re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia

Quoting ~Mallory~:“ I am not saying that people giving birth when they are older is a PROBLEM like teen pregnancy is. ... [snip!] ... am done posting in this discussion since my words seem to be getting twisted around everytime I post something. Peace Out.”

i'm not getting your point.  seriously.

i don't want to be accused of twisting your words, so... i'll just wait for you to explain your point.

Quoting Vincent&Victoria's Mommy:“ SERIOUSLY! Have you SEEN the movie ridding in cars with boys?!? She hatted the fact that being a teen ... [snip!] ... then telling us its to be expected that we should know how to do it on our own? Your examples of young mothers... sucks.”

Umm No where did I say anything about this being my "reasoning" for anything AT ALL. I just thought that it was interesting....I even said that. And if you've read this forum, you'd know that I agree with Mara's intial statement. I think that it's important for young mother's to realize that parenting isn't easy, that there will be a lot of hardships, and I don't agree with Teens TTC at all. But since you didn't read any of that....Don't freak out on something I was just adding as interesting information.

Quoting Mara:“ directly from here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_pregnancy as you can see: Being a young ... [snip!] ... mothers themselves.[53][6]A son born to a young woman in her teens is three times more likely toserve timeinprison.[72]”

...And Thank you Mara. I can see where there statistics came from now.  

I can agree with many things said in the initial post. I know first hand that there are good parents and bad parents, I've seen both. My mother had 4 children (I'm 2nd oldest) and she sacrificed her everything for us, even her own health and well-being. To me, that's a pretty good mother. Then there's one's like my older sister. She just had a baby boy back in April, and from living with her all my life, I knew she was just too violent to be a mother. I wish I had been wrong, but I wasn't. When my nephew was born, my sister decided she was going to breastfeed him, so the doctors brought the baby in for her to feed, and according to her he latched on wrong, which I understand is extremely painful. Instead of her using her fingers to put between the baby's mouth and her breast, she decided to smack him on his buttocks. As a result of that, and other things, child protective services took him away. I've already decided that I'm going to be a mother like my mother is. My mom has always put her children first, and always will. Also, my older sister had and still has tons of support, because she is trying her best to correct her mistakes, and get my nephew back. The only person that can ultimately make her change her ways is her, we can't make her, but we're going to try to get her to make the correct decision. I will also inform you that even though I am only 19, I am a Highschool graduate, and I have done 4 semesters in college (Summers '05, '06, '07, & Fall '07). I had started this past spring semester, and quit at the end of January for financial reasons. I plan to go back to college and continue getting my degree(s) in Computer Electronics.

Quoting .:.PregnantAgain.:.:“ Umm No where did I say anything about this being my "reasoning" for anything AT ALL. I just thought ... [snip!] ... TTC at all. But since you didn't read any of that....Don't freak out on something I was just adding as interesting information.”

Ok then my bad for jumping. I get so incredibly sensitive about this.
I always thought my actions of becoming a young mom were because of how I lived my life. On my own at 16, didn't find out I was graduating high school till seriously the DAY of graduation, always lucking out so it made no surprise to me to find myself a single mom at 20 yrs old.
Then my baby sister, homecoming queen, cheerleader, honor roll student, found herself pregnant in her jr year.
I hate that I never was more direct with her about my experiance. She ALWAYS saw the good in my life and never understood how hard it was to get there.
I know not every teen mom is so stubborn as to refuse all help but I do believe that if direct sometimes Harsh realtities aren't shown or faced we're just putting a pretty picture over a very serious situation.
My kids deserve alot and so does every child no matter the mothers age but but bringing these 'statistics' to the forefrount I do believe it can at least help drive new teen moms to be the statistics on the other end. The ones who DO succeed.

I agree, I think Mara posting these statistics in here was a very smart idea. Especially with how many teens are seeing all these celebrities with babies, going "Ohhhh I want a baby! Look how cute they are!" It's like having a baby is a fashion statement now. I swear I have so many young girls that think I'm just "SO COOL" because I have a son, and I'm 19. It's ridiculous. They don't understand the harsh realities that some moms don't end up like me. Not all teen moms can actually grow up and be a good mom. There are a lot who think having a baby is going to be like having a doll, they can dress it up all cute, take it with them to the mall, and parade around with it.   I even had a couple that we were friends with have a baby because "All their friends had kids".

Quoting .:.PregnantAgain.:.:“ I agree, I think Mara posting these statistics in here was a very smart idea. Especially with how many ... [snip!] ... parade around with it.   I even had a couple that we were friends with have a baby because "All their friends had kids".”

I worry sometimes that I ruined it for my baby sis. I got pregnant, had my daughter and through the luck of fate ended up ok. She never saw the struggle the nights of crying, the life I missed.... then she ends up pregnant at 17 and because of the two of us I always thought she was the "good" sister (honor roll, cheerleader, homecoming queen etc) that she would never find herself young and pregnant... I just wish I had been more honest with her and I hope all those teen moms out there will learn and accept the help that is there. We're bringing children into this world and our whole world changes. No reason we shoud have to do it alone

I don't agree with any of this. I myself, am going to be a teen mother. I'm 16 years old & have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 and half years. Although we were dumb enough to allow me to get pregnant, we're not dumb enough to let it ruin our lives. We're excited to be parents and can't wait for little Ashtyn Faith to arrive. I know being a mother can be hard, I'm the oldest of 4 kids and I saw what my parents went through. My boyfriend & I have a lot of support and are convinced we'll make it. I don't know any teens that get pregnant just because "their friends have kids" or because "angelina jolie has a baby, i want one too", this is ridiculous. Things happen, thats all. The fact about teen mothers having poor grades in school,I think, is bull. I'm a junior in high-school & currently have a 3.4 GPA. I still plan on going to college and so does my boyfriend. Although some teen mothers and or parents won't be able to make it through having a baby, I don't think it's true for everyone. You make itwhat you make it - if you don't care about your baby or you just regret getting pregnant, that's your fault and you have to deal with it for the rest of your life.

It breaks my heart that every time I log on this site I see so many pregnant teens. I don't condem teenage pregnancy, if anything I have been a good friend to many young pregnant moms. When I was 21 I moved in with my 20 year old friend who was pregnant. Her boyfriend left her and she lived alone. I moved in with her to help her while she was 7 months pregnant and stayed until her baby was about 3 months old. I helped her cook and clean and watched the baby while she napped and went to school.
Long story short, my friend was lucky. Her parents are wealthy and supported her all the way and I acted as the "man" and did everything else for her... but she was LUCKY. There are so many young girls on here that are YOUNGER than 20 and it astounds me! I just can't help but wonder what the future will be like for them and their children. Of course, children are MUCH cheaper and easier to care for while they are young. But wait until they hit middle school. They become more expensive every year they are alive! Not to mention the cost of living is raising. Recent statistics show that in most cities a single mother of two needs to make almost $45k a year to support her family (and that is just squeeking by). Now I know how hard it is to make money these days and I am lucky to have a good job ON TOP of my home business. But I am educated, a college graduate, and married to another professional. At 15 what kind of job can you get? Getting paid minimum wage?? Is that really what you want to do for the rest of your life? Live in perpetual poverty? How does this teach our children to make responsible decisions? How does this show them to better themselves. I saw that many people have said that our grandparents and some parents also had children young. Well dears, you are not taking into account the fact that the cost of living then was CONSIDERABLY lower and it was an era where a young mother was expected to stay at home and take care of children. This was a time where families had 1 car,1 tv (maybe), there was not insurance for EVERYTHING, no cell phones, no computers... There were far fewer luxeries that these days are nessecities to pay for.
Not to mention at 15 your life experience is VERY limited. I grew up well rounded. I lived both the good and the bad. My dad ran night clubs so I grew up fast and experienced a lot also moved around a ton... but even at 15 I didn't know ANYTHING! At 23 (almost 24) I still don't know enough!

Quoting Mara:“ AUTHOR'S NOTE: Because of the many responses I've received from intelligent and concerned teenage mothers, ... [snip!] ... the world a better place. Please feel free to reply with all and any thoughts you have on this posting! All the best, Mara”

i know that there are many teen moms on this site an in general. i am 18 years old i graduated high school & i am now attending college. i am pregnant with my daughter, now. i was raped when i was 14, it was such a tramatic experience. i was four months when i had a miscarriage. an after that i was told i would never be able to have kids. i had a lot of scaring. when i found out two weeks before my high school graduation i was pregnant. that was the most amazing news i could have ever gotten. i got married shortly after to my husband. he's 21 an in the air force. i love him with all my heart. a lot of you look at all the young girls an think wow they have their whole life ahead of them.. an they are pregnant. but you are right we have our whole life ahead of us, to love an take care of our children. i have heard many comments about me being so young. but what know one knows someone elses past. this is my miricale baby. i didn't get a abortion. an i think whenever you see a teen mom or a expecting young mom you should be happy that they didn't get an abortion. we are giving life to our babies like everyone else. my great grandmother had 9 kids.. she got pregnant with her first at 16. that was common back then. an i dont see how its different now. teen moms have all the options everyone else does. we may not eat that great sometimes. but does everyone eat a 100% balanced diet after you leave your teens no! thats why america is known for obesity. why does everyone think that they have the right to judge someone else? that's gods job not yours. i am happy to have the chance to give the gift of life to my daughter....just remember you don't know what some else has gone through. it could be their miricle, she could have been raped, she could be happy an just as good of a mom as everyone else. you dont have to be a certain age to love or care for your child more or better.

Quoting [airforce wife&&baby]:“ i know that there are many teen moms on this site an in general. i am 18 years old i graduated high ... [snip!] ... an just as good of a mom as everyone else. you dont have to be a certain age to love or care for your child more or better.”

I totally understand the miracle baby thing... I too was raped at 14 and I was told I wouldn't be able to have babies because of the scar tissue AND because I have ovarian problems... but it still didn't mean that I shouldn't use protection and avoid pregnancy at a young age. My biggest problem is not the young moms trying to make a better life for themselves... its the perpetual cycle of young moms in america where many of them are on government subsidation.... which I have to pay for.If people want to be parents, great!but think about if you are ready to handle to responsibility of having a child before you have unprotectedsex. Sex is wonderful but it should notbe taken lightly.Don't get me wrong, I had sex in highschool but I was safe about it. These days we are offered something our moms and grandmothers were not;free condoms, free birth control, the day after pill.... I mean come on. I know for a fact condoms can be obtained in ANY school nursesoffice or local health department office.We are also taught about safe sex now, which is another thing that even most of our mothers were not... So come on ladies! Lets EDUCATE our children.

Quoting MamaStrib:“ I totally understand the miracle baby thing... I too was raped at 14 and I was told I wouldn't be able ... [snip!] ... safe sex now, which is another thing that even most of our mothers were not... So come on ladies! Lets EDUCATE our children.”

*claps enthusiastically*

Quoting MamaStrib:“ I totally understand the miracle baby thing... I too was raped at 14 and I was told I wouldn't be able ... [snip!] ... safe sex now, which is another thing that even most of our mothers were not... So come on ladies! Lets EDUCATE our children.”

what makes me different then you having a baby?
i just want to know your opinion.
because i am an adult an i am capable of making my own decisions.
an i made it. i having a beautiful baby girl in february.

oh an by the way i am living off of government help.
but here's the cool thing so are most of the other military families out there.
i get wic every month. an soon i will be getting a ebt card.

Quoting MamaStrib:“ I totally understand the miracle baby thing... I too was raped at 14 and I was told I wouldn't be able ... [snip!] ... safe sex now, which is another thing that even most of our mothers were not... So come on ladies! Lets EDUCATE our children.”

And then you have the accidents of protection. I did use protection, the condom broke, and I wound up pregnant, so throwing in "birth control" "condoms" and "Morning after pill" would not have changed my case even if I had wanted it to. For one, I couldn't get birth control. For some odd reason, I needed my guardians permission, which at the time was my father, I also needed a photo ID, which I did not have at the time, school never issued me one for some reason, and my father did not help me with the birth control. Morning after pill is 40 dollars. I had a job, and would have definately bought the morning after pill, but was not aware of our broken condom. My fiancee did not know about the morning after pill, and figured a broken condom would mean it was too late in any case to stop or reverse it after it was done, so he wanted to just wait and see if I was pregnant before he mentioned anything because he didn't want me to worry. Unfortunately, waiting until you can see a positive on a HPT means it's too late for the morning after pill.

We talked about our options, and my fiancee was the one who decided to keep him. I wanted to put him up for adoption, because I figured we were both too young, but here I sit with 5 weeks left, and I can't wait to see my little boy. We have already started him a piggy bank, and saved him up over one hundred dollars already. Not much, but not too bad considering he isn't even born yet. And while I do have insurance, and your taxes probably do cover my pregnancy, your taxes are not INCREASED because of it. You would be taxed in any case, so you could be taxed and it all go into the governments pocket, or you can help out a few pregnant teenagers who need help, and didn't have choice but to become pregnant. You'd figure instead of complaining about how young we are and unready we are for children you would be congratulating us for realizing that we are young and not ready, but refuse to get an abortion and decided to take responsibility of our actions.

And you HAVE to realize that the reason alot of these teenagers turn out as bad mothers isn't because they are so young, it's because people like you believe they cannot do it. It's lack of support and faith from others that totally bog us down. You tear as to shreds, and make us actually believe that we cannot do it, and therefor are discouraged from even trying, because lord knows, it will be a miracle if we can live through this and actually get an education!

Well, unlike those mothers, some of us won't let our spirits and expectations be broken because someone believes we are too young. Some of us use it as strength and motivation to prove you jerks wrong. Age has nothing to do with it anymore. Just because we won't have a "Beaver Cleaver" family where we bake regularly, and mom stays home and cooks and cleans, does not mean we will be bad mothers. In fact, I believe we are better moms than those who have it oh so easy because of a good pay check. We will have more dedication to our family, and we may struggle but that makes us stronger. We face obstacles in pregnancy alone that older moms would never dream they could get through. In the end, we will have gone through so much more, including social criticism, and ugly stares, and gotten through it just fine and still be great moms.

Quoting Buffding:“ And then you have the accidents of protection. I did use protection, the condom broke, and I wound ... [snip!] ... through so much more, including social criticism, and ugly stares, and gotten through it just fine and still be great moms.”

i appreciate all you've had to say here... but i can guarentee you that women like you are not the teenagers we're worried about... you're thoughtful, articulate, you did use protection, and all of these things put you in a much better position to not only be a good parent to your child, but to make decisions that will give your child a better future.

and although i appreciate the sentiment that teens need more support (b/c they do), the broad reality is that society at large has less impact on how a mother (or father) chooses to parent their children, than how that mother or father was raised by their family, by the financial resources they have, by their own willingness to educate themselves, and by their personal sense of responsibility.

i will never pat a pregnant teenager on the back and tell them it's all going to be great or pretend that they haven't prematurely taken on the most challenging job they will ever have...

the life of a tiny innocent baby is fully in your hands, the choices and behaviors you make every day even while still pregnant will have a profound impact on that child's mental and physical development.

these are basic facts and unfortunately most teenagers are not mentally or emotionally capable of fully appreciating the power they wield as a parent until far later in their life.

but like i said, a woman like you-- w/ the ability to understand her own life, the choices and mistakes and so on, the intelligence to write it out, and clearly the desire to do things right by your child, already puts you and your child in a much better position than many of young pregnant women are in.

hang around in teen pregnancy and get to know some of the girls there and you will see a verrrry broad spectrum of behaviors -- from disturbing idiocy, selfishness, and ignorance, to conscientious and considerate.

bottom line: teenagers aren't supposed to be ready to be parents-- those that are more ready are a) in the minority and b) usually bounce back to make their lives fully functional if not outright successes.