re: why you don't want to be a statistic in wikipedia
posted 20th Oct '06
so i have been reading all of the replies posted here...i think everyone is getting too defensive saying that this is wrong or thats not right...im 19 and pregnant i consider myself young..but only by todays standards really...yes my grandma had my mother when she was 16,and she was already married...thats just how things were done back then...my sister had her daughter when she was 17..actually like 2 weeks after she turned 17...and she is prolly the best mom to my neice...i think that alot of how you treat your kids...not always..but most is resentment,so many people have kids unplanned because they think abortion is wrong*which im not going into that argument either*but at the sametime they resent their kids or dont get that motherly attachment to their child...alot of new mothers dont just love their baby completly right away*that came from my doctor*i dont kno how i couldnt love my baby right away but it happens and i think that if you resent your baby being there in the first place that your not gona take care of it as well as you could,not sayin that you wouldnt b a good or great parent,but thats how child abuse and neglect come in the first place,the parents just dont want their kids...i have 6siblings my youngest sister is 4 and i cant imagine anyone treating them or any children the ways i have heard,and its just kind of a fact that mostly teen pregnancies are unplanned...therefore leaving the children at a higher risk for all of those statistics...but then again i dont rely on the whole survey thing or statistics,because it all depends on where you get your info from.but thank god woman mature faster than men!imagine if the men were having the teenage pregnancies ...thered b alot less people thats 4sure!and theres never really a time when people r 100%ready 4kids i think...theres always just somethin that could b goin better or different place or time,but if u want to then u make it work,and its not also just about work harder 4it...seriously if you dont have support its really hard...imagine having no job at 15 and everyone just leaves u alone with a baby...no matter how hard u work its harder than anything...i never had that experience personally,but i kno so many teen mothers who are one of the "statistics"but its mostly in my opinion about the person,not about their age,but it seems the people who are most frustrated with the original message are the people who arent one of the statistics...ive rambled on enough,but u cant understand the issues with teen pregnancy until u can actually experience both sides first hand quote
posted 22nd Oct '06
Someone made a reply saying that she was married before she was pregnant as if its a bad thing not to be married before u get pregnant.. which offended me.. Brfore u get pregnant u are in a relationship (most people are) for a few years detemining if that person is "the one" I was with my husband for over 4 years before we got pregnant but we werent married at the time! I found out I was pregnant, had the baby and then decided to get married.. I wanted to make sure he was ganna stick around even after the baby got here before i even considered marrying him.. but i had no doubts about that anyways, i knew he was ganna be there for me and our family .. but it dosent make u any better just because u were married before u got pregnant!!! Being a good mother and not making those statistics TRUE makes u BETTER!!! Yea being married before u get pregnant is a major plus but it dosent make u better in my book.. Most Teen mothers arnt married before they get pregnant and end up having a wonderful family (father, mother, and child) afterwards.. and then they decide if marriage is the right thing for them.. Marriage is just a piece of paper and it dosent make u better or more qualified to have babies.. And as for those statistics. They may be true for some teens but not all... And yes I got pregnant 13months after my 1st child but u cant tell me that plenty of adults dont do the same thing!!!! i know MANY who have done that.. and what does it matter , if iam ganna take care of the 2nd one just as good as i take care of the 1st. My love for my family should not be based on my age but by my heart.. and as for older women being selfish and having babies in thier 40's that is way worse then teen mothers in my book.. the children suffer considering they have higher possibilities of having birth defects and so fourth..quote
I have 3 kids & live in Texas
posted 22nd Oct '06
i think everyones getting too defensive! mara was just trying to help teen mommys *not* be like that, she wasnt saying everyones going to become one of those statistics.
i know good teen moms and bad teen moms.
it alll depends.
posted 23rd Oct '06
I don't think that not being a teen mother makes you more qualified to be a mother. I was 18 and in my senior year of high school when I got pregnant with my son, I wasn't married and it was a planned pregnancy. I don't rely on the statistics that were posted because there is always a way to swing the statistics to fit the agenda you are trying to prove. They are being presented as the truth, but the truth is different to everyone and like I said, can be manipulated. My question would be who funded it? Never have I wished that I could be out shopping or partying. The only statistic that was correct for me was that Iím pregnant with my second child in less than 24 months. With both pregnancies, I gave up fast food completely, along with sodas and other caffeinated drinks. I plan every meal to make sure I have healthy and complete diet. I take my vitamins. I guess I canít say on the behavior issues, and prison time because heís still too young to tell, but I believe that is left to genetics and parenting. EVERYTHING I do, I involve my son in to help stimulate his mind, we play games, and he helps me with my everyday house hold chores. I truly believe Iím a better mother than some parents that are in their 30ís, whoís idea of taking care of their kids is to sit them in front of the TV. with a bag of chips (but then again, it's the same for some parents no matter what age). I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I do make mistakes, but I try hard not to. We are not struggling to make ends meet and have never had any help from welfare (not that that is a bad thing, I think you should use it if you need it, thatís what itís there for). The daddy (my now husband) has always been there for me and our son. I understand what Mara was saying, young momís need to take care of themselves to give their babies a good chance, so Iím not trying to come down on her, but I think there needs to me more statistics on ALL parents that looks at all aspects fairly.quote
posted 23rd Oct '06
i'm appreciating all of the critisism that's coming through here.
as i've been saying, it's important that teenage mothers are given a chance to be more than a statistic-- before they're condemned by everyone.
i hope that no one has mistaken my posting for critisism-- it's absolutely not.
these statistics are here for you to to think about and if it makes you mad b/c you know it's not true for you-- then great, you're one of the lucky moms.
the problem/reality is that these statistics aren't lies-- they're not the whole truth, but they certainly aren't lies.
the reason teenage pregnancy is a problem isn't because a young woman isn't capable of being a decent mother, no... the reason it's a problem is that many of these women are simply incapable of doing it on there own at such a young age, w/out some form of social, familial, and/or emotional and financial support.
the reasons many women end up pregnant at 16, 15, etc. are all different, but the one common thread that ties all pregnant teenagers together is the fact you're still young and under-prepared to succeed in the adult world.
as i've already said, i believe there are young women who get pregnant and take to motherhood like a fish to water, but these aren't the majority by a long shot.
modern society puts a lot of stress on adolescents to plan for a future which includes college and several years of training before any sort of work actually will pay well.
in the meantime, if you get pregnant, you're essentially throwing a huge wrench in your independence and you'd better pray you've got the financial and emotional support you're going to need to make it as a young mother in this not-so-forgiving world of ours.
my posting is here to make people think. those of you that are protesting have every right to protest and i welcome all of your comments whatever they are-- because it's important for young women to know that there are young mothers out there bucking the statistics and tragic stories that come through the news media these days. BUT it's also very very important for all you young pregnant women to realize just how much work it takes to avoid being one of those statistics. it's not obvious.
again, i really appreciate all of the comments coming through here. it's important to keep sharing the positive side to give young teenage mothers an example of what's possible on the positive side of motherhood.
for all of you who're offended by my posting, please don't be-- you have my utmost respect as women who've buckled down and done the hard work, made the sacrifice, and really shown all of us what it means to take on the responsibility of parenthood no matter what your age.
posted 23rd Oct '06
I think that this is BULL!! I am 18 years old, and due in January, I was 17 when I got pregnant, but I was engaged, and living with the guy in a stable environment, and my pregnancy was planned. Now I am married, and we are financially and emotionally prepared for a child. Now I do know SOME teenage mothers who are pregnant, and not ready for the responsibilities of parent hood in ANY way, but to assume that ALL teenage pregnancies are un planned, or destined to fail is PURE IGNORANCE.....
posted 24th Oct '06
i don't know exactly what you're referring to as bull-- but i'm pretty sure that no one here is assuming that ALL teen pregnancies are destined to fail.
if you've read the thread carefully, you'll find that most of the replies to my initial posting are in full support of the idea that there are young women out there capable of motherhood despite the fact they started in their teens.
this is a GOOD THING!
on the other hand, i posted the statistics because they are a reality -- i was never claiming that 100% of teenage mothers are destined to screw up and abuse their children (or whatever).
i'm happy that you've made your way in life and found stability in your choices-- you are what gives these young girls hope.
i just don't appreciate the aggression when no one is even making the claims you're being angered by.
if you'd read through this carefully, i don't think you'd be claiming it was bull and pure ignorance.
posted 28th Oct '06
WELL ALL I GOT TO SAY IS I HAVE SEEN/KNOW SOME MOTHERS THAT ARE IN THERE 30'S AND WORSE OFF THEN ME. I AM ONLY 19 AND HAD MY SON YOUNG, WELL HE'S STILL ALIVE, AND TAKEN BETTER CARE OF THEM MOST KIDS. AND SMARTER THEN MOST! HMM, I AM PREGNANT AGAIN AND GUESS WHAT...... NOPE THEY AREN'T THAT CLOSE IN AGE... THEY WILL BE 4 YEARS APART! HOW IS IT FAIR FOR YOU TO POINT OUT THE BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED WHEN TENNS HAVE CHILDREN., AND NOT ANYTHING GOOD???? WE MAY BE YOUNG RAISING OUR KIDS TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY, BUT AT LEAST WE ARE NOT OUT THERE SMOKING METH AND OUR KIDS IN AND OUT OF FOSTER HOMES! THINK ABOUT IT! AND GIVE US CREDIT WHERE IT'S NEEDED!!!!!! THANKS quote
posted 1st Nov '06
To say that women in their 30's or 40's are being selfish to have a baby; to say that they cannot take care of their child as well as a teenage mother, etc.. is just as ignorant as an older woman putting down a teenager for being pregnant. There is no right or wrong age...when you get older you will end up laughing about what you thought when you were younger...you will still have energy to get on the floor to play with your baby...don't be silly! Look at your own parents? Did they not have any energy to do things with you when you were younger. The most important thing for a child is the love from a mother and/or father, the love of a family...it doesn't matter what the person's age is - young or older.
No one has the right to put down another human being regarding parenting no matter what age they are. Statistics are only biased facts, they do not reflect the positive side, they show the negative. There are negative sides to both young and older mothers. Just like there are many positive sides to both.
As long as a mother puts their child ahead of themselves then there would be no statistics, on either side of the coin...hopefully with education and resources for teen mothers, all mothers in general - they can make the right choices.
So please, regardless of your age...don't put down other people, be above that and teach your children that everyone in the world deserves to love and be loved, regardless of their age.
posted 8th Nov '06
You all understand what its like being a teen adn pregnant so if anybody can help...please do!
Im 15 and eight months pregnantÖmy family is pushing me to give my son up and are saying if I donít, theyíll take me to court and prove me unfit. Yes I did have a bad past but in my condition I learned to stray from those activities and even moved to a different state. If there is any information you can give me to help me keep my son, could you please send it my way...im desperate!
posted 21st Nov '06
I am the child of a teen mother im now 19 years old and pregnant with my first child I graduated with my high school class and being in top 8 of whole class I was only 17 when i graduated and i dont think the statistics are true i can provide it wrongquote
posted 24th Nov '06
I had my son at 15 he is 3 weeks from being 2 and I just had my daughter 3 weeks ago so yes my kids are under 24 months apart but she was planned, yes both my kids have the same dad, yes we are together and planning a wedding,no he is not abusive to me or our kids, I graduated high school when masyn was 3 monthsold ..we own our house just bought a new car and my kids have everything they could possibly want. I honestly believe someone just comes up with these "statistics" to make a lil cash and dont put much honesty into them!! I agree there are a few bad teen moms out there but there are alot more older parents that are horrible parents. I think being teen parents we try alot harder to prove we are good and fit parents to the rest of the world but there just to ignorant to see past these "statistics".quote
posted 26th Nov '06
masyns~mommy wrote: I had my son at 15 he is 3 weeks from being 2 and I just had my daughter 3 weeks ago so yes my kids are under 24 months apart but she was planned, yes both my kids have the same dad, yes we are together and planning a wedding,no he is not abusive to me or our kids, I graduated high school when masyn was 3 monthsold ..we own our house just bought a new car and my kids have everything they could possibly want. I honestly believe someone just comes up with these "statistics" to make a lil cash and dont put much honesty into them!! I agree there are a few bad teen moms out there but there are alot more older parents that are horrible parents. I think being teen parents we try alot harder to prove we are good and fit parents to the rest of the world but there just to ignorant to see past these "statistics".
I think you all have the right to have an opinion and I applaud you for being responsible and good mothers (PERIOD) not teen moms.......because that is irrelevant once you have the baby, its how you respond and be the best mom you can. However, I take offense to a lot of you justifying your teenage motherhood by saying that older moms are worse moms than teen moms. That's not right..............there is not an age limit when it comes to parenting and who does well or who does not...........it is not dependant on age at all! A teen mom can be a good or bad mom as well as an older mom can be a good or bad mom. So its fine you are happy with your choice (if someone decides to not have the baby or give it up for adoption that is their right and as all of you are angry someone is judging you I suggest you look at yourselves judging others at the same time and think hey I don't like it so maybe I shouldn't do it
) but please stop insulting older women they have just as much right to have a child! I am still young by my standards but I know plenty of women in their 30's-40's who have babies and are wonderful moms
posted 28th Nov '06
Thank you icelandmommy; that is the exact point I was trying to make as well!quote
posted 29th Nov '06
I'm actually a bit offended by this post. I am 20 years old and newly pregnant with my third. I will be newly twenty one when I give birth to my third child. My first child came about not by choice.I was seventeen when I had her and a senior in high school. I had an older boyfriend who basically used me for sex, whether I wanted it or not (Which in my case was a NOT). I did the bigger thing by not getting an abortion and keeping my daughter. She is such a joy to have around. I honestly do think that there is too much negativity put on teen moms. I was one, and I turned out just fine. Who cares about what Wikipedia says? We're all here for support, not to hear about what Wikipedia says about teen pregnancy/young moms. I did not miss one day of high school. I had my baby over christmas break and went back to school with all the other students in January. I graduated with a 4.0 average, went to college, and live a perfectly normal life. And you know what? I'm one of those so called "statistics"...I had my second child a year and eleven months after my first. I met a wonderful man, we decided that we wanted children close in age. We married this past June and I am now expecting my third child next August. There is NOTHING wrong with being young and having children. I don't have it all together, and I 'll be the first one to tell you that, but I am damn proud of what I have accomplished thus far in life. I've overcome an abusive relationship, I've kept a job, went to college. I believe that I've risen above the statistic, and I believe that every other teen mother can, and does as well. Stop focusing on the mistakes that we make, and praise us for the things we do right with our lives. My advice to you, don't bother looking up statistics on teen pregnancy. Let people live their own lives. Not every teen mother ends up a deadbeat dropout. Some of us actually live normal lives. It bothers me that everyone has to focus on the bad. That's what's wrong in our society today. That's why there is so much focus on teen pregnancy. And you know...I was on birth control for a while, I didn't want a third child. And God works in mysterious ways. God allows everything to happen for a reason, and I believe that is the case with young mothers too. I was anorexic before I became pregnant with my daughter. Being pregnant with her saved my life. I appreciate your effort in giving people the facts, but the fact is that not all young moms are irresponsible and end up being horrible parents. Some of us are actually great parents. My kids are my life.