re: deleting........

Is threatening to kidnap your child a restraining-order offense? Sounds like "the baby needs both parents" isn't as important to him as it is to you. Or maybe it is, but he's assuming he'll find your replacement back home, one that's easier to walk all over and belittle.

Hide or destroy that baby's passport ASAP.

...........................................

Quoting mommatoaboobtick:“ We all travel together, but when we arent together its hid. But I think he could get a 2nd one from his ... [snip!] ... to leave. Sadly that's not how it works. He just has to change or I have to deal with it. I cant live without my baby girl.”

leave and get a restraining order??

There are lots more things to do than just stay and take it

Quoting Mrs Mandi:“ It's not about cop-ing out. That's a pretty narrow vision of what is happening here. While people ... [snip!] ... independant woman like her because of it. I guess I just believe it's best to be alone and healthy than together and sick..”

I wasn't trying to infer that people should stay in an abusive situation no matter what.
I'm thrilled that your parents divorce didn't have a long term negative effect on you ( although I'm not inclined to totally believe that).....but the fact of the matter is that in MOST situations where divorce happens it is worse on the children and causes them long term pain and suffering and effect their future relationships negatively and how they view themselves, the opposite sex and their ability to trust people and develop close attachments... working in the mental health field you should be well aware of that fact.
Most divorces ARE a cop-out, and could have been salvaged, and should have been worked on long before it got to the point of one spouse feeling like they have "no other choice."
I was actually trying to encourage her to do everything she can to get help for this man that she loves/loved. B/c even if she does leave him it will do nothing to help him and will only line up an open spot for some other owmen to go through what she is.
I don't understand why poeple can be so narrow minded about only doing whats "right" for them in the moment. I know I couldn't respect myself if I didn't do everything I could to help someone I was close to, to salvage my marriage and to provide a complete and whole, and healthy family for my children. ....... a divorce doesn't instantly accomplish any of that......
you can thinkk thats narrow if you want to but I take family and marriage and the people I care about, even when they hurt me, very seriously.

Quoting mommatoaboobtick:“ We all travel together, but when we arent together its hid. But I think he could get a 2nd one from his ... [snip!] ... to leave. Sadly that's not how it works. He just has to change or I have to deal with it. I cant live without my baby girl.”

***DH has just been snooping around my computer, so have deleted my original posting for safety reasons (don't want him to get a big head reading about what a great father he is!!)***

Oh and by the way, as far as I know, so long as you hold onto the documents, there's not much he can do. Yes he can issue a new ID card or passport in his own country if he has all the documents like birth certificate, marriage certificate, etc., but not without. ***DH has just been snooping around my computer, so have deleted my original posting for safety reasons*** Also, as one of the moms suggested, start keeping a written record of his behavior. It might be an idea to email somebody on a regular basis about it, as each email will be dated and thus probably more plausible if the worst comes to the worst and you want to use them in court (I'm no lawyer though - you might like to check on that).

Look, so long as you're AWARE that you're being bullied and you're AWARE that he's being unreasonable, it's not too late to salvage things (like your self-confidence if not your marriage). Keep posting here, it really helps to hear sane third-party voices reminding you that you are NOT that crap person he makes you out to be sometimes.

And have a contingency plan, even if it's just ticket money in a secret bank account and a single packed bag containing all your valuables plus diapers and wet wipes!

Quoting tigrrboxer:“ Oh God, my husband's tried making threats like that - the last time, I locked us in the bedroom (me and ... [snip!] ... up a home for scared wives =))) Darn, we missed the lunar eclipse last night - that would have been a perfect oppurtunity...”

Have you read anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder??
http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder - this is a wonderful group, lots of info and support ;) i think it might make a lot of sense to you.

http://samvak.tripod.com/
http://www.echo.me.uk/npd3.htm

co-dependency is often an issue that leads to us staying with someone who has NPD. If you look it up you might find some enlightening info.

Thanks so much twinmami and I don't mean that sarcastically - I'm now getting flashbacks to my pregnancy when every little sentence I read on NPD got me hyperventilating - it's like reading sypmtom checklists for brain cancer or AIDS or something - I'm like check, check, check, and each check sinks my heart a whole foot lower - because it's like a life (or death) sentence for me - they say he'll never improve, he'll never get better, he can't be cured. I REALLY hope I'm wrong and he just ... has problems. Other problems.