Grief, and just about everything else (Vent)

Ok, so this pregnancy has been rough.
I have bipolar disorder, and as soon asI got adjusted to my meds I found out I was pregnant. I was able to stay on one kind, but not the other. This imbalance of sorts has totally thrown me over the deep end. I am very irritable and moody, and all around just feeling awful. I know this is going to be hard, but its all worth it to have my baby in the end. I just kind of live day to day until then.

So, I have been really irritable the last few days. I know myself well enough to know the signs of mania, and its sad that I cant do much right now but try and get through it. So, long story short I had a short fuse yesterday, and I yelled at my daughter. She was misbehaving, but I think I was borderline crude. This is not like me at all. I have usually been able to project those emotions somewhere else. Not this time, I went overboard, and I can't get over it.

She has never been abused emotionally or physically, soI know she is probably over me yelling at her. The problem is I have been walking around devastated for 2 days. I just keep seeing her little face in my head and I can't stop. She went to visit her dad today and all I want to do is go pick her up so I can say I am sorry over and over again. I feel so much grief in the way I acted. The way she cried when she walked off to her room is just killing me, and I can't let it go.

of course you cant let it go!! But you have to. I was sooo frustrated with bump the other day and yelled at her to quite throwing a tantrum. And she is only eleven months old.   and it is also a few days later and i am still tore up about it. (i didnt get in her face or anything of course, i just cracked and didnt walk away like i should have) I think the guilt is what keeps us from forgetting about it and ever doing it again. so think of it as a good thing that you are feeling horrible about it. We are not the first and wont be the last to do it. Being a mom is hard, just feel glad that you have the good sense to realize you dont ever want to do it again. so many kids live with parents who wouldnt have thought twice about yelling rudely at thier kids. you love her every minute of every day and she knows it. She is so over it already and probably wouldnt even know what you were talking about if you brought it up agian. i feel for you mama.

I understand having bi-polar, what meds were you on? you say you know your self,id say go for more therapy. and talk to someone. if you beat your self up, your going to through yourself into a depression. :\ when you see your daughter apologize. let her know that you didnt mean to flip out at her. 

Quoting madelynn:“ I understand having bi-polar, what meds were you on? you say you know your self,id say go for more therapy. ... [snip!] ... yourself into a depression. :\ when you see your daughter apologize. let her know that you didnt mean to flip out at her.”

  My daughter's name is Madelyn.
I was on Lamictal 200mg, and Seroquel XR. I am still on the Lamictal, but not the Seroquel.

I just get so frustrated because I practice as much self control as I can. I didnt ask to be this way. I didnt ask to have to take meds. I am just so sad at the way I treated her. She looked at me like she was afraid. I have NEVER hurt her in anyway, but I cant get that face out of my head.

I know how you feel. I work in childcare, so by the time I get home, I'm so over tantrums that I almost always have to remove myself or snap at home. It's a horrible feeling, but we are human.

i used to take both those.. but lamictal gave me the rash.. and seroquil i wound up in a coma for three days because of. now i take welbutrin and lamictal and ambien.
i hope your feeling better now, or at least a little.