confused about what to do

i wasn't sure on where to post this, but it goes. my husband has a very bad temper and yells and cusses at me and call me names ..everything under the sun we will say that. When he does i try and tell him to calm down and stop yelling bc the baby can hear him and it stresses me out. He cant sit down and talk with out cussing me out telling me to f off and whatever the problem is its me. He doesnt want me to leave bc he says we can work, but everytime we fight its i'am a peice of s*** wife and i need to shut up. he has never hit me, and says he wont but he is all in my face and i just take it.. I know we need marriage cousling but in the mean time i dont know how to not provoke his temper. It tearing me up! I'am confused bc it doesnt happen all the time some days he really loves me and the next looks right thru me.. like last night after after making me cry and calling me a bitch and to f off he wanted to have sex bc he was horney and held me for 2 sec got on top got his and then got off and went about his business* knowing yesterday i just got out of the hospital for having a UTI and has hurting*...
it boils down to what the heck do i do.. marriage cousling or just leave..
srry if this is hard to follow i had to get it out i'am hurting!

Oi... Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it only gets worse.. unless perhaps you get professional help. Men like that usually end up putting their hands on you in some manner.. whether it be pushing, hitting, kicking, etc.. It's not good for you or your child... How is he going to treat the child?.. That is what I would be worried about..

Oh honey you should really leave.It may seem really difficult now but think of what will happen WHEN his anger escelates(because it will!No person deserves to live in fear and anguish and neither does your unborn baby.We will be here for the emotional part, but you NEED to get a restraining order and leave -please go.

Thats domestic voilence any way you look at it, he doenst have to hit you to abuse you. I can't imagine being in that situation. James and i went thorugh something similar, he was always yelling and saying that i was always making him feel like shit when i wasn't doing anything but trying to talk to him about something. it did come down to me leaving him. i just couldnt take it anymroe. We've since worked it out, and he never got in my face or screamed at me or anything like you are going through, i wouldnt have been able to handle that. I honestly don't know what to tell you to do, but i would seriously consider leaving him. You don't need the abuse and your baby doesnt need to see thats how a man should treat a woman, becuase its not. Good luck to you

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse. There is mental and emotional. If you feel you can make it through counseling I say go for it. But it sounds like he is an inconsiderate asshole (sry I have been there b4) I left there was no way I was going to subject my child to that no matter how much counseling he wanted. My dad is the same way with my mother and I know that with most people they change for a little while but then go right back to the way they were before. JMO

You should probably leave before the baby comes. That would be my advice.

get out! I just went through this. I waited too long though. My daughter is 4 and she heard him and now she has nightmares about her daddy.

Quoting sparklebabygirl:“ i wasn't sure on where to post this, but it goes. my husband has a very bad temper and yells and cusses ... [snip!] ... to what the heck do i do.. marriage cousling or just leave.. srry if this is hard to follow i had to get it out i'am hurting!”

From an outsiders point of view, I think you should leave. Sure he hasn't hit you YET, but what if he does. You are pregnant and he could not only harm you bur also your unborn baby. And that's definitely not fair for that poor child. No offense but I wouldn't want to bring my child into that sort of environment.

I have to agree with Blissful Mama. I worked in domestic violence court for five years as a victim advocate. It always starts with yelling. Not always does it progress to violence but it's better not to be around to find out. There is nothing you can do to prevent his anger. Even if you have a perfectly clean house with the perfect dinner waiting, if he's in "a mood" it will be taken out on you. Counseling only works if you both go and are committed to it. I hope that you guys do get counseling and are successful. You need to realize though it is not you!!!

Honey.. red flags... My husband would never yell at me. He may get mad and say stupid shit but he has never once seriously cussed me out or treated me like that. You and that baby deserve more and I would reccommend on you getting out and THEN doing counceling before it gets bad. My ex husband started out that way and then turned violent. Get out before you or the baby get hurt   Good luck honey and im here if you need to talk.

Quoting sparklebabygirl:“ i wasn't sure on where to post this, but it goes. my husband has a very bad temper and yells and cusses ... [snip!] ... to what the heck do i do.. marriage cousling or just leave.. srry if this is hard to follow i had to get it out i'am hurting!”

i'm sorry to hear that but...it would probably be best to get out now. The stress is most definately not good for you. Mabye you would be better apart for a ltitle bit but still be together and get counseling. With the counseling it might get better, or it could get worse. To be on the safe side though i would leave for a little while ,you and that baby need to relax. I hope everything works out for the best!!

I was in a verbally abusuve relationship, there is NOTHING you can do to make it better-it's all him. Don't usually say this but I know how it feels, but wasn't pregnant at the time-I'm sure that makes it WAY more stressful because you're trying to pretect the baby too. He needs to get over himself. And depending on how long it's last been going on it WON"T get better unless he has a dramatic change of heart.-which is hard to come by in my experience. Is there someone you can stay with? If you do leave do not answer his calls, it will be hard but it is for the better, if it's anything like I think it is.

Quoting sparklebabygirl:“ i wasn't sure on where to post this, but it goes. my husband has a very bad temper and yells and cusses ... [snip!] ... to what the heck do i do.. marriage cousling or just leave.. srry if this is hard to follow i had to get it out i'am hurting!”

Those personalities could be counseled, but it is my belief that they never fully rehabilitate. The only way to get out from under it is to leave. Verbal abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse. It hangs around long after the bruises of a hit/slap/punch will fade. You don't want your child to grow up witnessing that, it puts them at an extremely increased risk of repeating that behavior to their loved ones in the future, and to lose respectt for you for taking it. That is never a good situation, as hard as it may be to walk away, it's not nearly as difficult as the things you will endure if you stay. This is the best way to take care of you and your child. Good luck, you have it in you, evident because you asked for help. Weaker victims of abuse keep it to themselves. Not calling silent sufferers weak, but it takes a very strong person to take a stand, and no matter how stupid, weak, retarded and dependent on him he wants you to think you are, you have got to show him how strong you really are. Most people do this because they themselves are weak and they feel threatened by their other half, so they demean and belittle them to handicap them and create a dependence on them so they won't ever have the backbone to leave.

Quoting Sabrina Halverson:“ Those personalities could be counseled, but it is my belief that they never fully rehabilitate. The only ... [snip!] ... they demean and belittle them to handicap them and create a dependence on them so they won't ever have the backbone to leave.”

very well put. I just wanted to add- I met my now Husband only a couple months after "getting out" of the last relationship. My Husband being the sweetest person in the world talked to me and had a very hard time getting me to take him for who he really was instead of me thinking that there had to be something under his exterior. And now almost 2 years later I sometimes fear that my ex is around the corner in a parking garage waiting to yell at me or worse (he threatened to kill me numerous times and was quite a wacko/drunk)

Sorry so long-just thinking the more OP hears about situations that are similar-the more power it will give her.

I think you need a break from him, You can leave when hes not there

Leave a note explaining why you left and that until he can get him self undercontrol you and your child do not deserve to be in that environment. You baby will either grow up and treat you like he does or be treated the way you are by its dad.

Whats guna happen when the baby is screamming and you are stressed already and here he comes tearing you down...

dont let him know where you are going dont even hint you are going to leave, let him go to work pack all your stuff call a friend wit a truck take your baby stuff and stay with a friend or relative, someone in your church.