re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia

Quoting 914:“ honestly even tho this might offend sum teen mothers...im 16 and pregnt and this didnt offend me at all..its ... [snip!] ... But this does need to be read i think so other teen parents and read it and decide weither or not they want to be a statistic!!”

it didnt affend me either im 16 too well some bits a tiny bit but not what mara said

Wow..why would you post something like that if you didnt want a lot of mean responses. I am 20 years old and I am pregnant with my second child, and no not because I'm careless. With both of my little boys I took my birth control pill everyday at 10 a.m. and I have tried different kinds of hormones with the pills I was on with both pregnancies. What can I say but God wanted me to be a mother. I am also getting married in August to the father of both of my children and we were engaged before the children. I am also in school to be a Pharmacist. Hmm that sure sounds like I am a reckless person who just went around having sex and happened to have a baby.

Quoting dmbblnd377:“ Wow..why would you post something like that if you didnt want a lot of mean responses. I am 20 years ... [snip!] ... be a Pharmacist. Hmm that sure sounds like I am a reckless person who just went around having sex and happened to have a baby.”

please read through the entirety of the thread before responding... you will understand the intent of my posting and know that i'm not concerned in the least about "mean responses" or those of you who would be offended, but rather raising awareness among those teens who are not prepared to parents... b/c there are plenty of teens out there who aren't ready.

i'm glad you feel prepared and hope this is a reflection of reality and not just your pride.

personally, i'm 29 and have just had my first child and i can honestly say, despite being a rather responsible individual who is in excellent physical shape, has a BA, a loving partner, and plenty of money in the bank, that being a mother is very HARD work on every level and i couldn't imagine doing this correctly at 14, 16, or even 20. sure, i'd do my best, but my best back then cannot compare w/ what i can offer my son now -- financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally.

and still i worry that it's not enough.

And also, I was married before I was pregnant. My parents signed for me to get married and then I got pregnant. My husband and I have our ownplace, car, and money coming in the bank every week. I know alot of teen parents go out and party and this that and the other, but just because some of them do that DOES NOT meanpeople should steriotype the rest of us who do not. We didnt even party or any of that before we got married & pregnant. I dont care what anyone thinks,they have no reason to steriotype teen parents just because of some statistics.

And to the judgemental people out there, think about this... Guilty by association, do youin any way fit in that category?And how does it feeltoyou if theydo? Not good when everyone puts you down because of others' actions, does it? But then again, based on the waymost of the judgemental peopletalk about themselves, theyprobably dont (intheir own minds) fit in that category because they talk as if they are perfect. What about the divorce//affair rate nowadays? Ever look at those statistics? Just because you have the "perfect career" and "perfect husband" doesnt mean it will last. Just because you are the age that everyone expects you to be expecting or raising a child, have the perfect salary, were married before you got pregnant, and are perfect in your own eyes - doesnot mean that your child(ren) will be brought up perfectly. They will learn things from school, t.v., and their friends anyways. Even sheltering your child will notdo any good because they will thenbe lostin the real world once they grow up... soyou should open upyoureyes and look at how messed up our world is to begin with. Watch the news and look at those statistics. Even if you have the "perfect" plan for raising your children in your own "perfect" little way does not mean that everything will turn out your way. My grandmother thought she was perfect and look where that got her kids, in prisonand into drugs. She didnt drink or smoke or any of that. she had tons of money and a college education, yet her children turned out the opposite dispite her "perfect" raising. So before you judge others, think about how messed up our world is and concentrate on your own life. You wont get anywhere by judging people, because in the end,you could be the one being judged.

My name is Lilly, I am 18 years old, and I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second chance.

I was 17 during my first pregnancy, but unfortunately I miscarried.

Still, then and now I am working towards being the absolute best single mother I can be.

I don't have a very impressive history. When I entered highschool everything went downhill and I began skipping classes almost daily. I hated school. I dropped out when I was 16-years-old. I don't have a diploma or a GED and currently have zero job experience. Would I go back and make things different if I had the chance? Hm..well, no, I don't think I would. I am a single expecting mother with no real direction. But I don't consider myself a statistic. Fortunately, I was raised by an amazing mother. She taught me so much and continues to do so. She helped me to understand that just because I haven't done things by the book I'm not any less uneducated, and it does not make me a bad parent. My main goal in life is not about me, it is about my child. No, I don't have financial security but I am working towards changing that and my baby will always be taken care of..no matter how much I have to endure to make sure that happens.

I would like to clarify that I'm not bashing what anyone has said. In fact I admire LOADS of what has been said here.

My name is Shannon, I am 18 years old, soon to be 19. I have a beautiful daughter born on April 1, 2007, and am now pregnant and due on April 19, 2008. I am not saying that I would recommend that all teens should go out and get pregnant on purpose, but it's not as bad as you and the statistics make it out to be. I graduated high school (even though I was pregnant basically my entire senior year right up till graduation) in the top 10% of my class, I am going to college. I am engaged to the father of both my children and we are very happy. I love my life and I wish that maybe you researched the other side of the statistics, like the positive ones because I know for a fact that I am not the only teenage mother who has completed high school with honors and all that jazz and the fact that the name of your post is why you don't want to be a statistic, for god sakes, could you possibly stereotype and make teenage mothers feel any more like crap than to call us "statistics?" News flash: we are still people, and we are still human, just like you. I do not say any of this to offend you or to be mean in any way, I wanted my opinion out there.  

A lot of that is true... but i believe that age has no factor on how well you handle motherhood. Rather, it is the emotional maturity that plays the biggest role. Everyone likes to point their fingers at young mothers and how "terrible" it is that they are having children so young. I have many friends who have children and started young like me and we are all wonderful parents (i even took in my little brothers). Yet, no one really talks about the GROWN women who beat, abuse and mistreat their children. There are just as many mothers who lack the emotional stability and financial security for children among women in their 30's and 40's as their are in the teens and 20's. If you think im wrong, youve been looking in the wrong neighborhoods.

Quoting Mara:“ please read through the entirety of the thread before responding... you will understand the intent of ... [snip!] ... w/ what i can offer my son now -- financially, emotionally, physically, or mentally. and still i worry that it's not enough.”

Honestly in this day and age if you had to be completely emotionally and financially ready, very few people would have children. And the ones who did, would not be in the middle class and lower and why should we not be able to have children? Just because we didnt get a rich daddy and a trust fund or couldnt afford a good school so we could make good money?? I had my first at 16, then another two years later and to tell you the truth they are what made me ready for kids. I know that sounds stupid that having kids made you ready for kids but its true!!

Quoting WiFeY W/ 2 KiDS & 1 aNGeL:“ A lot of that is true... but i believe that age has no factor on how well you handle motherhood. Rather, ... [snip!] ... their 30's and 40's as their are in the teens and 20's. If you think im wrong, youve been looking in the wrong neighborhoods.”

actually, there aren't as many women in their 30's and 40's that mistreat and abuse their kids... the research demonstrates that over and over again.

it's not the fact someone is a teenager that means they'll mistreat or abuse their kids-- the biggest correlation between childhood abuse and parenting is poverty.

the unavoidable fact is: teens have less financial means and less resources to access, and are more likely to end up in poverty than older women, and therefore are more likely to mistreat and abuse their children.

and for the millionth time: this post isn't directed towards the teens that have managed to take on the incredible responsibility of parenting and do it well. if you've read anything i've said, you should know that this post is for the many teens who aren't prepapred, who haven't educated themselves about what it means to be pregnant and are just starting to take stock of their situation. they need to know what they're up against.

i admire and respect those of you who've taken your role as a young parent seriously and fought to defy the statistics and give more to your child. your stories are the ones the unprepared teens need to read.

but you won't ever hear me saying it's easy to raise a kid as a teenager or that you've got the exact same chance of doing it well as someone older does. you're younger which in basic terms means: less educated and less emotionally mature, less financially stable, than you would probably be if you had given birth later in life.

ask any of the women on here who were pregnant as teens and have survived to tell the tale.

Quoting WiFeY W/ 2 KiDS & 1 aNGeL:“ Honestly in this day and age if you had to be completely emotionally and financially ready, very few ... [snip!] ... truth they are what made me ready for kids. I know that sounds stupid that having kids made you ready for kids but its true!!”

i think it'd be great if very few people were having kids. the world would be a better place.

just look around on the site at some of the sorts of women who are pregnant on here and tell me you're not a little bit afraid for the future of their children.

Quoting myers523:“ My name is Shannon, I am 18 years old, soon to be 19. I have a beautiful daughter born on April 1, 2007, ... [snip!] ... still human, just like you. I do not say any of this to offend you or to be mean in any way, I wanted my opinion out there.  ”

i didn't call you a statistic. or any teen. you are only a statistic once you act like one.

most of the women who've responded to this post are not statistcs b/c they took their role as a pregnant teen seriously and did their damndest to do what's right as they brought another human being into the world.

still, teenagers are notoriously self-centered (for good reason they're still figuring out who they are), so perhaps that's why everyone thinks i'm talking about them and getting unnecessarily offended.

Quoting Mara:“ i think it'd be great if very few people were having kids. the world would be a better place. just ... [snip!] ... of the sorts of women who are pregnant on here and tell me you're not a little bit afraid for the future of their children.”

are you serious?? your judging the women on this site based on what youve read ?? you dont know any of them really... and no i am not scared for the future of these children. True there may be some women on here that i dont agree with, but that doesnt mean they arent good mothers... ipray for the safety and wellbeing of all children, no matter what age or how rich the mom isand like i said before, if you think its mostly teens and 20's aged mothers that are most likely to be bad moms, you are seriously looking in the wrong neighborhoods. I dont care what the statistics say, go out on the streets. I know more "bad" moms who are well off and have lots of money than i do poor moms, and I know A LOT of poor moms. i think you need to stop judging other women based on what they have posted here...just my opinion

Quoting WiFeY W/ 2 KiDS & 1 aNGeL:“ are you serious?? your judging the women on this site based on what youve read ?? you dont know any of ... [snip!] ... I know A LOT of poor moms. i think you need to stop judging other women based on what they have posted here...just my opinion”

when i read something like a question concerning breastfeeding after a woman's done a "little bit of coke" ... i tend to worry for the kid. i've been running this forum now for over four years and some of the women that come on here -- by their own account, are quite clearly not deserving of the title "good mother."

we all judge based on what we've read on the site.

you've judged the intent of my post instead of trying to understand it w/ an open mind... that my posting this is an insult to teenage mothers is patently wrong. the intent of my post is to wake up the teens who are coming on here pregnant and completely unprepared.

would it be better to pretend that they're qualified just b/c they're pregnant?

b/c someone is pregnant or a new mother-- does not make them a good mother. should i pat them on the back and tell them, "good job! your child will be an amazing human being b/c pregnancy is a beautiful thing and i know you're a good mom."

the truth of the matter is not pretty for many of the teens who come on here. they have a hard road if they want to do it right, and their kids have an even harder road if their parents (usually mom alone) is unable to do it right (for whatever reason).

there are teens lucky enough to have support and that's how it should be... but some of the stories that i've read on here are truly horrific and try as i might, i can't imagine their kids are going to grow up happy and healthy unless a miracle takes place. you can tell yourself that b/c you've done things right that means everyone else will too, but that's just you being unwilling to look the facts in the face.

i posted this b/c i care about the well being of their newly born and unborn children... b/c i believe it's possible (as so many of you have demonstrated w/ your personal stories in this thread) to defy the statistics if they only take the considerable time and energy and focus on being the best parents they can be w/out compromising.


and whether or not you believe the statistics is irrelevant. even w/out wikipedia, the research proves time and again that poverty is the largest index for abuse -- your criticisms are important though, it's true that people that are well off can be abusive, but it's less likely to happen.

this is about the big picture here. and although your experiences w/ different aged mothers are important and definitely color your view of parenting, it is only one perspective that does not take in all the facts
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if i were to post what i know about teen parenting from my personal experience alone, i wouldn't have much to say b/c the teen parents i know had family support. but the stories on here have blown my mind over and over again.

try to imagine being a 15 year old girl, pregnant from a 20-something old guy who's got two other girlfriends, five kids already, and your parents are kicking you out b/c they found out you're pregnant... on top of that you rarely attend school, have already been too deep into the party scene, and have less than half a clue what you're going to do about the tiny little being that has suddenly started growing inside of you b/c you let that guy have sex w/ you when you were too drunk to say no.

these are the stories that make me worry about the future of these teen's children, some of whom will invariably join the statistics. i wish it weren't true. i wish all the women on here were like the ones who get pissed at me for posting this b/c they've already proven the statistics wrong... but unfortunately, many of these young women are facing incredible odds and their children will have to deal w/ the consequences.

Quoting Mara:“ when i read something like a question concerning breastfeeding after a woman's done a "little bit of ... [snip!] ... unfortunately, many of these young women are facing incredible odds and their children will have to deal w/ the consequences.”

i was there. i was 16, partied too much, smoked dope and was way out of control. u kno what set my ass straight? getting pregnant! im not sayin there arent bad moms on here, im just saying that u dont know them. i think teen moms need support, not judgement, but whatever. ur gonna say and believe what u will and so will i. god bless all mommies and their babies.