Why do I feel like throwing in the towel?

My fiance and I are supposed to be getting married October 4th, we have our 2 month old son, and the last few days I just feel like I have checked out of the relationship. Honestly he is not a bad guy, he is actually far from it. I sit at home all day with our son, and when he gets home from work, the first thing he does is go out to the koi pond and feed the fish. Then he comes in, washes his hands and tells me he is going out to the garden and he will be right back in. Well 99% of the time I look out the window after 45 mins to an hour and he is BSing with the neighbors!! And there I am in the house with the baby alone like ALWAYS. Whenever he wants to do something, we go, whether or not I have had a shower that day (or in days previous ) or really even wanna go. I wanna go somewhere it's like pulling teeth. Since Garrett has been born he has gone out on motorcycle rides with friends, to the bar for the neighbor's birthday, out to dinner with his groomsmen, and to the mall with one of his "girl" friends. I had his mom watch Garrett for less than 2 hrs for me to go find a wedding dress. He holds Garrett for 15 mins, and if he cries he tells me that the baby doesn't like him and either puts him in his swing or hands him to me. Even when he does hold him, he watches TV and doesn't pay attention to Garrett. So when he asked why Garrett hated him I told him that he doesn't hate him, he just wants to be talked to and held, not shuffled between swing, crib, and bouncy seat. Now he has accused me of calling him a bad father and we have fought all weekend over it. He will change diapers, and bring me anything I need while I am feeding. But he doesn't seem to want to bond with Garrett. I don't know if it's my frusteration with that that is making me feel this way. All I know is I need to sort this out before we get married...

Wow that does sound frustrating! Try talking to him about it. My husband and I are trying to work out stuff before the baby comes, but you never know how someone will react after, you know? I wish you luck though! I hope it works out for you.

Maybe you should get him a book about bonding with the baby. .?

ugh.. im sorry hun..

you need to sit him down and TELL himn you need alone time. that you need to be able to take a shit once a day without worrying about the baby.. that you need to SHOWER evey day.

my SO tried tro pull the "he baby doesnt like me" crap.
i straight up told him.. Mallory doesnt fucking know you since you're too wrapped up in your own life and it isnt going to get any better unless you pay attention to her. it pretty much shocked him that i told him the truth..

i'd like to give him an excuse that maybe he thinks he's going to be 'tied' down after you guys get married.. but guess what.. he already did that when you guys had a baby.

you just need to tell him straight up.. and if he cant respect that.. he isntthe guy you should be marrying..

I had a convo about this kind of stuff with my hubby and his friend. And the response I got was "we (guys) don't realy know what to do with babies until they can play and interact with us", I believe for some men the paternal instinct doesn't kick in for months. Hang in there and bring it up when you are both calm doing someting else.

I don't know about going out to garden.. I'd be pissed about that, I mean who gardens every night?

But I can say Most men aren't very good with very young babies.. It gets better for most on it's own around 5/6 months.
Dh really got better with Jamil around 3 months when he started laughing, and then again around 5 months, and it has just gotten better and better. Now he can entertain him for a few hours at a time, without me griping. Before I was lucky to get to finish my shower and get cloths on before he was bringing him to me.

Good Luck, and just stick with it, it wont get any better if you don't...

yeah i'd be pissed too if he goes to the garden.
 

maybe if you talk to him about it but you might say you did it already, that baby will eventually warm up to him soon.
i hope everything goes good!
 
and ill keep an eye on him if i were you.
 

Listen, not trying to stick up for him but..
1. I think its hard for first time dads to bond with an infant
2.Guys are not sensitive, emotional people, so they won't respond to a baby as we mommas will
3. If you love him and want to stick it out, I can pretty much guarantee as the baby gets older, he will become closer with his dad, they will play and laugh. You will think back over these times and be like...wow...did that happen?
4. Fathers and their children have a different relationship than moms do. I think it serves a different purpose in the child's life.