i am feeling broken

I lost my first baby at 11 weeks. There was no crapping or bleeding. I went to the doc for an appt. and there was no heart beat on the ultrasound. How does this happen and why? It's my boyfriends 4th time to go through this and he blames himself of course. We had samples taken, in order to get to the bottom of it. I am so broken from this whole experience. I wanted nothing more then to be a mom!!!!

i'm so sorry

I'm so sorry hun. the same thing happened to me in January. I was told it was a totally random thing that happens. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. Big hugs to you.

Thanks. I have some questions and maybe you could help. I had to have a dnc done and I am wondering how long is normal to bleed? Also how long will it take to be able to start trying again?

I am very sorry for your loss.

There is no telling what happened, but most of the time it is totally a fluke. People dont realize it but when I baby is forming there are a million things that need to come together Just Right for it to all happen. Most people take it for granted because it seems to happen so easily for most women though.

There is no reason that either you or your SO should blame yourselves, as there is/was nothing you could have done about it.

I hope you feel better soon, and if you need to talk, I am always here to listen.

Quoting heartbroken1984:“ Thanks. I have some questions and maybe you could help. I had to have a dnc done and I am wondering how long is normal to bleed? Also how long will it take to be able to start trying again?”

We had our ultrasound on a Wednesday and I waited until the next Thursday to see if I would miscarry naturally. I didn't so I opted for the D&C.

Physically, it was really easy. The whole procedure lasted about 30 minutes. The hardest part for me was waking up and realizing I was no longer pregnant.

You'll probably bleed a little longer than a regular period. I didn't bleed for the first 4 days and then I bled pretty heavily for about a week afterwards.

I got pregnant pretty quickly after I had the D&C. A lot of doctors recommend waiting 3 months, but I spoke to my midwife and she said that we could try again right away.

I'm now 6 months pregnant and everything is going as it should. No problems from getting pregnant so quickly after the miscarriage.

When are you having the D&C?

Quoting heartbroken1984:“ I lost my first baby at 11 weeks. There was no crapping or bleeding. I went to the doc for an appt. and ... [snip!] ... in order to get to the bottom of it. I am so broken from this whole experience. I wanted nothing more then to be a mom!!!!”

I had the exact same situation with my 1st pregnancy, only I opted not to do the testing, because I was too crushed to want any information at the time. I was 11 weeks, and they found no heartbeat, so I had a  D & C. 

I know how hard it is, and believe me, it took me a LOOOOOONG time to get over it ( I actually joined my husband and a group of his friends on a remote surf trip to Indonesia JUST to get away from here). The silver ling to that is I have a beautiful baby girl, who's nearly a year, and another one due in February. So stay positive, the good news is, you KNOW you can get pregnant. It will happen for you  

Another thing to mention, is your hormones go really crazy after a miscarriage, and mine were so out of control, I was put on anti-anxiety medication (Xanax). 

I went to the doc appt on the 6th a wednesday and I had the dnc done on Friday the 8th. It's been a week 2 morrow. I didn't bleed the first couple days but I have been now since Monday. I go back to the doc on the 22nd to get the results from the testing that was done when I had the dnc. I am jsut wanting to know what went wrong and start trying again.

Quoting heartbroken1984:“ I went to the doc appt on the 6th a wednesday and I had the dnc done on Friday the 8th. It's been a week ... [snip!] ... results from the testing that was done when I had the dnc. I am jsut wanting to know what went wrong and start trying again.”

My doctor told me it is 1 in 5 that end in miscarriage. I never knew it was that common. After I had mine, maybe 5 of my friends told me they had had them too. I guess people don't really bring it up.

I agree people don't talk about it very much. That is why I decided to talk openly about it. I don't want it to be an tabu. There is nothing to blame yourself or your husband for, so why would one hide it. I personally felt like it was a very lonely thing to go through because my husband could not fully understand, our parents usually don't understand because when they were pregnant with us they didn't have many u/s done and if they misscarried they probably don't even know. 
I just want the girls around me to know that I went through it and if they ever have to experience it, I will be here to listen to them.

I'm so sorry...  

I really hope you are able to get some answers... Please let us know if you hear anything!

Lots of hugs,
- Jess