coustdy of BIL, HELP!!!!

ok so this may be a little long and i had no clue where to post it. I'm going to make it as short as i can.

Ok, my husband's little brother my BIL is 13, there mom is a bipolar sitophenic(sp??) and a crack head...and she has coustody of Pat, my BIL, she doesnt pay her bills she has no hot water no shower no flushing toliets, we have wells out here and you need eletric to flush, and to shower, she has no food, nothing, her house stinks of piss, and rotting food. its nasty, and Pat was living with his aunt and uncle, but they have 3 kids of there own and cant aford to feed him, so he is now back with his mom. She wont make him go to school, and eventually the state will step in and put him in foster care. My husban is calling CPS on her and is trying to get coustody of his brother so he doesnt end up in foster care. Which i am all for, i love Pat to death. im just scared. Im moving to Pensacola in a few weeks, and if every thing goes as planned there mom (MIL) is just going to sign Pat over to us no fight, because she doesnt care about him, she just cares about her crack...im only 18, a meer child myself, how do i raise a 13 year old? i know he will respect Shawn, he looks up to Shawn and will listen to him, im afraid he wont respect me, or my rules because im only 5 years older than him, i didnt think i was going to deal with a back talking smartass teen for years!!  im just super stressed and worried about the whole thing.

i'll have to enroll him in school, take him to sports and pick him up, wile my husband is at work or worse depolyed.......im actually shaking right now im so scared  

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ ok so this may be a little long and i had no clue where to post it. I'm going to make it as short as ... [snip!] ... to sports and pick him up, wile my husband is at work or worse depolyed.......im actually shaking right now im so scared  ”

aw mumma.... I think everything will work out great just think about how much he will appreciate living with you guys...And company for you if your hubby does get deployed...sorry I cant help...

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ ok so this may be a little long and i had no clue where to post it. I'm going to make it as short as ... [snip!] ... to sports and pick him up, wile my husband is at work or worse depolyed.......im actually shaking right now im so scared  ”

it will be okay. Im sure your husband will set his ass straight if he disrepects you or the rules. Just stand your ground with him. And he will respect you. I think teens walk all over parents who let them do whatever and never show them they are boss. I think you will be fine and i think its a very honorable thing taking a child away from a bad mother and a bad eniverment and giving them a second chance.

Quoting **Kylie - Since 1981**:“ aw mumma.... I think everything will work out great just think about how much he will appreciate living with you guys...And company for you if your hubby does get deployed...sorry I cant help...”

that is true. i never thought about it like that

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ that is true. i never thought about it like that”

I was also going to make that point. I think he will be more apperaitve then anything. He will know you guys care deeply about him and that you guys are giving him a second chance and a chance to have a better life.

He feels like no one wants him. Becasue his mother doesnt care, and his aunt and uncle couldnt affored it, so they kicked him out

i just dont think any one should ever feel like that and my heart breaks for him. But now we have to find a three bedroom appartment or put the baby in our room... blehh i just feel over welmed becasue its all happening so fast

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ He feels like no one wants him. Becasue his mother doesnt care, and his aunt and uncle couldnt affored ... [snip!] ... find a three bedroom appartment or put the baby in our room... blehh i just feel over welmed becasue its all happening so fast”

Yeah it will all be alright. At least you guys are reaching out. Maybe a 3 bedroom apartment would be a better idea because then you wont have to share a room with the baby.

i think you guys are doing the right thing by going for custody, you BIL is 13 , sit down with your husband firstthen you BIL and talk to them about your concerns he is old enough to understand and im sure everything will work out fine...this is a wonderful thing you are doing for him....more people (that can) should fallow your example ....good luck and keep your head up  

Quoting kelleycometrue:“ Yeah it will all be alright. At least you guys are reaching out. Maybe a 3 bedroom apartment would be a better idea because then you wont have to share a room with the baby.”

yeah but there almost 2 hundred more..and with the extra person putting a strain on our food money things are going to be tight.

i just hope the navy will give my husband the same bennifits for Pat that we get for maddox since we will have coustody? idk im a n00b to the Navy life

He might have some issues, but that's understandable in his situation. He might turn out to be the best helper you could ever ask for. My advice, get him involved in something, whether it be a YMCA membership or a sports team or school, or even band. Whatever floats his boat, and try your hardest to be INVOLVED in those activities with him. Go to every home game or concert, read every newspaper article. Yes 13 year olds are snotty little brats, but that comes with the age. My youngest brother is 15 now and is the most wonderful kid I have ever met. Just be involved. When you enroll him in school you need to make a point to talk to the principal or vice principal about the situation and maybe ask the school counselors to check in on him from time to time, keep in contact with his teachers. Show him that you really care.

Quoting MotherMama:“ He might have some issues, but that's understandable in his situation. He might turn out to be the best ... [snip!] ... the school counselors to check in on him from time to time, keep in contact with his teachers. Show him that you really care.”

he's in Cross country Wrestling and Track, here in Ohio, so im hoping he sticks with it down there.


good idea about talking to the school about every thing. and being at every match, or race, me and MAddox can be his fan club  

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ yeah but there almost 2 hundred more..and with the extra person putting a strain on our food money ... [snip!] ... give my husband the same bennifits for Pat that we get for maddox since we will have coustody? idk im a n00b to the Navy life”

i think they will. They gave bryce. My brothers wife the same benitfits they both got. Bryce isnt my brothers kid and my brother didnt legally adopt him. And my brother is marines which is a branch of the navy . i would think they would.

if its consoling i'll tell you a little story of my own experience...

when i was 16 i went through something similiar on some basis. i ran away to VA to my sister because of my dad and his drug/alchol abuse. when i went down there my mom came after me, because well, she was worried. and nothing was of her fault, i just couldnt be around my father, and she couldnt leave him (long story short.) so she gave my sister papers called power of attorney. which is kind of like adoption, but not at all. they are papers saying that whom ever is taking care of the child has the right to sign legal document for like school, can put the child under than insurance, make decisions with the child's best interests at hand and etc. she kind of gave custody of me to my sister, but wasnt giving me up as her own child like adoption does. well anyways, the first thing my sister said to me out of well... just talking to me as a person was; she basically said she understnads she is not my mother, and wont pretend to be, but being the elder sister she will understnad what is going on, because well, she was only 4 years older than i am. and he basically said that she wont say do the dishes, do this do that, wont act like my parent, but will give me the guidance i need to still have my childhood. and she did exactly that and so did her husband. it was hard to listen to her husband because he was in no way my father or related to me or my life in any way, but he said the same thing kind of. whenever there was an issue with something, like me not going to school, or going out past curfew or whatever.. he didnt say anything to me or berate me, or condone anything. he let my sister do all the nasty work. but also he did bring me where i needed to go, got me to the doctor, talked to me if i needed a friend. they did the parent thing without expecting me to see them as parents. i dont know how that will help you. just i dont know, treat pat as a person you care for rather than your own child. let your s.o do the things that a parent naturally will do, but also be there for pat and listen to him and try to do the things his mother failed to do. like when he needs advice on girls, or when he goes through the usual boy drama and confusion.

i think with a little self reassurance you will be able to be a great provider of a good childhood for him.

Quoting Bell Jarr:“ if its consoling i'll tell you a little story of my own experience... when i was 16 i went through something ... [snip!] ... and confusion. i think with a little self reassurance you will be able to be a great provider of a good childhood for him.”

wow. that made me feel alot better. i was worried because i dont want to act like his mother, but i dont want him running rampad getting in to trouble.

and idk should he have like chores? or just to keep his room clean, because im a sham, so im use to doing the house work alone

Quoting kelleycometrue:“ i think they will. They gave bryce. My brothers wife the same benitfits they both got. Bryce isnt my ... [snip!] ... kid and my brother didnt legally adopt him. And my brother is marines which is a branch of the navy . i would think they would.”

i hope so. that would really help out