"just get over it"
142 postsposted 13th Aug
My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will NOT "JUST GET OVER IT" I CANT! That baby was still my child, my flesh and blood and a part of me!
Soo im just supposed to get over the loss of my child? I have dreams at night about my baby walking, talking, looking up at me-I know she was a girl, it was too early to tell but its a very strong feeling. I was so in love with the thought of being a mommy, and raising my baby to be a good person-and now Im supposed to just let all that go? She's trying to run my life ever since this happend, I cant spend the night at my boyfriends house [according to her-but im 18 years old, she can get over it] She calls and calls and calls everytime my boyfriend are together because she doesn't want me to put HER in that situation again. HER? So its all about HER! The only thing she says to me about it is "DONT PUT ME THROUGH THAT AGAIN" or "YOU SHOULD GET OVER IT, YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO GET BACK AT ME WITH IT"
So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?
quoteSoo im just supposed to get over the loss of my child? I have dreams at night about my baby walking, talking, looking up at me-I know she was a girl, it was too early to tell but its a very strong feeling. I was so in love with the thought of being a mommy, and raising my baby to be a good person-and now Im supposed to just let all that go? She's trying to run my life ever since this happend, I cant spend the night at my boyfriends house [according to her-but im 18 years old, she can get over it] She calls and calls and calls everytime my boyfriend are together because she doesn't want me to put HER in that situation again. HER? So its all about HER! The only thing she says to me about it is "DONT PUT ME THROUGH THAT AGAIN" or "YOU SHOULD GET OVER IT, YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO GET BACK AT ME WITH IT"
So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?
4050 postsposted 13th Aug
Quoting jayna [misses her baby]:“ My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will ... [snip!] ... So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?”
I'm sorry that your mother is like that. some people are insensitive and just dont understand. Im sorry for your loss..
I have 1 child & live in East Hartford, Connecticut
2834 postsposted 13th Aug
I think you need to get some counseling with your mother, are there are support groups in the area maybe if you took your mother or even if she doesn't go it would help you
quoteI have 3 kids & live in Connecticut
13369 postsposted 13th Aug
I cant beleive a mother would act like that. A miscarriage is not something you just get over and she should be one of your biggest supports right now. I would sit her down and tell her how you feel and that it isnt about her but about you and her being there for you.
I'm so sorry for your loss hun.
quoteI'm so sorry for your loss hun.
I have 2 kids & live in Florida
1947 postsposted 13th Aug
Quoting jayna [misses her baby]:“ My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will ... [snip!] ... So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?”I am sorry for your loss. As far as your mother is concerned is she acting like this because of your age? Or because she feels as if she is too young to be a grandmother? Either way it's not right at all. When I was pregnant at 18 my mother told me to stop calling her mom in front of people. For many years it hurt but I got over it and started calling her Sharon now that I am grown and on my own she likes to talk about her daughter and her grandchildren
I'm due February 12th (a girl), have 2 kids & live in Lansdowne, Pennsylvania
1080 postsposted 13th Aug
Quoting jayna [misses her baby]:“ My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will ... [snip!] ... So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?”
I'm sorry about your loss, and sorry that your mother is so inconsiderate of your emotions right now. I just hope you get better soon. Ya'll might need to have counseling because there might be a deeper problem that your mom is acting out on. Just try and see if she will want to.
I'm due May 23rd (a boy), have 1 angel baby & live in Atlanta, Georgia
posted 13th Aug
My mom already has one grandchild from my brother, and we wouldn't give him up for the world! But-she acted like my child was just an inconvenence, like-it was a "thing" not a baby. My boyfriend's family loved the idea I was pregnant, he did too-he's been extra supportive since my mother obviously doesn't care. She got so mad because she had to take the day off of work to take me to my D&C because my boyfriend doesn't have a car. ughaljdkfljdkalfjd.
my mother and I definatly DONT get along, she's like "YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DO ANYTHING" but heller she got married at 19 but she was saying she was sooo much more mature than I am. She wants to treat me like a child when honestly Im the most independant of any of her kids.
quotemy mother and I definatly DONT get along, she's like "YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DO ANYTHING" but heller she got married at 19 but she was saying she was sooo much more mature than I am. She wants to treat me like a child when honestly Im the most independant of any of her kids.
285 postsposted 13th Aug
i completely understand wat ur mom is trying to say..and she's completely wrong in how shes doing it.. my mom would never tell me to 'get over it' if something like that happened to me... u just gotta remind her that it is a part of her that died too. that just because you were early in the pregnancy doesnt mean the baby didnt move..didnt have a heart beat..ya kno?? .she just doesnt realize it..eventually she'll come around and try and take it all back.
im sorry for your loss =/
quoteim sorry for your loss =/
I'm due February 2nd (a girl) & live in Pennsylvania
8 postsposted 13th Aug
Jayna, we were due very close together. My heart breaks for you and I am sure your baby knows how much you love her. Try and focus on that if you can. I have lost two babies now, and this won't be the first insensitive thing you hear. It is just so much harder hearing from your Mom. Just know that we are thinking of you and your angel.
Misha in San Diego.
quoteMisha in San Diego.
I'm TTC since May '08, have 2 kids & 2 angel babies & live in San Diego, California
posted 3rd Sep
honey i know exactly how you feel i lost my first baby dec 27th 2006 they did the D&C dec 28th. my mom told me that i was dwelling on it and i needed to get over it. it still bothers me to this day i will never forget bout my child. now i have a 2 mth old daughter but she will never take the place of the baby i lost. GOD just needed my 1st baby for him. now im ok with it. things happened for a reason i thnak GOD everyday for my daughter. you never get over something like that. but in the end GOD never giives you anything that you cant handle and when the time is right you will have your sweet baby just give it time, cause i finally got mine. shes my world.
quoteI have 1 child & live in Alabama
763 postsposted 4th Sep
Quoting jayna [misses her baby]:“ My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will ... [snip!] ... So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?”
I'm sorry your mom is being so cruel. My mom has said some insensitive things too. Not as cruel as your mom, but she's said things like "Now you have a second chance to wait until I'm 50 to make me a grandmother" and "Why do you want to have kids so bad anyway?" My ex-boss was 7 months pg a few weeks after my m/c and my mom told me I should send her a baby gift, and acted like I was lazy and rude when I said I wasn't going to. And don't think moms only say this stuff when you're "too young." I'm 24 years old, and she got pg with me when she was 19!
Mothers are just full of nonsense sometimes. I stopped responding to mine when she said these things and now she doesn't bring it up at all anymore. It sounds like you need a break from your mom if you can get one. I know it hurts, but try to ignore her and take comfort in the people who do understand and support you. Good luck!
posted 4th Sep
I had my first baby when I was 24 and I was completely ready. (Maybe could have been better financially) but glad I did it. I am the proud momma of a H igh Schooler (yikes!) and also a mom of a pre-schooler. It is harder older, but you do cherish it a TON. I hope you all remember that those who hurt you mostly mean well and want the best for you. Being forgiving will help a lot along the road, as grieving takesa long time if not forever, and the "others" will move on. Those of us with our angels, we know better, and want you to take your time.
hugs
Misha
quotehugs
Misha
I'm TTC since May '08, have 2 kids & 2 angel babies & live in San Diego, California
posted 4th Sep
i know how you feel, im 17 and i just has a miscarriage and i was only 4 weeks along, my mom acts like it never happened. i just know mine was a little girl too. what helps me cope is that i know this will not be the only chance to get pregnant and theres a very high chance that next time you get pregnant, u will have a healthy pregnancy and baby.
I live in Ohio
251 postsposted 19th Sep
Quoting jayna [misses her baby]:“ My MOTHER has been telling me that I should "just get over" my misscarriage! WHAT THE FUCK. NO I will ... [snip!] ... So, mom its all about you huh? I dont feel ANY pain because it wasn't about me? Soo, what I had nothing to do with my baby?”
It sounds like she has no compassion for you or what your going through and that's sad because she suppose to be your mom.
I feel for you!!!!
I've had 10 miscarriages from 1990-2007 and it's something that you don't get over especially if you wanted that baby.
Some of my miscarriages were harder to deal with and still to this day bothers me and some don't because I accepted the loss.
In time..... you will learn to cope with your loss, but only when your ready for that, so don't rush it.
Hopefully you have friends and close family that you can talk too about this and if not then you can always post on here and there will be someone out there that knows what your going through.
Don't give up....... things can only get better.
I have 4 kids & 6 angel babies & live in Rancho Cordova, California
posted 30th Oct
Honey I know exactly what's it's like. I just had a miscarriage and I had the D&C today. It hurts so bad, you start planning for this little life and then *poof* it's gone. I know God had a reason for it, there was probably something wrong with the baby and He just decided to take it home rather than let the baby suffer. I just have to trust that he can see the big picture when we can't. I know it'll make me stronger for going through this. It doesn't make it any easier, it feels like I'm crying every time I turn around. You never get over the loss of a child, unborn or not, it's still a death and that's something we have to try to deal with for the rest of our lives. I don't know if you're a Christian or not but I'd still like to give you a verse that might help you, it's found in the Psalms, "When your mother and father forsake you, I (God) will be there." Lean on Him honey, He's the One that's helped me get through this right now. And I can rest on the promise that my little angel baby is up in Heaven with God, in very good Hands.
quoteI have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Redding, California
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