get it? i dont do a good job of explaining, PM me if you have any questions. i've been dealing with him and his PTSD for years. he has a similar past as you.

i still have nightmares about my first dying. She and I went through a lot together and losing her is still a fear of mine. Drowning is the most common way she goes but sometimes she's stolen or ran over. It's terrifying and I wake up screaming. I've never had those kinds of dreams about my son and I think it's just because I'm not afraid of losing him.

Quoting momof2beautifulgirls:“ i had weird crazy dreams when i was pregnant and right after my baby was born.. it could be from stress ... [snip!] ... that i am gonna be a good mom regardless of the past all my bad dreams have gone away sorry i wrote so much hope it helps =)”

That was SOOO helpful! I never thought that could be why and to tell myself those things. You didn't write too much and it made absoloute sense. Flirtychick84 I understand what you were saying about the Klonopin. That it'd be something to take only in the height of hysteria. And Kitch, we've been working on getting out of here for a long time. Everything looks amazing and like were going to do it and then it's just one set back after another keeping us in. Probably adding to my stress. All of your replies were very helpful. J&ls Mommy, im sorry that you're going through this to, I hope that some of the responses I got help you out.