Overbearing Parents!

Did you ever just get the feeling that no matter what you do with your child/family it is always contradicted with a "Well I would have done it this way..." sentence from your own parents whether they are biological or in-laws. That you have come to the point where you wanna scream I know what I'm doing and even though you THINK you may know better I will never learn to be better at dealing with bad/embarassing/akward situations if you don't cut the damn embilical cord off my tummy first.

My Mother is one of those moms that swears she hates drama, doesn't want to be around it and doesn't like creating it, yet with her own children she is the primary source of it. She causes more fights between my husband and I in a week then I do in 3 mos. come to think of it she is the primary source of my arguements with him. The most annoying part of it all is when I tell her you need to stop giving me advice whenI don't ask for it, stop telling me no I shouldn't do this with T.J. I should do this instead, stop caring about my finances and talking to people about something you know nothing about and stop assuming anyone is passing judgement on me but you, you feel like you're in the wrong when she gets sad and tells you she was only trying to help.

She has this awesome way of manipulating and twisting things around so it seems you are just rearing up at her because you don't love her you hate her and it hurts her so much that one of her own children can hate her. To me divorce is not an option in my book, if you can't work out things with the man you told you would spend the rest of your life with him through thick and thin in front of god/your family/or whatever you believe in, you should not have gotten married. So when I need a listening ear and the comfort from my mother I expect that she should know that the first answer to all my problems should not be So just leave him and teach him a lesson, then 10 minutes later well I don't want a divorced daughter that would make you and I look bad to the rest of the family. I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SEE! I just wanted someone to vent to and give me USEFUL advice not oh leave or oh, what will people say. This is just 1 of many 180's she pulls on me.

Another is when my husband and I moved out to Cali my parents agreed to pay for the moving expenses, since they are the ones that wanted us out here so bad and we where content in our home in NY, but I had become homesick. They had purchased our home, which we in turn bought back from them with a 10,000-20,000 increase because my mother said the move ended up costing more then we expected so we tacked on half to the final sale cost on the house as well as some other items they had purchased for our house so it would be ready by time we moved out to Cali. Which is FINE, but don't tell me you're going to do one thing then flip flop and tack on extra fucking money we didn't think we would have to come up with. What can I say to her? "Oh, I thought you were covering the whole cost?" Then I'd look like some ungreatful spoiled brat. She puts me in situations where if it looks like I'm complaining I'm ungreatful, spoiled and uncaring towards my mothers feelings.

What am I to do in a scenerio such as this, but sit here and for lack of a better phrase take it up the ass from a jack hammer. LMAO!

I'm dealing with this right now and honestly, only you know what to do best. Since it's your family, only you know how to deal. I would probably just freak out, and have a serious talk with her and explain what her role is. My mother-in-law causes ALL the fights with my husband and i, as of right now. but i've just started to ignore everything she says, and just nod and smile; it seems to be working right now.   but good luck!!!!!!

jenbear? are we long lost sisters? because i think we have the same mom! haha

well, i am not married, so i don't get the grief over the divorce issue, but pretty much everything else in my life is wrong in my mother's eyes. to her, everything i do is a direct representation of her parenting skills, bad or good (but the bad outweighs the good most times recently). i love my mother and i know she loves me and cares about me and wants the best for me, but she is very manipulative and crazy about a lot of things.

i don't have much of an idea what to do about it, for you or for me. i used to really worry about it a lot and just kind of "yes, mom" her about everything. but now, i am beginning to develop a bit of a backbone. her antics are just getting old and too annoying to let rule my life anymore. anyway, good luck to you!

I've tried the sit down and talk things out calmy approach it ended up with her crying and saying why do you hate me and you are so ungreatful for everything me and your father do for you. >.< I cave and say no I don't and we are more then greatful....but it doesn't make things better for us. She will sometimes back off for a week or two then just resort back to her nosey ways. So honestly unlessI take her to a therapist and let someone else tell her this is not a healthy relationship between a mother and her children, I am at a loss of what to do wtih her or how to handle her. I'd probably have to trick her into going to family therapy and oh, boy I can see the repercussions to that. She is one of those people that think all psycologist are money greedy idiots that don't know what they are talking about when it comes to HER family.

well damn if she said she would pay for it SHE SHOULD!!!!!! stand up and if she flips it back on you say well it was YOUR idea and now i'm pay for it

"Then I'd look like some ungreatful spoiled brat. She puts me in situations where if it looks like I'm complaining I'm ungreatful, spoiled and uncaring towards my mothers feelings."
OMG! My mom does that shit to me all the time!!! I'm pretty much not allowed to voice my opinion even when she asks for it.

For example this might get long)
My step-father just passed away last October. She is already seeing some new guy and it has pissed me off beyond belief. Not ONLY was she able to get over my father in a split second and marry a man with a terminal illness. She was able to fucking move on from him in 7-8 months time. So yeah, she knows i'm pissed. She has also stated she KNOWS she is in the wrong and she feels bad about it. Anyways! She comes up to me the other day and says "Do you care if [said new fuck buddy] comes up to visit in September?" I replied with "Yes, I do care but I don't have a choice now do I!?" She just looked at me bewildered and says "Well that not what I wanted to hear." WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!! I'm not hear to tell you what you want to hear. Quite frankly i've been doing that most of my life just to desperatly get my mother attention. I'm sick of it. So now she is pissed off at me because her 22 year old daughter is growing up and telling her how she really makes her feel. *heavy breatheing* If you don't want to hear the truth DON'T FUCKING ASK ME!!!

*pants*
Ok, sorry Jen. lol You sparked a rant in me but yes I kinda know how you feel. Jakes mom is a dumb ass and doesn't get involved in our lives at all and my moms to self obsorbed with herself to care about ours. She does like to butt in every now and then to piss me off though. haha

Quoting Okaasan:“ "Then I'd look like some ungreatful spoiled brat. She puts me in situations where if it looks like I'm ... [snip!] ... moms to self obsorbed with herself to care about ours. She does like to butt in every now and then to piss me off though. haha”

Ha! Ha! I was expecting your rant to follow becauseI know you know EXACTLY how I feel.

I bite my tongue ALOT around my MIL.