re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia

Wikipedia says: "One-fourth of adolescent mothers will have a second child within 24 months of the first."

Ahahahahahahaa.. I beat that. I had my next baby 2 years 6 months 3 weeks and 5 days after my first.

But seriously... I'm so sick of all the negative stories on teenage mothers. I was and still am an amazing mother (or at least that's what I've been told D: ) even though I became pregnant at 16, my Fiance and I planned Rick and our second child Connor.

The father went to work over seas when our youngest was 1, but the distance allowed us to grow apart which was for the best anyway because now I'm with a wonderful man that does a better job with our boys than their "dad" ever could so it seems.

Financially I was stable. Where I live our government pays you to stay at home and raise your children, yeah yeah it was government pay but it doesn't matter where it comes from, only how you use it.

I'm doing my phd in environmental sciences now, first year in and going well.

Anyway here's what happened to me =3

My first son was born at 24 weeks and the hospital was 1 hour away. I would call every morning to check on his weight because that's when they'd weigh him..

I'd drive there as soon as I'd showered and dressed and spend all day there sometimes sleeping on the chairs in the NICU/SCN. I only missed 1 day of visiting in the 4 months he was in hospital and that's because my mother took my keys off me because she said I was overdoing myself.. which I probably was.

We lived with my parents at the time but they never baby sat, they never fed him or did anything like that unless they asked if they could.

He's 8 now and an amazingly well behaved child, he was lucky to have no complications or mental disabilities. When we fly the air hostess's always comment on how good they are xD

Hell, Rick was allowed to sleep over at his "girlfriends" house for her birthday because her mother knows how wonderfully sweet and polite he is, no other boys were allowed.

I know this thread is saying not ALL teen parents are bad parents.. but in all honesty these "statistics" are a horrible thing to have in a forum that is supposed to be supportive. It seems more like it's going "hur hur look at this.. this is what a lot of the teens in this forum are like hur hur hur"

I'm sorry if you dislike my opinion of this, but considering I've been spat on while pushing my baby in his stroller because I was so young, being told I've doomed myself and my child to hell for being a "sinful" girl and scrutinized by the nurse who said my child was better of dead than to go home to a 16 year old mummy and Children's services for no other reason than my age...

Well, you can see why I'm a little perplexed by this thread.

Quoting XNaraX:“ Wikipedia says: "One-fourth of adolescent mothers will have a second child within 24 months of the first." ... [snip!] ... for good things, Stats show that 80% of teen mothers are good? No, most statistics are taken to prove the bad, not a the good.”

I'm taking the statistic you quoted...if it says 25% of adolescent mothers will have a second child within 24 months of the first...wouldn't the opposite (or good statistic) say that 75% of mothers don't? It's all a matter of how you read it and how you respond to it, by being defensive or by defending it.

Quoting Collin'sMom:“ I'm taking the statistic you quoted...if it says 25% of adolescent mothers will have a second child ... [snip!] ... 75% of mothers don't? It's all a matter of how you read it and how you respond to it, by being defensive or by defending it.”

It would be yes, but it's not the positive ones that are posted, just the negative.

:Edit: My 5 year old Connor just came up to my computer.. he said.. "That's a very cute baby mummy, was I that cute too?"

I just thought I'd pass on his message =3

"Financially I was stable. Where I live our government pays you to stay at home and raise your children, yeah yeah it was government pay but it doesn't matter where it comes from, only how you use it."

I'm not sure how/where Australia gets their money to pay for moms to stay at home. In the U.S. we have a system called "welfare" which is similar, they help financially unstable families with money, and they get more money if they have a bigger family, so alot of women see kids as an incentive to get money even if they can't afford it. That money comes from taxes that come out of my paycheck. Money I wish I didn't have to come out of my paycheck because I'd rather pay for my own family, not help support someone else and their 5 kids they can't afford.

Edited to add: Awww...tell him he's cute just as he is and I hope my baby wouldve turned out like him  

Yeah that's where it came from in the end. I had some savings aside so I used that first of course.

My kids dad when he was working over seas was earning $400 a day so we did alright.

I struggled with whether or not to go on government payments but I knew my future included a very well paying job and that I'd be paying tax too... well I just saw it as borrowing xD

I dislike the women that have more babies for the money, I had my children because I absolutely adore children and family and that's just what I wanted to do, looking back the only thing I would change is who their father is lol.

I was naieve in thinking I would be accepted, even though it was only 8 years ago it was still a lot more frowned upon than than it is now.

Part time I work at a Young mothers/Pregnant mothers play group and honestly I do see some of the girls described. I also go around high schools and do talks on being not only a teenage mother but what can happen, such as premature birth, something I wish I didn't have expertise in.

The first thing I open with is... " I am not here as an advocate for abortions, nor am I an advocate for Teenage parenting. In the end if it happens to you it is your choice.. but if you really want a cute little bundle of joy? I'm here to tell you what it is really like.

Granted it isn't conventional, granted it isn't easy in the least and I'm not saying all teenage mothers are perfect, but that being said when you hear the term "teen mother" it doesn't bring happy families to mind. It brings uneducated drug addicts that leave their kids with their parents for nights at a time.

Which I honestly find very, very sad.

I just feel like the statistics posted are out of place in a forum meant for support. Lord knows after being looked down on as I was I would have hit the X if I'd have come in here 8 years ago when all I needed at times was an ear to talk to =(

Bless you, your son really is adorably cute. He would've be quite the stunner ^^

Quoting XNaraX:“ Yeah that's where it came from in the end. I had some savings aside so I used that first of course. ... [snip!] ... I needed at times was an ear to talk to =( Bless you, your son really is adorably cute. He would've be quite the stunner ^^”

Thank you.
Alot of "welfare moms" don't have well paying jobs, some don't even have jobs at all. I'm not against help, I'd probably go on help for food and some groceries. But not everyone uses it as short term help, they use it as a way out of working, and that's what I'm against. And I'm not talking about just teenage moms in that sense.
You sound like you're different from the statistics. You had the baby's dad around, and he made GOOD money. Plus you had a job. Was he older than you or 16 as well? Does/ did he pay child support? Did you live with him or your parents, did you have to pay rent?
Most teenage moms haven't been working long enough to be seen as worth more than minimum wage, and you can't live off that with a baby. And most teenage dads don't want to be a dad so young and can't/won't pay for child support, which puts more of a strain on the momma. So then said momma has to not only work but finish school so she can earn more at work, putting more of a strain. And if they have unsupportive parents that kick them out, that factors in. So when does she see her baby, between work and school?

My mom's coworker has a grandson in her custody now because the momma is 16 and would rather party and get high than have a baby. Her boyfriend left her bc he wanted an abortion and she didnt. Grandma let them live with her rent free, job free. Most teenagers don't get it so good. She smoked pot during the pregnancy and her son has vision problems due to it. That's what most people think of teenage moms, and she's the reason statistics like those exist.
So sad.

Quoting Collin'sMom:“ Thank you. Alot of "welfare moms" don't have well paying jobs, some don't even have jobs at all. I'm ... [snip!] ... problems due to it. That's what most people think of teenage moms, and she's the reason statistics like those exist. So sad.”

Well, The father was 18. I moved out of home when I was 14. I worked and went to school, I rented 1 bedroom out of other peoples houses.

My parents are and always have been very supportive I was just a complete bitch of a teenager and decided I knew everything and put them through hell.

Our relationship is a lot better now, to the point I'm moving down south to be with them again.. oh yay 25 and living at home again XD but every time I have lived with my parents I have paid rent, part of the power and also for what ever phone calls I make. We split the grocery bill too.

Whilst I was with their dad, when I lived with my parents he was living with us too, but after working over seas he decided to live there and has only recently gotten back in the boys lives. He does pay child support now at least.

Yay, I don't have to work 2 jobs while studying anymore lol

He wasn't supportive when Rick was born either, In the 4 months he was in he probably saw Rick around 3 times because he "couldn't handle seeing him like that." So in all honesty I had to do it all myself. As soon as Rick came.. His dad had essentially already left us, I just decided to cling on to hope I guess.

I remember when I was in Labor with Rick, my premmie. The nurse was grilling me about what drugs I'd taken.. I hadn't taken anything. It seemed that the private ob/gyn I was seeing decided I was an over reactive teenage girl so she screwed up and didn't give me a UTI test because she didn't take my concerns seriously.

I think that's why I get so upset about the stereotyping. It nearly cost my son his life.

My sister is older than me by 8 years or so, she has 6 babies by 3 different guys, she's had them in Foster care before because she couldn't cope. I had custody of my oldest niece for a while too because she was so out of control and neglected even the foster mum couldn't handle her. I mean she was 6 years old, called the principal a cunt, threw a chair through a window at school and copied her mothers bulemia. I sorted her out then sadly had to give her back.

Happily my sister is married to the father of the last 2 babies but my niece lives with her step dad. At least the other 5 are having a semi normal life.

It's a hard way to live, as a young teenage mother but it's made me who I am now, you either sink or swim I guess and I'd be damned if I was going to let the naysayers be right :3

Quoting XNaraX:“ Well, The father was 18. I moved out of home when I was 14. I worked and went to school, I rented 1 ... [snip!] ... it's made me who I am now, you either sink or swim I guess and I'd be damned if I was going to let the naysayers be right :3”

So sad, about your sister and your nieces/nephews.
My sister in law's sister in law had a baby at 16 with an 18 year old. She named the baby Mary Jane because (honest to god) she liked to smoke pot. She did drugs while she was pregnant, now her baby is missing a pituitary gland and isn't developing normally. Said momma is also in jail for biting her husband/ baby daddy while they were fighting. The bail is set at $100 but nobody (not even her own mother) has the money to get her out.

What just gets me is that...if you aren't ready to be a parent then don't be.I understand accidents happen, birth control only works 99% of the time and there's that 1%. But if you aren't ready or willing to put your life aside for your kid, then don't have the kid. Give the baby up for adoption. It's stuff like what your sister has done, what my sister-in-law's sister in law did, that upsets me. Because they're throwing away a great thing, they're so unappreciative. There are so many women who would give anything to be a mom and can't due to whatever reason, that if they get that chance to be a mom, they would cherish every single moment rather than take it for granted and be stuck in jail. Granted, you don't have to be a teenager to mess up royaly, but it's more commonly seen with teenagers and why those statistics exist. Because teenagers themselves aren't emotionally or psychologically developed enough themselves to be willing to fully put their own wants and needs on the side anymore. And when they aren't willing to do that, you end up with my sister-in-law's sister in law, throwing it all away.

Everyone makes very valid points here, teen moms are not always responsible, but neither are all "adult" moms. Something I have realized recently is that you can not classify anyone in one lump of people... everyone is unique, everyone has their struggles and they get through them or let themselves be destroyed.
I have a family member that did the latter of the two, her mother was killed when she was a teenager, and instead of greiving and dealing with missing my aunt, my cousin started acting out. She used to be a person I looked up to, she was my favorite family member, but after she turned 17 that changed.
I am younger than her by more than nine years, and I knew what she was doing would destroy her life, but she didn't care. She had her first son at around 20, not a teen mom in the least, but she didn't take care of him. She relied on everyone else to take care of her responsibility, so at the age of ten I began having my first experiences "babysitting" mainly being solely responsible for her son. She moved back and forth, from on state to another and back, each time ripping my heart out as she took him away from me. To make a long story short, her husband was violent, she left him, he got her son, and has mentally abused him. This is something we can do nothing about, but the one person who could, the boy's mother, doesn't care at all. When her husband moved with her oldest, he left behind a present, she was pregnant again. She inflicted all of the damage done to her second child on her own. She is literally the worst parent I ever met, and I was at one point more of a mother to her own children than she was, and I wasn't even fifteen. She did everything from buying a stereo instead of much needed diapers with her first born to getting her youngest addicted to crack cocaine. She brought strange men into her home that she met on the internet, she slept with them, took their money, and took them home, all with her son in the next room. He was born two months premature, and has mental problems because of it, he's quick witted, but not completely there. So his mother was receiving a check for him, SSI, and she blew it on drugs, none of it went on him. I was fourteen when he was born, I didn't get to see him until two months later, and I was there everyday that I could be taking care of him and his many wires that he was attatched to. I got attatched, in a way I saw him as mine, but then he was ripped away too. Finally one of the two boys has found a great home, he lives in Chicago with another family member of mine. He has finally stopped having withdraw from the drugs his mother forced into his system and is even mostly functional. The change in him over the past few years he's been in Chicago is amazing, he's loved and he knows it.
Now on to me, I found out I was pregnant when I was fourteen. I had been dating an eighteen year old who had a thing about poking holes in other things. He was trying to get me pregnant so I would stay with him and we'd get married. I broke up with him, but the first part of his plan had worked. I was pregnant.
Many teens go through a decision making process when they find out they are pregnant, they consider all alternatives: Abortion, Adoption, Adopting to a family member, and Raising the baby. My decision was already made for me, not by anyone but myself, and my love for children and the two boys that were taken away. I was young, but I knew more about the world than many people, the good and the bad. I was having the baby, and no one would challenge me on it. I couldn't kill life, no matter if it had started yet or not, so abortion was out. I also couldn't stand the thought of a stranger raising my child, and me not knowing where it was, or worse, knowing and watching my child call someone else, "Mommy"
My cousin laughed when my mother told her I was pregnant. "Funny as hell," She had said to me, "Now you can prove what you've always told me."
I looked at her, "Which part?"
"Where you said you would make a better mother than I have."
I looked at her then, and it was my turn to laugh, "That's easy, all I have to do is love my child." It shut her up.
My daughter was born in the middle of march, a beautiful, wonderful little miracle. She came first in my heart and my mind, always. I had always said I would put my children before anyone else in my life, and I knew I had told the truth the day she was born. She had to be put in a warmer when she was born because she was tiny, she was full term and healthy, but small. I was unable to hold her but for a heartbeat, and then she was whisked away to the nursery.
I threw every fit I could for them to atleast let me go down to her, and after a few hours, they allowed it and wheeled me to her. I realized when I was able to touch her, able to feel her fingers close around mine that I had never known true happiness. My life has sucked, for many reasons that I won't go into, but here was something that took that all away. Someone I needed as much as she needed me. She was my life force from the day of her birth and still is.
She developed very quickly, at a scary rate even, doing things way too early for her age. She rolled over the first time at three days old, her Dr didn't believe me when I told him at her checkup, that is until he nearly dropped her when she just decided to flip over on him. She said "daddy" at four months, no "daddadadadadda" just plain as day, "Daddy." And she was looking at my boyfriend at the time. When she was eight months old, she started saying more than one word had a time, and by the time she was one she was speaking more than broken sentences, though some of her sentences were still unsure.
She refused to walk at all until she was fifteen months old, she could get anywhere very quickly by crawling, so she didn't bother. I was worried until the day she took her first steps. She crawled out of my mom's room and I called her to me, she looked at me for a moment, then stood up and walked across the room to me, not stumbling, not wobbling, it was as if she had been practicing for months. I love my little girl more than anything, and I would do ANYTHING for her. I am now happily married, and Aubrey loves her step-dad and her daddy (he is in her life now) She is the smartest toddler I have ever met, and I'm not saying it because I'm her mom.
She picks up on things easily, especially the energy of a room, if one person is upset she singles them out and comforts them. She cannot wait until december when we welcome her new little sister into the world. The new baby was planned, and yes, I am putting some parts of my life off to have another baby, but I don't regret a single bit of it.
Anyone who looks down on all teen moms because of the actions of a select group of them is ridiculous, and most likely stuck up. No offense meant to anyone, but I've been considered a statistic for too long.
Something that many people forget about teen parents, many of them become teen parents because they were introduced to sex too early. I'm not talking about hitting puberty too soon or the schools telling them the facts too early, I'm talking about sexual abuse. I'm also not talking full out rape, but with many (not all) teen mothers, they knew more about sex than they should have before the age of ten.
Any teen parent I've met has been a decent, if not good parent. I am concerned about the town that I grew up in though, in the last two years there has been a significant increase in teen pregnancies. I was pregnant when it was shunned to be pregnant in highschool, now there are so many teens embracing and chasing down pregnancy. It's starting to seem like a fad in that small town. I'm not putting anyone down, but if you are going to get pregnant on purpose, do it for the right reasons.

I absolutely do not believe that is true. IF TEENS WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE CHILDREN THEN HOW IS IT THAT GOD GAVE THEM THE ABILITY TO?
Just because society has dumbed kids down and made it known worldwide that teens shouldn't be mothers, doesn't mean it's true. It's not a matter of teens being abusive or neglective to their children, it's the way their parents raised them to be and it's who they will be for the rest of their lives, regardless of how old they are! Parental instincts kick in and make it easier for ANY woman to be a mother, young or old. There are special cases where teens have abused their children but there are also cases where women in their mid-thirties have abused their children as well. In older times, if a woman wasn't married by the age of 13 she was considered 'damaged goods' and would disgrace her family's name. Now, it's 'wrong' to have children early?

LIFE IS SHORT! I'M GLAD I GOT TO START MY FAMILY EARLY!

Quoting Week29-Azalea Jane:“ I absolutely do not believe that is true. IF TEENS WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE CHILDREN THEN HOW IS IT THAT ... [snip!] ... disgrace her family's name. Now, it's 'wrong' to have children early? LIFE IS SHORT! I'M GLAD I GOT TO START MY FAMILY EARLY!”

In older times, the life span of the average human was no more than 30, 40 if you were lucky. So to have a child so young was a biological reaction to keep the species alive. Also, there was no need for education as there is now, and there wasn't an upper, middle and lower class divison as there were now. You were rich and wealthy or you weren't, there was no in between. Peasants or serfs were constantly poor and hungry and in poverty because they were working on noblemen's land, the noblemen were rich and well fed. 13 year old girls were also married off for money, and the husband you married into was supposed to take care of you. If you had a child previous and not married you were an outcast of society- think in terms of The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (if you've even read it, that is). That system of civilzation didn't work,, it doesn't exist today inWestern society. So to compare that way of living and today's way of living doesn't make sense, it isn't even remotely close to being on the same level. Today, you need to have an education if you want to make more of yourself than just a mere janitor or housemaid living off of minimum wage. It's damn near impossible to support yourself let alone a baby as well on minimum wage, let alone just one income. So unless you're hoping for your parents to pay your baby daddy to marry you and for him to take care of you and your children then your point sounds invalid.

Also your "life is short" mantra just sounds like the typical teenage response, life is short so party hard, you never know when you're gonna die! Also, does that negate all those women who are 30 or older, who didn't have kids young like you? Should they feel bad because they didn't start a family young? Because that sounds like what you're trying to say.

Quoting Week29-Azalea Jane:“ I absolutely do not believe that is true. IF TEENS WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE CHILDREN THEN HOW IS IT THAT ... [snip!] ... disgrace her family's name. Now, it's 'wrong' to have children early? LIFE IS SHORT! I'M GLAD I GOT TO START MY FAMILY EARLY!”

Wow.. just wow..

This.. "It's not a matter of teens being abusive or neglective to their children, it's the way their parents raised them to be and it's who they will be for the rest of their lives, regardless of how old they are"

is THE biggest pile of bullshit I've seen. My mother, Aunt and Uncle were raped and beaten by my grandmother and step-grandfather. Horribly so.

My mum has NEVER done anything bad to me, my Aunt has never hurt any of her 7 children. Not so much as spanked them once and I've seen my then 3 year old niece slap my aunty across the face so hard her head spun.

My Uncle, while he can be depressed at times over what happened is still one of the most loving caring fathers I've met.

The parents do NOT equal the children. My friend came from a loving caring home and she's completly vile, disrespectful and a down right whore.

Did you know there is a 5 year old girl that had a baby way back in the old times? It's been scientifically researched and proven to be true. Her son is still alive I believe.
"God" gave her the right to have children so it must have been ok.

Just because the physical body is able to produce life does NOT mean the mental aspect is ready to deal with it.

Quoting XNaraX:“ Wow.. just wow.. This.. "It's not a matter of teens being abusive or neglective to their children, ... [snip!] ... been ok. Just because the physical body is able to produce life does NOT mean the mental aspect is ready to deal with it.”

Agreed. It's almost like saying, well the heroin was on the table so I had to shoot it up. Just because it's there doesn't mean you should partake. Just because have the ability to have kids doesn't mean you automatically have the capability to raise them.

Quoting Collin'sMom:“ In older times, the life span of the average human was no more than 30, 40 if you were lucky. So to ... [snip!] ... like you? Should they feel bad because they didn't start a family young? Because that sounds like what you're trying to say.”

Well tell that to Bill Gates, who never graduated HIGH SCHOOL and was the richest man in the world until he had to pay his taxes. AND NO, i am not trying to rag on people for 'not starting their family young' i'm simply saying what an advantage it is to start your family at a young age because you get to see your child mature and grow older than if you started at 20 or 30.

Quoting XNaraX:“ Wow.. just wow.. This.. "It's not a matter of teens being abusive or neglective to their children, ... [snip!] ... been ok. Just because the physical body is able to produce life does NOT mean the mental aspect is ready to deal with it.”

Okay.... you and I both know that having a child at 5 is a complete and utter fluke and MISTAKE! not everyone can conceive at five-years-old (obviously) and no child is able to handle the responsibilities that sex requires. Just because a woman is 25 does not mean her 'mental aspect is ready to deal with it.' It's not JUST TEENAGERS that can lack the mental preparedness, it's EVERYONE. The way a child is raised is the main influence on who they become. If you let your kid walk all over you, they'll think they can walk all over everyone else as well. Most children who grow up in an abusive household end up setting up an abusive household for their children as well. Also, society plays a big role in how people grow up as well. BOTTOM LINE.... IF TEENAGERS WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE CHILDREN, THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO.