re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia

Quoting DuVaLMoMMa:“ i think most of that is BULL! im 21 years old and on my 3rd baby. i havent had the best of times but ... [snip!] ... responsibility and not running and having an abortion and at least stepping up to be a good mom and be responsible! THANK YOU!”

I totally agree with what you said...I was 18 and got pregnant but I miscarried (kind of) and I am pregnant again at 19...I know tons of women that had kids in high school and their academic scores never were affected by it...These statisics are bullshit and it's not that we are offended because they are "true' but we are offended that they are FALSE...Seriously if you take an actual survey yourself and stop relying on stupid bullshit people that don't know anything then you won't have these errors...There are some women that are just stupid enough to not realize that what they have is a gift...Everyone who agrees with this post is stupid and seriously needs a reality check

Quoting Mommy Zãb£l:“ I totally agree with what you said...I was 18 and got pregnant but I miscarried (kind of) and I am pregnant ... [snip!] ... to not realize that what they have is a gift...Everyone who agrees with this post is stupid and seriously needs a reality check”

There ARE tons of teenagers out there who have kids that are making up these statistics. Just because you don't see them at your school doesn't mean they don't exist. A lot of them exist in the ghettos and in the poor parts of town that you man not have seen. Seriously, it makes us stupid because we realize that this is a proven fact? It's just the way it is, get over it.

Quoting Mommy Zãb£l:“ I totally agree with what you said...I was 18 and got pregnant but I miscarried (kind of) and I am pregnant ... [snip!] ... to not realize that what they have is a gift...Everyone who agrees with this post is stupid and seriously needs a reality check”

if you could provide some data or evidence to back up your claims (that the statistics here are false), i'll be more than happy to change my post.

at this point though, i'm pretty certain that the various institutions that have conducted the research that provided these statistics are quite reliable.

for example:

talking about poverty and teens and how their kids not graduating from high school: http://www.pregnantteenhelp.org/articles1.html

• Unmarried teenagers having children account for 24 percent of all unmarried expectant mothers.
• More than 2/3 of all teenagers who have a baby will not graduate from high school.
• Billions of dollars are spent taking care of teenage mothers and their children and they are more likely to be in the poverty bracket. On the flip side, millions of dollars are spent in prevention programs.

from the official site that is the national campaign to prevent teen pregnancy
you can download full length studies that look at the cost of teen pregnancy on the mother and on their children ... in summary they state:

"Teen childbearing in the United States costs taxpayers (federal, state, and local) at least $9.1 billion, according to a new report by Saul Hoffman, Ph.D. and published by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Most of the costs of teen childbearing are associated with negative consequences for the children of teen mothers, including increased costs for health care, foster care, and incarceration."

The Abstract for "Care of Adolescent Parents and Their Children" as published in the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2001 states that:

"Adolescent parents and their children represent populations at increased risk for medical, psychological, developmental, and social problems, as previously described.1 In 1997,there were 489210 live births to 15-to 19-year-old females in the United States.2 The myriad concerns associated with adolescent pregnancy and potential obstetric and perinatal complications are summarized in a separate statement.Prevention of adolescent pregnancy and identification of factors that improve outcomes for parenting adolescents and their offspring are gaining increased visibility as the numbers of younger adolescents in our population are increasing.

so-- if you've got evidence for your claims that these statistics are false, please bring them to the conversation, we're in need of a different point of view-- but it needs verifiable evidence.

I hate the teen parent satistics because im 17 with a 4.0 gpa and starting college next december. My passion has been kids and babies for years and i know im gonna put my son first. No matter what im doing its for the good of him and me. I have so much family and friends to support me even though im so young. im proud of just what ive accomplished since i found out i was pregnant. :]

Quoting Jessicaaa:“ I hate the teen parent satistics because im 17 with a 4.0 gpa and starting college next december. My ... [snip!] ... and friends to support me even though im so young. im proud of just what ive accomplished since i found out i was pregnant. :]”

being pregnant is NOTHING compared to actually having that newborn child in your arms, but keep your goals high and you'll achieve them.

I suppose it's different in the UK because we finish 'high' school at 16. I'm 19 and I've done one and a half years of college, I quit because the second course wasn't what it was made out to be. I'll be turning 20 two months after my daughter is due, and although for the first few years I've chosen to stay at home and bring her up, as soon as she's old enough to go to school I'll be going back to college. Things may be put on hold but that doesn't mean they aren't going to get done, and being a teenager does not mean I'm going to be any less of a mother to her than if I had her a few years later in the future.

I think pointing out the statistics is a thoughtful serice to provide because it's something you normally wouldn't seek out. The statistics aren't PROPHECIES but the reality that many, many pregnant teens have already lived. Calling the people who deliver this news "assholes" only demonstrates a lack of maturity or perhaps understanding of what statistics are. When I was sixteen and delivered my son, I was ignored by my family, which is just as bad as being abandoned,andpermitted (even encouraged)to live with my son's father's fmaily and made to marry him - which I thought was the right thing at the time. Marrying that guy was my big mistake, not having my beautiful son who is the same age as many of you. A lot of teens have sex without getting pregnant, but they don't all marry the guy simply because they had sex. The baby does considerably change the situation, however you only have to look to Aerosmith for some pretty good advice: "never judge a book by its cover, or who you're gonna love by your lover".Even if you are truly in love, waiting until after the baby is born to see of the relationship stands the test of time - as many times sex enters a relationship VERY early on - is a wise decision. Also your hormones are outof control which influences and can even impare judgement in emotionally charged circumstances.

I was very lucky with the timing of my teen pregnancy and gave birth on the last day of school of my junior year of high school after all the finals and projects were turned in and finished, giving me the entire summer to bond with my son. Also knowing that I would regularly have sex as a married woman I opted for Norplant as my birth control method to prevent another unplanned pregnancy after the birth of my son. I also attended and school for pregnant girls that offered parenting, childcare, child development and breastfeeding classes after I learned I was pregnant.

These classes aresomething all of you should seek out, and if you're unable to find any of these classes in your area, I would suggest visiting your public library. I think that Dr. Spock offers the most insightful and clear explanations of everything you could possibly anticipate dealing with as a parent. In my opinion, everyone since him is a pale imitation. If your library has no books or videos by him they may be able to get them for you on an interlibrary loan. Easy and FREE!

So I was able to finish high school on time and graduated at the age of 17 and began college the following fall on a music scholarship. By the way, I was a French Horn player in high school and had to stop in my junior year becuase the school for pregnant girls had no band and my mother never bought me my own instrument. My senior year I was 1st chair in the band of my new high school - I never went back to the HS I left at the beginning of my junior year - I was also 1st chair in the All-District Band and made the All-State band and earned the highest ratings for my solo at the district and state level contests. I managed all of thisin spite ofmy then-husband's mother not allowing me to practice at their home because it upset their dog (and her). There were also a multitude of chores I had to complete nightly while she triedto bottle-feed my son even though I was breastfeeding him. I graduated HS with a 3.75 GPA. Her son was such a momma's boy and never had my back so the abuse just escalated - she told me I couldn't nurse my son and that I had no rights to him, that he was HER baby. My then-husband's sister was 4 months older than me and a grade level behind (because I have a summer birthday) and had quit band in 6th grade and had 2.something GPA while taking lower level classes. I was in honors English and high level math and science classes, taking French III and succeeding band. This girl gave me her laundry to do, which I did, and then sat down in front of the TV while I did my homework in between her laundry loads while my son slept after I had played with him, fed and bathed him. I started to feel like Cinderella. But that really was not much comapred to what I dealt with at school. I was interviewed by the school paper as a new student with all the other new students at the school that year and was painted as Suzy-homemaker with no interests outside of being barefoot and pregnant my whole life. There was only one girl who would talk to me and we're still friends 15 years later. Not to mention the dirty looks from people everywhere I went. You guys all know what that's like although I have to tell you that societytolerates teen pregnancy a little better now than 16 years ago. Not that all poeple do. Perhaps all of you have experienced women who approach you and ask if you think God loves loves you any more, or if you're really pregnant or just gaining weight (I used to wear a size 5 and I'm 5'7") when you're obviously pregnant. It's so hard to endure those kinds of encounters with grace. If you can manage that you'll always come out smelling like a rose.

It took me 7 years to get my Bachelor's degree because I worked my way through school while single for half of it. I left the guy who got me pregnant at the beginning of my junior yearonly for him to almost immediately knock up another woman who was also going through a divorce. They ended up having to go out of state to get married in order to get married before that baby was born. He took me to court for custody of my son every fall and spring during midterms and finals. Once he even accused me of drug use and I had to provide an observed collection urine specimen - that means someone has to sit in front of you while youprovide the urine sample in such a way that they can actually see the urine leave your body and go into the cup. SO humiliating! But because he accused me the judge made himdo the same thing and when the results came back negative for drug use of any kind he had to pay for this VERY expensive test. He never got custody and I eventually got an income assignment for child suport because he wouldn't pay.

Being a single parent isn't the most terrible thing. The only government assistance I ever had duringcollege wasdaycare assistance. I no longer qualified when I got my first job and no longer wanted to have it. But whata godsend when I used it!Otherwise I couldn't have finished school or held down my call center job because I had very little help from my family. I raised him exactly the way I wanted and have always been complimented on his manners and demeanor - he is very thoughtful and sweet, most of the time  . He is after all a teenager who knows exactly what's best for him, just like all of you and just like I did when I was your age! To be fair, he is right many times but we talk about it and some things are non-negotiable.

I graduated just.11 from honors with my Bachelor's degree and had four 4.0 semesters after leaving that guy. Since then I've been gainfully employed in my profession as an educator - I teach high school and middle school students - at the same high school I attended when I got pregnant at the age of 16. I even have a year of graduate school under my belt. That divorce still follows my credit as well as the bankruptcy he filed without my knowledge. Marriage to that guy was my big mistake.

I was single for 8 years before I began to date my husband. We dated 1 year and 11 months before getting married and marriage to this guy is my big accomplishment. Being single and dating with a young child is not easy even when you're supporting yourself, and I can't begin to describe all my heart aches during that 8 year period. Financial struggles only accentuate the emotional trials you endure.

I said I teach at the same high school I attended. When I went to school there I lived in a roach-infested, drug-infested, gang-infested project with my single mother and 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I teach students in similar and worse situations. One student, a senior, had two young children at home and I thought to myself 'didn't she know what caused the first child to be born?' - it's hard for me to understand why a girl would add to her owndifficulties not to mention those ofher child(ren).She was a very good student in my class which many of students tell me is very difficult. I learned she was caught in gunfire in the project she lived in with her two children and was shot. While she was at home too busy to come to school while she wasrecovering from her many surgeries and going to constant physical thereapyshe manged to get pregnant with child number three. This is the problem - chronic lapses in judgement resulting in more burdens on almost everyone else except for theparties responsible. When she came back to school and was failing almost every class due to not turning in her assigned work while she was gone she used her situation, being shot and newly pregnant, asa crutch and a card to pull out when it convenienced her to do so.

Those statistics only describe the worst of what happens, unfortunately it IS the majority. Stories like mine and many others do not get reported because we are not a burden on society. People don't care as much about us. We're not newsworthy - the expression "If it bleeds, it leads" in the news industry is very true. It's why "COPS" is still going strong and people watch "The Poeple's Court" after all these years. It's one way for people to feel good about themselves if they can pigeon-hole someone and say nasty things about them, especially if they're based on fact.....'At least I'm not in _that_ situation'......

Let's be honest here - being a pregnant teen is not ideal. Pretending that others should accept it as such is unreasonable and immature. HOWEVER I MUST STRESS THAT YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELFAND YOUR CHILDIF YOU WANT TO DO SO. If you choose to play the victim you will never be successful. You may need counseling - I did and was even on Prozac for a period of time. You may need to find a mentor who can help you navigate the waters in the field in whichyou choose to make your living. The point is that if you try to make a way for yourself you WILL. It's so hard,and looking back over the last 16 years of my life I wonder how I did half of the things I did earning 5.20 and hour, paying for my apartment and bills while clothing and feeding my son as a full time college student. Earned Income Credit at tax time was helpful....   It's hard to be responsible and not much fun BUT SO REWARDING. If you chose to keep your baby rather than set up an adoption, you need to prepare to be a mother. Get some help with planning child care and education if your desired field of work requires it. Get it now and make your plans while you have the time because you will be completely distracted once your baby arrives. It's also easier to carry out or alter pre-set plans as needed rather than to plan as you go.

I hope if you've read this far that you understand that I am sympathetic to your plight because I have been there. Don't continue to repeat history especially when it was so hard the first time. It will only become more frustrating, not easier! Learn from your past and make yourself a better person for your experiences rather than turning into a victim.

Quoting BusyB:“ I think pointing out the statistics is a thoughtful serice to provide because it's something you normally ... [snip!] ... not easier! Learn from your past and make yourself a better person for your experiences rather than turning into a victim.”

Did you seriously type all of that out?  

I do believe that a teenager can be a great parent, it all depends on how mature they are and how dedicated they are willing to be towards raising their child!

Shame on you for being concerned and posting this, Mara. You're terribly judgemental by posting actual statistics.  

Quoting AQUAmarine:“ Shame on you for being concerned and posting this, Mara. You're terribly judgemental by posting actual statistics.  ”

feel free to slap my hand a bit.

*extends hand for slapping, wincing in anticipation*

i just wish these girls would read through the entire thread and think about what's been said... but i imagine anyone who takes that sort of time and consideration in the first place, would understand why i posted these stats, why it's not an attack, and are probably going to be great moms anyway.

*sighs*

I feel those well-thought out posts calling you names and this post BS are enough punishment for what you have done. Let that be a lesson to you,
Mara.

Quoting Mara:“ just wish these girls would read through the entire thread and think about what's been said... but i imagine anyone who takes that sort of time and consideration in the first place, would understand why i posted these stats, why it's not an attack, and are probably going to be great moms anyway. "

Exactly. =) Seriously, Mara.

i originally posted this in this thread, but feel it's important to share w/ all of you :

I'm currently reading a rather obnoxious book about raising boys (since i have a baby boy), but despite being an obnoxious new-agey book (called "the wonder of boys") the author does site some sad facts about what happens far too often when teens try to raise children.

90% of america's inmates (up to the age of 35) are born to mothers under the age of 18.

that sad but not really surprising fact-- in and of itself, is reason enough for all of us to worry about the rise in teen pregnancy.

whether or not teenagers feel that they're ready to have sex, they are almost all-- especially when they're under the age of 18, still in school (or ought to be), still in the throes of pubescent hormones, and still financially challenged (to say the least) and thus, it is a rare teenager who is able to effectively love and discipline their child, raise them in a stable home, nourish them properly and give them decent prospects for the future.

the number one predictor of crime is poverty. so long as people are desparate for money to eat, to live, much less live well, they will be more likely to engage in criminal activities and to be in an environment where such behaviors are visible and acceptable. kids do what they see, not what they're told to do... it's called modelling.

so, a teenager who is not financially stable and cannot financially fund the child is setting up their child's future in desparate circumstances, which are more likely to lead to criminal activities.

which brings me to my last point on this topic: i've noticed how many members on here berate the young teenagers who're staying at home w/ their parents-- essentially relying on their parents to help raise their kids.

although the situation is far from ideal, having your parents help raise your child is a substantially better option for most teens than anything else... unless their home environment is chaotic, violent, and/or otherwise conducive to abuse and neglect.

as i was saying to one of our teen members the other day, it is only in america you will see people being mocked and scorned for choosing to stay w/ their family after a baby is born.

our ancestors as well as most cultures in the world today, do not raise their children in a nuclear family environment (mom, dad, kids), but instead in a collection of families... where aunts and uncles, grandparents, and other relatives all live near or w/ one another and are equally invested in the next generation.

this is actually the ideal setting to raise a child... not only b/c the will receive more stimulation socially-- which will advance their social and language skills, but it lightens the immense burden that any mother -- much less a teen still working their own lives out, must work under during those first years of life.

i wish i had one of those large italian families so i knew i could pass max over to my mom, or auntie so-and-so w/ no concern, b/c we all live together and trust one another b/c we're family.

instead, nick and i struggle to get our work done, all the while fighting feelings of guilt b/c we both need to work and play/stimulate/care for max... it's a constant struggle and we live and work at home... i can't imagine being a teenager who needs to go to school five days a week.

despite what our fierce culture of independence might have you believe, it is not a shame to not own your own home, regardless of your age or financial situation. it is a shame and too often a tragedy to be unable to raise your child(ren) in a loving, stable, and healthy environment.

Quoting BusyB:“ I think pointing out the statistics is a thoughtful serice to provide because it's something you normally ... [snip!] ... not easier! Learn from your past and make yourself a better person for your experiences rather than turning into a victim.”

You pretty much summed up what reading half of these posts has made me think. These girls on here are griping about these statistics being here as if someone just MADE them UP out of thin air! They are HERE because they are REALITY. It's wonderful that some of these girls have a good head on their shoulders but just reading their word choices and picking up their attitudes makes me think that they have a LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO. They are completely missing the point of this post. I like to think that Mara was actually presenting a Challenge to these girls to turn around these statistics! Be the minority and not the majority! As for judgemental adults in the communities you girls may live it-- don't worry about them. Go to bed tonight thinking about this: their kids aren't doing anything differently than you are. Their kids are having sex too. Their kids are out there doing the same things-- it's just unfortunate that you were 'caught'!

That is the ONE thing that I HATED about living in a small town kind of atmostphere-- when someone's kid would get pregnant or get busted for drinking, the other 'high and mighty' parents would talk about it as if THEIR KIDS WEREN'T DOING THE SAME THING! The fact is that their kids do the same things but they just are lucky enough not to get caught at it.

I'm 20 years old. I'm married. I have my first kid due in December.

My husband, Brandon, asked my father for permission to marry me on March the 9th. We had been dating since I was 16. For almost 4 years.

I found out-- shockingly-- that I was pregnant on April 13th. We were married June the 21st.

You want to talk about a JUDGEMENTAL community-- my whole TOWN was abuuzz with the news that I was pregnant and getting married (it shocked the town because I didn't seem like the type to get pregnant and get married).

The stranger thing? I wouldn't even notice it except that someone pointed it out to me-- I've grown up just in the matter that for the first time that the WHOLE TOWN is talking about me, I don't care! It's a WONDERFUL freedom not to care about anyone's well being but your own family's and friend's.

It's liberating... give it a try!