::vent::: is a little help a lot to ask for? ::vent::

So I suffer from post partum depression, and my boyfriend knows this. I can't get help because I don't have health insurance, and the Samaritans don't deal with post partum, they just deal with suicidal people apparently, which I think is stupid. But whatever. I'll have health insurance soon (I hope!). So I ask him for a little help around the house (i.e. pick up after himself, help me with the baby when he's home, spend time with me, make me feel like I'm actually worth something, etc.). So tonight Owen (my 6 month old son) is sick with a really bad cold and he's throwing up. So I've had him all day because Zack (my boyfriend) decided to pick up an extra shift at work.

FYI: I had 2 jobs, but just recently got laid off of one. My other one is from home and no, it's not that hard and I know this, but I still make SOME money for this household. EVERY DIME of what I make goes to bills. It's not a lot, but I don't buy anything for myself ever, except a coffee once or twice a week. He, on the other hand, gives me half his check (which is less than what I make total) to put toward bills, then buys a pack of cigarettes almost every day (which are now $7+ in Mass now), $30 worth of scratch tix, and whatever else he feels like it. Usually $150+ a week, and then wonders why we have no money, and acts like I do NOTHING around the house and don't work or anything.

But anyway, so tonight he gets home and I just asked if he could take Owen and hold him for 20 minutes while I just had a LITTLE break and took a shower or went for a walk or basically just did whatever I felt like doing. This week he worked nights monday - friday (6pm-6am). When he was home, he was sleeping. I got no break all week and did everything myself. Owen has been miserable the past 2 days because he's sick, and I just asked Zack what I should do. He kept giving me a huge attitude and I finally had to BEG him to help me in tears. I can't do it alone, and it's not fair that he's "tired". I'm tired, depressed, and some days use all my energy to care for my son (like this past week). He made ME go to Babies R Us tonight (25 minutes away) to get a humidifier and then come back, so I do, and he's watching TV. I asked him twice to help me with it (I have a bad wrist and with water and everything in it it was heavy). Needless to say, I dropped it half way to Owen's room and our brand new carpets and pad underneath are SOAKED, and Zack decided to go to sleep. I get Owen up in the morning, I care for him all day, I stay up in the middle of the night when he's sick, I bathe him, I take him for walks, I put him to bed. I've gotten no help in the past week, and it's making me so much worse. I've asked him MULTIPLE TIMES to help me, and I get nothing. I don't know what to do, but I'm so sad it's killing me. He's a great Dad, do not get me wrong, but the past week has been awful because he's tired from his sudden shift change. But should I have to suffer because of this?

I don't know what I was looking for in this post, I just had to vent before I blew up even more.

dont you have any family that could help you? i would definitely ask someone. if its not family, maybe a friend. i mean just somebody to talk to, another adult, so its not just you and the baby

Quoting ~*Shanda*~:“ dont you have any family that could help you? i would definitely ask someone. if its not family, maybe a friend. i mean just somebody to talk to, another adult, so its not just you and the baby”

Honestly, sadly enough I get more help here than from my friends. I'm always the person everyone else goes to to talk to about all their shit, but for some reason when it comes to me no one can be bothered with listening. I hate it. I don't have a single person I can talk to, and I don't know what to do. I just hate being sad and just wish I could get some help just once so I could get some stuff done and just not be so depressed in general. I have the best baby ever (never cries, sleeps through the night, laughs/smiles constantly, eats great, amazing personality already, etc.) and I can't even enjoy it anymore.

im sorry momma, i dont know what to tell you.   i wish i could help

Quoting ~*Shanda*~:“ im sorry momma, i dont know what to tell you.   i wish i could help”

I just wanna enjoy my son. And I don't know why I'm not. I love him, don't get me wrong. I just... want to be happy.  

You might want to see if there is a PPD support group near you. I know there is one here, and it is free. They also have a 'daycare' during the sessions to give the mom's a break. If they don't have one near you I would contact the L&D or your doctor's office and see if there is anywhere to get free counseling. They should hopefully help you out. As for your boyfriend, I really wish that I could help you, but the only thing that I can think of is to give him a bit of time to adjust and then to talk about a weekly budget. We made each other keep track of evey penny spent and were it was spent for a month. It made us feel like money wasters when we saw how much useless stuff we spent our money on. Now we save about $75-$100/ week.

I hope that your son feels better soon!

Once you get health insurance, I would go straight to the doctor.

As for the bf, tell him he needs to learn how to help. Being a full time mom with a job is a hell of a lot harder than he knows. Don't do his laundry (including his underwear & uniform if he has one), don't clean up around the house that is anything his (at all, including dishes), pretty much ignore anything that has to do with him, and he'll see that you need help... hopefully, unless he's straight clueless.

GL!

Thats really sad you cant get any help or talk to any proffesionals because you dont have health insurance. You need to talk to someone, would there be anyway at all you could get your bf to watch him for the night (part of it at least) so you could go out and enjoy yourself with your friends and spend some money on yourself too? It is not fair at all for you to be feeling like this and although you say your boyfriend is a good dad (I dont doubt that one bit) he is being selfish towards you. Not to long ago this was sort of my situation my boyfriend was working midnight to eight ams 10 shifts in a row and most of that time he wasnt helping me out at all, I understand its a late ass shift but under no circumstances is it fair for him to lay around all day while I slave around the house with the baby. Those 10 days I felt awful too because I love my daughter but I did not enjoy my time with her and it nearly killed me.
You need to get out and do something, for you and he needs to help you to do that, if he knows you have postpartum depression he needs to be more supportive towards you and it sucks that he's not. My bf wasnt either I literally had to flip on him and make HIM cry before he started giving me my brakes and recognized what I do around here, its bull that I had too but ever since things have been better.
I really hope you start feeling better, you should deffinetely try to get out of the house and go shopping, do something without the baby so you can feel like a normal person instead of a worn out mom lol. Good luck hun.

Quoting Kevin's Mommy:“ You might want to see if there is a PPD support group near you. I know there is one here, and it is free. ... [snip!] ... saw how much useless stuff we spent our money on. Now we save about $75-$100/ week. I hope that your son feels better soon!”

Thank you. And we do keep track of where all our money goes, and EVERY week I show him how stupidly he is spending his money, and he just does not get it. He doesn't think $20 here, $30 there, 1-3 coffees every day, food every day, etc. adds up to a lot until its 3 days into the week and he has no money. It sucks.

I'm just sick of being sad.  

Quoting LoveAndSerenity:“ Once you get health insurance, I would go straight to the doctor. As for the bf, tell him he needs ... [snip!] ... ignore anything that has to do with him, and he'll see that you need help... hopefully, unless he's straight clueless. GL!”

I tried the not doing anything for him deal... didn't work. The house got DISGUISTING, and we were going to my grandmother's house yesterday and of course he had NO clean clothes (he wears jeans and a t-shirt to work every day and he has a million of both). So I finally gave in. He's not clueless, just lazy. I hate it, and I don't know how to get through to him. I've been subtle about it, I've been straight out about it, joked about it, flipped out about it, written down what I need, etc. I've tried everything.I don't know what else to do to get through to him.

Quoting ♥ Baby Jibs:“ Thats really sad you cant get any help or talk to any proffesionals because you dont have health insurance. ... [snip!] ... go shopping, do something without the baby so you can feel like a normal person instead of a worn out mom lol. Good luck hun.”

It's just sad because we had a really bad relationship before Owen, and then we found out I was preggo and broke up and I thought it was over, and then one day he sat down and thought about the fact that he didn't want his son to grow up without a father, and he realized how much he missed me, etc. We decided to fix things, and we had, and now it's like the job he has (doesn't matter if he works days or nights there, he hates it) is ruining everything we worked to fix. I love him so much, but I don't know how much more i can take.

Quoting Owens Mommy♥:“ Thank you. And we do keep track of where all our money goes, and EVERY week I show him how stupidly ... [snip!] ... day, etc. adds up to a lot until its 3 days into the week and he has no money. It sucks. I'm just sick of being sad.  ”

Try showing him bi-monthy because that will be alot bigger of a number and it should make it harder to say that $20 here or there doesn't matter.

Also I just thought of something that my husband and I do to get breaks. When he gets home I give him a hour to relax and change from work then he takes him for a hour. We basically hand Kevin off every hour to the other person and switch who does dinner and dishes off every other night. That helps out tons and we both get a break and time to clean if we choose. Starting next week we are going to do a chore schedule to help keep the place clean and the work load even.

Quoting Owens Mommy♥:“ It's just sad because we had a really bad relationship before Owen, and then we found out I was preggo ... [snip!] ... there, he hates it) is ruining everything we worked to fix. I love him so much, but I don't know how much more i can take.”

You need to tell him that, my bf and I had a bad relationship before too I dont even know why I stayed with him as long as I did and while I was pregnant it got somewhat better but when she was here is when he needed to take the time out to grow up and think about things. I seriously broke up with him like twice in order to get to where we are now, things are so good now I have never ever been happier but it was hell to get here. You need to talk to him again because he obviously he doesnt get what he's doing to you (not that its all him, but its does contribute a huge deal from the sounds of it) and he needs to, you shouldnt be suffering like this.  

Quoting Kevin's Mommy:“ snip!] ... clean if we choose. Starting next week we are going to do a chore schedule to help keep the place clean and the work load even.”

Thats a really good idea, my boyfriend and I take turns too, I was thinking of doing a schedule type thing, I think thats such a great idea! because then later on Lib could get involved in it too.

Quoting ♥ Baby Jibs:“ Thats a really good idea, my boyfriend and I take turns too, I was thinking of doing a schedule type thing, I think thats such a great idea! because then later on Lib could get involved in it too.”

We have to do a schedule because we are both messy people, and if we don't have something that basically tells us we have to do it then we won't. Plus with Kevin getting into EVERYTHING these days this house has to be clean! I don't want him to choke on something that he gets off a table. I would never forgive my self!