re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ Im not saying anything about the statistics but they are from the mothers that have proven they cant ... [snip!] ... who cantdo it. I think everyone has the potential to bea good parent no matter their age if they just took the time todo it.”

everyone has the potential... absolutely.

the statistics reflect the fact that far too many don't live up to that potential.

and as someone else noted earlier, the ones that are living those statistics aren't going onto parenting and pregnancy websites looking for information-- they're out abusing drugs while they're pregnant, getting their children taking away by CPS, and so on.

it's not a judgement on all pregnant teens-- the statistics are just a picture of what can happen b/c teenagers frequently get pregnant b/c they weren't being reponsible in the first place.

now, many of the young women who come to bg are trying to learn what they need to do to be responsible loving parents-- and that's what all teens should be doing, but a majority of them simply don't... for a wide variety of reasons.

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ Im not saying anything about the statistics but they are from the mothers that have proven they cant ... [snip!] ... who cantdo it. I think everyone has the potential to bea good parent no matter their age if they just took the time todo it.”

Ok please don’t take this personally but you really need to look into what the actual definition of statistics is. Statistics are not made up numbers they are averages and the number of teen moms who do make it IS included (hint if you have 60% who don’t that means 40% DO) No “They” don’t “make up” statistics because “too many teens make good parents” Face it seriously teens DON’T make good parents on average because of the minimal amount of life experience they have to be able to be a parent. I don’t know why every teen (and yes this included myself once upon a time) thinks that their 16,17 or 18 years make them an expert on life and prepared for anything. It’s the worst type of ignorance because it is full of arrogance. THAT is the real danger to having kids as a teen is the arrogance of thinking you can do anything. Its not until much latter that you realize how wrong you really are.
Why is it so bad to simply admit that becoming pregnant as a teenager puts you in over your head and behind… way behind when it comes to being able to provide for your child because your busy finishing growing up yourself such as trying to finish school, get steady jobs that hopefully will turn into careers not to mention missing out on life experiences that will add to your parenting. This DOES NOT mean that teens don’t have the opportunity to BE good parents everyone has that opportunity. Teens just have it a hell of allot harder then everyone else. Oh and graduating high school doesn’t mean you made it or that your suddenly a great mom. It means you’re a teenager who graduated high school. Motherhood is NOT defined by your education (though it has been said that the higher your ed the better prepared you are for the challenges of infants and kids)
I made it, lots of teen moms do make it but why should that mean that its ok for teens to be parents. Doesn’t because for every one of me there are three girls out there who didn’t. I love my kid too much to wonder what would have happened had I not made it.

Quoting Vincent&Victoria's Mommy:“ Ok please don’t take this personally but you really need to look into what the actual definition of ... [snip!] ... of me there are three girls out there who didn’t. I love my kid too much to wonder what would have happened had I not made it.”

I understand that the percentage left over is the statistic of the moms who do make it but what im saying is that they dont do reports on the teenage moms who do make it...they do the reports on the ones who dont. I think teens do make and can make good parents but its their choice to make the right decisions not only for their kids but for them. I am 18 and have been taking care of my brothers and sisters since i was 10. i also raised my little cousin by myself at the age of 15 plus graduated high school plus finished my first year of college. Having a baby shouldnt stop anybody from getting a better education and an actual career. I know motherhood is not defined by your education but a teenage mother who has no education could be a better mother than a 30 year old with a law degree. Some people who have kids when they have a good career are too involved with themselves to be good parents. This is not an issue with teen parents since they have yet to have a career. I do have to say that there are some teen mothers who are self involved and have babies but if they feel like they cant take care of them there are other options other than abortion..like putting them up for adoption. I must admit that i myself could never put my child up for adoption but ifi couldnt give hera good life and take care of her than that would be an option. But its their choice to keep their babies. Thats why the statistics show that teenage mothers cant do it. Its not that they cant its just that they choose not to because of their lifestyle or no support andthe babys daddy left. Im not saying the statistics are wrong im just sayinga 16, 17, or 18year old could be just as good as a parent as a 26, 27, or 28 year old. If not a better one

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ I understand that the percentage left over is the statistic of the moms who do make it but what im saying ... [snip!] ... wrong im just sayinga 16, 17, or 18year old could be just as good as a parent as a 26, 27, or 28 year old. If not a better one”

Good point

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ I understand that the percentage left over is the statistic of the moms who do make it but what im saying ... [snip!] ... wrong im just sayinga 16, 17, or 18year old could be just as good as a parent as a 26, 27, or 28 year old. If not a better one”

it's completely possible, it's just not as probable.

Quoting Mara:“ it's completely possible, it's just not as probable.”

i think its very possible/probable
people in their 20s are used to partying and hanging out but a teen never experienced partying the same way because of their age so they cant miss something they never experienced. Making them staying at home taking care of their child because what else are they going to do?

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ i think its very possible/probable people in their 20s are used to partying and hanging out but a ... [snip!] ... they never experienced. Making them staying at home taking care of their child because what else are they going to do?”

I think that's a generalization on your part   Teens these days party just as much, if not more, than those of us in our 20s.

Quoting GKH:“ I think that's a generalization on your part   Teens these days party just as much, if not more, than those of us in our 20s.”

but its not like they can do it legally like those in their 20s i wouldnt know for i never partied as a teenager

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ i think its very possible/probable people in their 20s are used to partying and hanging out but a ... [snip!] ... they never experienced. Making them staying at home taking care of their child because what else are they going to do?”

i'm not even talking about the parties ... i'm talking about having financial stability, and even more importantly mental and emotional maturity.

it's a physiological fact that our brains continue to mature into our mid-twenties, and as such-- our forebrains which are the center for our impulse control, are still relatively under-developed during our teen years. that's one reason why it's no big surprise that so many teens get pregnant, they're not acting responsibly b/c they literally don't have the brain capacity when they get into the "heat of the moment" ... and b/c society no longer condemns premarital sex, they have license to act like that if they haven't been taught otherwise.

i know that i am much better prepared on every level to be a parent at 29 than i would have been at 25 much less 16, 17, or 18... and i was a smart, mature, responsible teenager-- never even touched alcohol till i went to college, but i still didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground b/c i lacked life experience that has since given me the patience and perspective to really dig into parenting instead of assuming that b/c i can get pregnant, i'm automatically qualified and able to be a great parent.

that's the thing: parenting isn't easy no matter what your age, but teenagers are arrogant b/c they're experiencing their first taste of true mental independence-- that's yet another reason why so many teens get knocked up-- they assume they're invincible and act irresponsibly when it comes to sex.

either way, this isn't a condemnation of teens, but you have to keep it in perspective. those teens that are doing a good job parenting now, would be that much better at being parents in 5 - 10 years. life is just easier when you've settled into your job and relationships, know who you are and what you want from life, before you add a helpless tiny human being to the mix.

Quoting Mara:“ i'm not even talking about the parties ... i'm talking about having financial stability, and even more ... [snip!] ... job and relationships, know who you are and what you want from life, before you add a helpless tiny human being to the mix.”

i dont think it means that in 5-10 years they will be better parents...they might be worse parents but who knows? and financially yea its better to wait butpeople do learn from their mistakes and decisions and all they can do is learn and make better decisions for them and their children in the future

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ i dont think it means that in 5-10 years they will be better parents...they might be worse parents but ... [snip!] ... their mistakes and decisions and all they can do is learn and make better decisions for them and their children in the future”

absolutely. that's all we can ever hope to do-- learn and grow, no matter what our age.

it's just how we learn and grow -- some (many) people take their frustrations out on their kids and that sort of behavior is very destructive for their children.

either way, kudos to all the teens that put their best foot forward for the sake of their children and their combined futures.

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ but its not like they can do it legally like those in their 20s i wouldnt know for i never partied as a teenager”

Speaking as someone who partied way too much as a teenager I can say I do look back and in a small way miss my youth. Mainly because its really hard to make friends with girls my age. Girls in their early - mid tweenties are all either finishing school, have finished and are doing the normal young tweenties life thing. They hang out all weekend they go to parties and I dont mean just to get drunk I mean to go out and socilize. They take last min trips and most got the chance to live at home till they finshed school and really live their lives. So then I try to make friends with women who like me have kids a home family etc but they are all MUCH older and you find yourself caught in this inbetween place where your not young but your not old and can feel very displaced. I did my party bit as a teen so I didn't miss out on that entirely but it would have still be so fun to be able to gain experiances at the same time those my age do
Still wouldn't trade my life for anything I've learned how to manage it but I can still remember when my daughter was 2 and all my friends had hit 21 and were going "out downtown" or just going out to a movie, dinner etc and my responsibilty was to the toddler who needed me and feeling very sad.

Quoting Vincent&Victoria's Mommy:“ Speaking as someone who partied way too much as a teenager I can say I do look back and in a small ... [snip!] ... downtown" or just going out to a movie, dinner etc and my responsibilty was to the toddler who needed me and feeling very sad.”

i never had time to party s a teenager so i guess i missed out

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ i never had time to party s a teenager so i guess i missed out”

i didn't either... but when i got to college i did... road trips, parties, just being crazy b/c no one was going to stop us b/c we were old enough to do it w/out getting in trouble.

and it was and will always be incredibly fun to remember those days, i don't need that time ever again, but i can certainly appreciate the excitement and even joy that age (early to mid-twenties) had b/c i got to be selfish and only care about myself, my dreams, my wants, and whoever i decided i wanted to include in that.

i think that's definitely one of those things that teen parents (usually just the moms) miss out on-- their hard-earned early-adult independence and spontenaity and all the child-free fun that time can be.

Quoting SamanthaAnn:“ but its not like they can do it legally like those in their 20s i wouldnt know for i never partied as a teenager”

Like being legal really means anything to them, though.

I never partied as a teenager, but honestly I don't care. That was never me. I got married when I was 19 because I wanted to, not because I was pregnant.