deleting........

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Quoting mommatoaboobtick:“ Seriously. Do you ever feel like that? What's worse is we are going on vacation together (well not really ... [snip!] ... it? I just want a peaceful life happy life and it seems like there's no happiness in our house because he's always pissed off.”

Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking it is ok to be treated like that? I understand you want her to have both her parents but that is not always the best option.

I would suggest divorce, but as you said it isnt an option. In that case, I would tell him that there are going to be some changes or you are going to leave.

I mean, there is no reason for him to treat you like that. In all honesty, start documenting when he blows up, when he blames you, when HE screws up and then go and talk to him.

He can't dispute black and white right in front of him.

Good luck. \


But seriously, dont stick around for the sake of your daughter. Do you want her growing up thinking that the way daddy treats mommy is ok? That is just perpetuating a cycle, hun.

Quoting mommatoaboobtick:“ Seriously. Do you ever feel like that? What's worse is we are going on vacation together (well not really ... [snip!] ... it? I just want a peaceful life happy life and it seems like there's no happiness in our house because he's always pissed off.”

I feel like this A LOT! I don't know what to do either....it just sucks! But, I tell him exactly what needs to change or else I can't stay with him bc I'm not going to put myself through it all over again. It actually works...though it's gonna take time! We've had that talk a few times and just yesterday was the last time...he has changed a lot b.c of it.

If you don't share with him how you feel, then it is never going to get better.

Reading about husbands like that make me want to call my husband up at work and tell him I love him. Sorry you are in that situation.

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have you thought about marriage counceling? it sooo not right for him to treat you like that. my dad was like that to my mom and then when my sister and i got older he started doing to us too. now we have a very strained relationship because i totally resent him and he is now doing everything he can to make up for it. make sure you think about whats best for your kids cuz you dont want them to end up with low selfesteem like my sister and you dont want them to hate their father!! good luck!

Quoting jaela's mommy!!:“ have you thought about marriage counceling? it sooo not right for him to treat you like that. my dad ... [snip!] ... cuz you dont want them to end up with low selfesteem like my sister and you dont want them to hate their father!! good luck!”

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This is a man I'm going to assume that deep down she loves. He's the man she married and the father o her child and getting a divorce isn't going to "fix" anything... sure it might remove her from the immediate situation, but what will it do for her and her daughter in the long run? Is teaching her duaghter to cop-out in times of trouble a good thing either?
This man is being mentally abusive and thats not acceptable....... BUT what needs to happen here is for her to do everything she can to get him help. Councilling, and learning what being a "real" man is and supporting her family as a whole is a much better solution.... not the easy one I'll admit, but what things in life that are really worthwhile are easy?
People CAN change..........if she exhausts EVERY option in getting him to see the error of his ways and get help then consider divorce.......
Divorce seems like the asy solution, but it has it's own consequences too, esspecially on children even when it seems in our eyes "better" for them.. it's still damaging.

Quoting katie813:“ Reading about husbands like that make me want to call my husband up at work and tell him I love him. Sorry you are in that situation.”

AMEN! I read stories like this and I thank god every minute that I'm blessed with an amazing husband. I'm so sorry for what's going on and I'll be praying for you and your husband.

Try talking to your husband a few hours after it happens, letting him and you calm down. Again, i'm sorry!

Yup i feel like that at times. I know you want to be together, but if you are arguing and its a tense environment then your daughter is going to pick up on that and grow up very unhappy. It would be better you lived apart and were both happy. Its not just about being together, its about joint parenting and creating a happy and nuturing environment for your baby to grow and develop in.

Id suggest you have a good talk with him. Find out what is going on in his head that he has to be so controlling. Is he losing control in other areas of his life? unhappy at work? something must be bothering him to act that way. I think it can be overwhelming for some guys to come home and be cooped up with a new baby. It sounds like hes just stressed out and taking it out on you because you arent close anymore. The only way you can resolve things is by telling him exactly what he is behaving like, and exactly how it is making you feel. You have to come to a compromise about things. Tell him straight up, if he has a prblem with something you are doing, then he has to TALK to you about it. Yelling is NOT acceptable and it wont get either of you anywhere.


We had an awful argument about 4 days ago and i thought we had separated, but he is acting like we are fine now so who knows   Im waiting to speak to him about it tonight when he comes back. It all started with him insulting my cooking. Idiot. I feel like he insults absolutely everything in our life; from food i cook to the area we live in - he is just so rude and pessimistic ALL the time. I care for our son every single day in hospital, and i pay bills, do all the cleaning and housework AND im at school. He just works and hangs out with friends - thats it. And yet he calls me lazy?!! asshole. It is totally just projection, he is the lazy fuker and i nag him about it, so now he just says all the same stuff right back at me. Stupid arse, as if im not going to know his game   Phew, vent over.

We however, have lost a baby for each year we've been together, then this year 2 men attempted murder on him and he was out of work for months because of it. Our son has also been in hospital since birth for nearly 9 months and is dying. That is why we are so stressed. We never argue, but things finally built up and thats why we had this explosive argument. Men are just weak!! they cant cope like we can, they cant handle stress - so they take it out on us or become distant. Relationships require regular maintenance otherwise these things can build up, and befre you know it seems like there is no happy future.

Quoting Amanda Neil's mommy:“ This is a man I'm going to assume that deep down she loves. He's the man she married and the father o ... [snip!] ... has it's own consequences too, esspecially on children even when it seems in our eyes "better" for them.. it's still damaging.”

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Quoting twinmami:“ Yup i feel like that at times. I know you want to be together, but if you are arguing and its a tense ... [snip!] ... require regular maintenance otherwise these things can build up, and befre you know it seems like there is no happy future.”

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Quoting Amanda Neil's mommy:“ This is a man I'm going to assume that deep down she loves. He's the man she married and the father o ... [snip!] ... has it's own consequences too, esspecially on children even when it seems in our eyes "better" for them.. it's still damaging.”

It's not about cop-ing out. That's a pretty narrow vision of what is happening here.

While people CAN change, they WON'T change unless they're ready to do so, and it seems as if he's not even really aware of WTF it is that he's doing wrong. You can push someone into counselling to deal with those kinds of issues, but unless they think that their behaviour is wrong then they are just going through the motions and effective change won't last. You can tell me I'm wrong, but I've worked in the mental health field as a child and family counsellor. I've seen these things happen.

In my experience, it's not always the best option to have mom and dad in the same house, especially if there is controlling and mentally abusive behaviour. When you allow yourself to be victimized that sets an example that just continues future victimization. If a daughter (or a son) sees that the daddy can treat the mommy any way they want and the mommy has to suffer in silence about it, then that cycle continues. My mom left my dad, and I didn't suffer because of it. I learned to be a strong and independant woman like her because of it.

I guess I just believe it's best to be alone and healthy than together and sick..

Quoting mommatoaboobtick:“ Thank you.. I'm going to try to talk to him again when we are at his parents house. I have a feeling ... [snip!] ... she is always smiling and googing. SHe rarely cries, I would just hate to see her grow up as an angry child because of this.”

Yeh i think that has alot to do with it. My hubs had an abusive step father and was neglected, so he grew up not having to answer to anyone. I think if they dont have a good role model then it must be hard to be a good dad. I know so much of my parenting and values etc is based on my childhood and the way my parents raised me - i cant imagine how i would be if i didnt have that knowledge or experience to base my life or parenting ideals on.

ETA: LMAO i would probably be like hubs