I really need advice....

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, give or take.. and since I have given birth he has become a whole new person and I don't mean in a good way. We've always had our ups and downs, but lately I think we have hit rock bottom.

I was tested positive for Group B Strep and during the birth of my son, I was showing signs of it being active. I received antibiotics once I was admitted but I guess it wasn't enough. My son had an infection and stayed in NICU for over a week and by that point I started to notice my husband didn't care...

For reasons:
We lived an hour away from the hospital and I literately had to beg for us to go see him and when we did, he wanted nothing to do with our son. Hedid not want to hold, feed, or just give him love. I thought it might have been somewhat normal, especially since he is a new father but I guess it was just denial, on my part.

When my son was released, it seemed like he was even more distant from him. My husband would tell me, "You give him more attention than me," or "You spend more time with him than me." I tried to assure him that I love the both of them so much.

Well, in the last two weeks, I confronted him about how I felt like he didn't care about our son. And BAM, he just snapped. He told me that he never wanted to have him.. all this nasty stuff that I would never forget.. It hurt so bad. Anyway, I told him if he feels this way, I'm not holding him back. All I want is for him to be happy and if it's not with me, then go ahead. In the process of this all, he decided to leave. He told me he does not want our son to know who he is, will not pay child support, or anything. Then when I was saying my goodbyes, he decided to stay. And since then, I just don't know what to do.

Should I just act like it never happened? He hasn't come around with the help of our son. He thinks he is doing me a favor feeding him while I shower.. just things like that. What should I do?

That's terrible!! You and your son deserve so much better!! But if he leaves, he should have to pay child support, after all the baby is half his. I don't think that's anything I could forget. If my boyfriend said that to me, I would kick him out of my life for good. That's so aweful.

You should really sit down and talk to him b/c in the long run if he doesn't come around your son is going to feel that distance and that void from his father. I can't tell you what to do, but when it's all said and done you need to do what's best for you and your son and if your husband comes around that would be wonderful, but if not then it's going to be his lost b/c having a child is the most fulfilling experience in the world! I really hope things work out for you and your family!

Quoting Aloha:“ My husband and I have been together for 8 years, give or take.. and since I have given birth he has become ... [snip!] ... the help of our son. He thinks he is doing me a favor feeding him while I shower.. just things like that. What should I do? ”

I think you should leave him. He has made it clear he doesn't want to have much to do with your son. It's not fair because you didn't make him on your own but things don't always happen the way we want them to. I think he might have stayed because he doesn't want you to put him on child support honestly. He can't stop you from doing it if he was to leave. After saying the things he said to you, you have to think about it. If he said those things that means they have been on his mind which means he is being honest with what he is telling you. He didn't say those things to hurt you if he shows no affection towards your son and you shouldn't want your son around someone who doesn't love him the way you do. I know it sucks but you have to think about him and his best interest. Good Luck.

He did a lot of damage that objectively to me is irreparable. It's not just that he was hands-off or distant or upset. He flat out told you he never wanted his son and told you he didn't want to stay in the marriage. I don't know how someone could move past that and stay with someone who has that thought in their head. If he's going to act like he's doing some huge favor to you and your son by sticking around but still being a jerk about it, I'd say good riddance and tell him it's over. People so often are misguided in thinking that they need to stay together out of habit or for their children and I'd rather start my life over then to live my current one in misery.

wow that's horrible. i would definitely leave. your son is going to pick up on the vibes that he is not wanted by his daddy and that would probably be easier to accept if he wasn't around him.

i'm sorry to say that your son and you would be alot better off with out him! He does not seem to love his son and there is really no excuse to subjugate your son to someone that does not want him and in the end your son may just grow up resenting his father for his behavior and you for calling it quits!!! But dont deny your child the financial secuiryt of child support!!! although your husband says that he doesnt want the kid to know him it is sitll his responsability to help you out financially and you shouldnt deprive your child or yourself of that extra help!!! i think that deep down you already know what the right thing to do is!! now you just have to act and do it!!! do what is safe and right for YOU and your BABY and dont feel sorry for him... he will come to regret his attitude in time but he doesnt deserve you or his son!!! Good Luck!!!

Quoting Aloha:“ My husband and I have been together for 8 years, give or take.. and since I have given birth he has become ... [snip!] ... the help of our son. He thinks he is doing me a favor feeding him while I shower.. just things like that. What should I do? ”

That must be very hard.. it's because you've been with him so long that you dont know what to do right? But definitely that little baby needs you more then he does! My dad left my mom when she was 3 months pregnant with me and now he regrets it because he missed out on seeing me grow up. But make him pay child support if he leaves- you can by law and he won't have a choice. I hope that he snaps out of it .. it may just be fearful for him too.

Quoting Aloha:“ My husband and I have been together for 8 years, give or take.. and since I have given birth he has become ... [snip!] ... the help of our son. He thinks he is doing me a favor feeding him while I shower.. just things like that. What should I do? ”

Yikes! First I would check to see if he is cheating on me. Cause it sounds like someone is guilty of something..
Then kick his butt out. and YES he would have to pay child support no matter if his child knows him or not. Wow he sounds like a winner 

Wow, thats a really rough situation. I would imagine leaving a marriage and an 8 year relationship is alot easier said than done. Do you maybe have some family you could stay with for a while? Or maybe tell him that he needs to find somewhere to stay for a bit, so you can both have some time to think. Making the decision to end your marriage is a huge decision. Maybe if you took a week apart or something, show him what life without you guys would be like, it would give him a bit of a wake up call? Sounds like he must really have a lot going on in his head. To say things like that to you, is not something you can just forgive and forget. After a break for you both to evaluate things, see what you want, and then I would definetly say you should see about some marital counceling. Maybe get some help to get to the root of the problems, and the resentment he seems to have??

Thank you all for your replies. At this point he has taken a "vacation" to Washington to visit family and friends, while in the process of thinking about what he wants and how he feels. It's very obvious that he needs some serious time to think. I couldn't bare to have my son grow up without his father. I never envisioned this happening to me, my son, or my marriage, but it is.. and I need to face it. I know I need to think most importantly about my son and it breaks my heart because I know what's right.. and that is saying goodbye to my husband. I just can't continue with him hearing those words"You're not suppose to be mothering my child," over and over again in my head. It just fills so much depression in my heart.. I just can't believe what he said.. After 8 years.. It's unimaginable. Well, it's time to call it quits.

Take care and thanks again.

Quoting Aloha:“ Thank you all for your replies. At this point he has taken a "vacation" to Washington to visit family ... [snip!] ... can't believe what he said.. After 8 years.. It's unimaginable. Well, it's time to call it quits. Take care and thanks again.”

after 8 years? I cant believe that..you must have felt that kindof feeling before..things arnt absolutly perfect and then one day hes just like i want to leave you i dont want our baby..in my opinion and it sounds terrible,i think your relationship was over before your child..i think you should just let him go and find someone that will love you and your son more than anything in the whole world,want nothing but to be with you and have your babies..im sorry..

Quoting Aloha:“ My husband and I have been together for 8 years, give or take.. and since I have given birth he has become ... [snip!] ... the help of our son. He thinks he is doing me a favor feeding him while I shower.. just things like that. What should I do? ”

Oh hell no. Excuse my french but fuck him. You shouldnt have to beg him to go see your sone. You shouldnt have to try and make him love his own flesh and blood. If he dosent want to be involved in your sons life fuck him with a sick dick. You and your lil man desrve much better and thats what you should get.