re: coustdy of BIL, HELP!!!!

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ wow. that made me feel alot better. i was worried because i dont want to act like his mother, but ... [snip!] ... and idk should he have like chores? or just to keep his room clean, because im a sham, so im use to doing the house work alone”

well i was older than pat is, so i kind of automatically knew to wash my own dishes and to put away my things. and it helped my sister out without her having to ask me.

like with any other kid, chores are structure, and he probably is a good kid, especially from coming from that environment and going back and fourth through homes between families.. he probably already understands what he should do. i.e keep his room clean, get his homework done and etc. i would say make a chart with all of your names on it and chores you all are expected to do as a person. that way it wouldnt be like you telling him that he has to do this, or that. put your husbands name and he has to take out the garbage, vaccum, etc, then your name and you have to do mopping, and dusting and etc. and then put his name with chores age appropiate. like cleaning the living room if its a mess, or taking care of feeding the animals (if you have any.) simple structure like that make kids feel useful, and also they are learning to help out (without being child slaves.)

and although he is 13, and has been raised already and you cant change his values and such.. he is also going through puberty, so idk, this is just best guess, but i could see him acting out from hormones and etc, and especially since he is old enough to know who is mom is and how she is as a person.. that can take a toll on a kid, especially at that age. i would say if you see him acting completely unlike himself, dont hunt him down and lecture him, but put it out there that you aren't against him and want the best for him and will understand if he doesnt want to talk or want your help; but its always there if he needs it.

also, and i know this post is terribly long already, you might want to get a good grip on your status with your husband. just because raising kids is hard enough, and this situation is even harder. and if you guys are going through any tough emotional relationship times, then most likely Pat will be able to notice. he needs support from both angles, you and your S.o.

but hey! dont worry sooooooooo much. because a lot of things we worry about when raising kids, or taking on the title of a parent or any case scenario.. we tend to worry about the things too soon, and forget to love and be happy, even if things are hard. you know?

Quoting MotherMama:“ He might have some issues, but that's understandable in his situation. He might turn out to be the best ... [snip!] ... the school counselors to check in on him from time to time, keep in contact with his teachers. Show him that you really care.”

and thats a really good poin! with the schooling and all.
i was still in school when i went to live with my sister, and before i started school, my sister and my mom went in and told them what they needed to know, but didnt give them too much information to embarass me about what happened.
my principle was a huge help, not so much the counselors (i hated talking to people who just wanted to know something to diagnose me.)

i got a job immediately to have something to do, and to meet people.
like that girl said, YMCA would be a great idea. or even if its just going to dairy queen or going to walk around the mall after school with him, it really helps. its like bonding without the weirdness involved of actual 'bonding' lol.

Quoting Bell Jarr:“ well i was older than pat is, so i kind of automatically knew to wash my own dishes and to put away ... [snip!] ... case scenario.. we tend to worry about the things too soon, and forget to love and be happy, even if things are hard. you know?”

thank you so much for your advice, it relly made me feel alot better about the whole thing.

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ thank you so much for your advice, it relly made me feel alot better about the whole thing.”

its not a problem.:] if you need anyyyything at all, or just reassurance, ill definitely be here to offer you that!<3

Quoting Bell Jarr:“ its not a problem.:] if you need anyyyything at all, or just reassurance, ill definitely be here to offer you that!<3”

thanks  

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ he's in Cross country Wrestling and Track, here in Ohio, so im hoping he sticks with it down there. ... [snip!] ... idea about talking to the school about every thing. and being at every match, or race, me and MAddox can be his fan club  ”

And he will love every second of it I am sure!! You watch, he's going to be a great uncle and awesome helper. Give him some responsibility to. Mabe once a week HE gets to pick whats for dinner, within reason, and gets to go grocery shopping for the meal. Let him know that you appreciate him and NEED his help.

Quoting MotherMama:“ And he will love every second of it I am sure!! You watch, he's going to be a great uncle and awesome ... [snip!] ... dinner, within reason, and gets to go grocery shopping for the meal. Let him know that you appreciate him and NEED his help.”

oo.. good idea! taht was another thing i was worried about, im use to it being just me and the baby, wiht my husband away at school. i dunno how to include people, ahah i use to just doing it all alone

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ yeah but there almost 2 hundred more..and with the extra person putting a strain on our food money ... [snip!] ... give my husband the same bennifits for Pat that we get for maddox since we will have coustody? idk im a n00b to the Navy life”

Aw, Erica. Everything will be okay! He'll be a ton of help to you with the baby, and will be someone to talk to whenever your man is deployed. If getting custody of him is basically adopting him, then the military will raise your hubby's pay accordingly. He's getting paid more since you guys got married and now have a baby, so he should get paid more for your BIL too. Each time you have a child, the military will raise your pay accordingly. Good luck!