2 weeks until my due date

It is a blue day today. I want to just blame it on my period, but inside I know better then that. The last 6 months have just flew by. I cannot believe my original due date is only 2weeks away (Sept 6). I have been so busy over the last few months. I have had numerous life issues (other then my m/c) to worry about. Yet, the closer I get to my due date the more the pain of it all is resurfacing. I never expected the pain to go away, but I never expected to fall into just a bottomless blue ocean. It is terrifying to feel like you are sinking when you cannot see the bottom. My friends and family know me as the girl that ALWAYS tries to find the positive lesson in hard/sad times. But despite the brave face I put on for everyone, I am a mess inside. To want something so bad. To work so hard for 2yrs. To just have it all stripped away. It hurts. I am never one to have my own pitty party - but today I just can't help it.

Today I started taking Clomid again. It was a hard pill to swallow. I felt like I was condeming myself to more pain and disappointment. I fear that I will go through all of this again. How can I begin to go through this again when I haven't put the first time behind me yet.

To everyone else around me, Sept 6th is known as my Sister's Bday. But to me it is a day all our dreams were supposed to come true.

Any advice from other Angel mommies out there on how they got through their firt angelversary????