re: Significant other or child?

Quoting Nyakos:“ I would choose my husband.”

   

Quoting twinsplusone:“ I am a Christian, and you're right, the husband is to be your first priority in life. But I personally ... [snip!] ... his whole life ahead of him and I want to be there to mold him and love and nurture him. My husband can survive on his own. lol”

Any belief that says my husband should be my 1st priority is unwelcome in my life. I understand you personally would choose your children, but some wouldn't because of their beliefs. If I am misunderstood can someone explain that bullshit to me?

So as you can assume my answer would be my children. Your children are blood, and will always on some level or another totally and completely need you.

Quoting Nyakos:“ Yes. It usually ends with him getting really upset so I've gradually stopped mentioning it. I supposed ... [snip!] ... at work right before they discharge me. I'll have an excuse for packing since women normally take hospital bags and everything.”

Wow, thats really sad.

Well, theoretically in Christianity my understanding is it comes God, spouse, child... Yada, yada... But I would choose my child I believe. I guess to be perfectly honest it would depend on the situation tho. Is this an adult child or one of my babies? If its one of my babies, they come first. Adult child... Eh, not sure. Also, it depends on WHY I am choccing. Is it bc the SO is abusive or hurtful? Child. Bc the child in question is haveing a problem with addiction or something and really needs tough love, then SO most likely. On the other hand tho, I do agree that you raise your children to leave your house and have their own family, but your spouse is your spouse till death do you part.

My son comes before anyone in this world. We've actually had this conversation of who would we choose. We both agreed Aiden is at the top of the list for the both of us.

My babies....without a single doubt!

Quoting Nyakos:“ Yes. It usually ends with him getting really upset so I've gradually stopped mentioning it. I supposed ... [snip!] ... at work right before they discharge me. I'll have an excuse for packing since women normally take hospital bags and everything.”

I dont mean this in any rude way, or in a way that i am telling you what to do with this situation. I am genuinley concerned about what you said. If you are seriously planning on doing that, abandoning the baby soon after the birth, do you not feel guilty or bad for your husband, when he finds out you left the baby and left him?

The poor guy.
I know you have your reasons on doing this all and if you do that then you'll beleaving him anyway,have you not consideredtelling him your plans?
As the babies father i think you owe it to him to tell him your plans.

So then he can raise the baby, how does he really feel about it all? what has he said?

Anyway, these are just questions, please dont think im telling you what to do, im just concerned for you.



I know you said you argue about it, but

Why would you abandon the baby and leave your husband? Why wouldn't you just the leave the child with his father, who obviously wants him? Did your husband know you didn't want kids before you guys got married?

Quoting wendylou:“ I dont mean this in any rude way, or in a way that i am telling you what to do with this situation. ... [snip!] ... please dont think im telling you what to do, im just concerned for you. I know you said you argue about it, but”

I wouldn't feel guilt or sad at all, I never feel anything at all.

I've told him my plans before but he never really responds. We've never argued over it. It's usually just him depressed and resigned to the fact I'll do what I will do.

He'd be willing to raise it or at least attempt it.

J e s s i c a: How could I just leave the child with his father when the father is my husband? If I wanted to completely abandon the child I would have to leave my husband. He knew years before we were married I never intended to have children and had a general dislike for them and he felt the same way.

Quoting Nyakos:“ I wouldn't feel guilt or sad at all, I never feel anything at all. I've told him my plans before but ... [snip!] ... years before we were married I never intended to have children and had a general dislike for them and he felt the same way.”

But if he wants the baby why would you give it to some one else? And I said that because you said you would abandon the baby and then pack up your things and leave while your husband was at work or something, becauseit would ruin the relationship with your husband if you gave up the baby.So if you'd leave both anyways, I'd think you'd at least leave the baby with some one who wants him.

I'd honestly feel better if my son were to find a decent two parent home of some sort with a stable family atmosphere.
My husband doesn't do a very good job of taking care of himself and I don't think he would be able to adequately care for an infant. I imagine if/when I leave him he will go back to constant binge drinking and heroin or possibly just commit suicide since he tried in the past when I attempted to leave him.

Quoting Nyakos:“ I'd honestly feel better if my son were to find a decent two parent home of some sort with a stable family ... [snip!] ... to constant binge drinking and heroin or possibly just commit suicide since he tried in the past when I attempted to leave him.”

Wow, sounds like you have a lot to deal with...

He's perfectly fine as long as I'm here. He completely stopped drinking the day we found out I was pregnant. First time either of us had been sober in over half a decade for anything length or time. He's an incredibly loving and sweet person. He just has a tendency to self destruct at times and has worse abandonment issues than me, even though I'm the orphan.  

In any case, I'll probably end up keeping our son along with him and remain married for years. I probably won't ever be content, but being married with a loving husband and son is a lot better than a lot of people have. Maybe I'll get used to the idea of having a family and excel at it, who knows.

Quoting Nyakos:“ He's perfectly fine as long as I'm here. He completely stopped drinking the day we found out I was pregnant. ... [snip!] ... son is a lot better than a lot of people have. Maybe I'll get used to the idea of having a family and excel at it, who knows.”

I hope you'll be around to let us know how it goes for you. Good luck.

Quoting Nyakos:“ I wouldn't feel guilt or sad at all, I never feel anything at all. I've told him my plans before but ... [snip!] ... years before we were married I never intended to have children and had a general dislike for them and he felt the same way.”

Have you ever spoken to a counselor or therapist about this? I tsonds to me like you are suffering from depression, You might have some sort of chemical imbalance that is making you feel the way you do. Never feeling is not normal esp. when you are dealing with all the things you mentioned. I think that you should speak with someone right away. Maybe you could get some help and then you would be able to feel all the wonderful feelings that a child brings. You are making some VERY serious life changing decisions right now and I think that you should be sure that you are making those decisions with sound mind.