need some advice please

So hubby and i currently have a 13 month old. We will be TTC-ing at the end of the year. Here is my issue and what i need advice on. My SIL had a MC in dec and they waited the 3 mos the dr told the to wait to try again. he dr said he was sure it had nothing to do with her and it was just something that wasnt meant to be. Well they have been VERY actively trying since march and have not been able to conceive. I have talked to her a few times and i know it is emotional for her. And i want to be able to suport her and give her advice well not avice because i dont know their situation so i cant speak on it because i havent been there, but i want to be there for her. i have asked her about using an ovulation calendar and she hasnt used one she says the dr told her what her fertal days were for march, she is stl using those days. I know this because she told me one day that she started her period so i did an ovulation calendar based on that and the fact BIL had said her cycles are usually 21-23 days. so when i did the calendar i didnt tell her the days but BIL told hubby they were BD one week because it was time and it was a week later than what theovulation calendar said. So i feel like they are "doing it worng" and part of me feels like i need to keep my mouth shut, but another part of me feels like i can see how much it hurts her every month she gets AF and i just want to buy her a book or give her "pointers" of how to "take advantage" and bots fertility. I just dont know what to do. The part that tells me not to say anything knows that its hard for her to talk about, but the part of me that says to say something says to because i feel like they are missing the best window by a few days and they arent using all options available to them to conceive. SO im asking thouse of you that have had experience with this what our advice to me would be. Keep my mouth shut and if/when i conceive be gental about breaking the news? Or buy a book and give it as a small gift with a note or something saying i want to be an aunt or something and hope this wil help....? I dont know, its so hard because they live 5 mins away from the and we see them every day and i hate the feeling like i want to wait to TTC till they get pg, but at the same time, hubby and i have a "family" plan that we feel is good for us and our family. I know its not a race, but i dont know what to do. Like i said i have never been in her (or your) position so idont know what i should do. So thanks for any advise oyu can give.

I would appreciate the help,honestly. Maybe tell her about the online ovulation calander?

I would give her a book or some tips about an online place or even send her this way to BG!!

My hubby and I had a tought time conceiving our first child. I swear by ovulation tests strips. They seem to be the most accurate way for me to determine when I was ovulating. Send her to www.early-pregnancy-tests.com and let her know you are there for her if she needs to talk. Good Luck to you both !!

If you're close to her, I'd talk with her and let her know that there are resources out there that can help her (like fertility friend or whatever). Let her know that if her cycles are "normal" (generally around the same time each month) that charting can be really easy and a good way to know whether or not they're BDing at the right time. It's kindaa tough situation to be in...

Buy the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Its an excellent book and gives you sooo much information. If you don't feel right giving it to her,get it foryourself and read it then tell her its so good and she should read it. If they know you want to TTC in a few months it would make sense that you want to educate yourself.

THanks so much ladies!! I truly appreciate it. Its so hard to be in this position because i know HOW bad she wants it. She knows about BG and other online sites she turned to whe she had her loss, but i dont think she has been back. i told her about the TTC here. I think part of me feels like she is scared to actually get pg again because of what she went through. she knows im here for her, i have told her many times and we have talked about some things a few times, but never really like a full convo about try this or get this or read this. I feel like im telling her shes not doing it right, and kind of i am, i dont know her body so i dont know everything but just knd of from probing and asking ive found a few things out. So maybe ill go to the book store and get a book and wrap it and write her a letter telling her what it is and if/when she wants to check it out and whatever that it wil b there for her and that i will too. I know she wants to be a mom and i know Tony wants a cousin and i want to be an auntie, so i want to help/be there anyway i can. I just dont want her to feel like im sticking my nose where it shouldnt be.

She wants to succeed, you want her to succeed. The more knowledge the better when TTC. Alot of ppl just don't know exactly how the body works or when. If she knows you will be trying for another soon, show her whatever steps you take. The idea of being pregnant (and trying) together sounds nice if ya'll are that close. OK... not trying together, but at the same time.. you know what I mean.

Quoting MamaDaisy:“ She wants to succeed, you want her to succeed. The more knowledge the better when TTC. Alot of ppl just ... [snip!] ... trying) together sounds nice if ya'll are that close. OK... not trying together, but at the same time.. you know what I mean.”

LOL yeah i know what you mean. I mean i have a baby already, and 100% honestly we are going into TTC blindly, I dont know ANYTHING about my own body. that sounds stupid but its so true. We got pg kind of by accident. we werent preventing but we werent "trying" we were ready for it and said when its our time it will happen. So this time im actually planning it well trying to.... so yeah ill try that maybe get 2 copies of the book and we can both read it and give each other pointers....

We are close, but we have just gotten close since they moved here to TX in may, i mean her hubby and mine are brothers we all worked together 6 years ago and i hooked them us they have been together 1 month less than hubby and i so we all had that connection, but we werent really "friends" until they moved here, we are all eachother has aside from hubbys so we have really had the chance to bond more and build a relationship, but il share anything with her and so far she has shared alot with me, so i feel like we are open with each other.

A few weeks before I concieved, my twin brother and his wife suffered a devestating 2nd MC.. Turns out wife has a blood disorder that is attacking fetus each time. She was so devestated and brother, too. They've been together 7 or 8 years, and are going to make the most perfect parents when it happens. Then, I found out I was preggy with my third child. I felt bad, and kinda scared to tell him, because I know how much they grieve over their losses.
We were TTC for a few months, and I was counting my ovulation correctly, doing everything just as I was supposed to. I would wait and wait, then buy the tests with anticipation, and only be dissapointed when they came up negative with AF a couple of days after. So, instead of TTC, I changed my resolution to NTNTC (not trying not to conceive). I didnt count my ovulation, tried not to even think about it, and don't you know, at the end of that month, AF didn't come, and I was like, humph, wonder where she is. Then, I tested, and up pops a little pink line! The first month!. The same thing happened with my second. We were trying and counting ovulation for months, then, I started not trying not to, and the first night I started my first round of BC pills, we concieved my son. And I knew it that night!

There's nothing like NOT trying to surprise you. I think the stress of trying so hard taxes those little buggers into not working right, when if left up to chance, I think it works better. Just my opinion, though.

Quoting Sabrina Halverson:“ A few weeks before I concieved, my twin brother and his wife suffered a devestating 2nd MC.. Turns out ... [snip!] ... taxes those little buggers into not working right, when if left up to chance, I think it works better. Just my opinion, though.”

I agree with you there, to a point. But i think for some people that have been ttc for a LONG time.... i mean really they areat a year now.... its hard NOT to think about it even when you try not to. They thought moving here was gonna help the stress because in AZ my FIL was living with them and joe was in his last semester of college and they were getting ready to move here. so they figured once they got here and settled they wouldnt be stressing and they havent been, but still nothing and its been almost 3 months. I just want to help her any way i can....

Quoting Briea:“ I agree with you there, to a point. But i think for some people that have been ttc for a LONG time.... ... [snip!] ... be stressing and they havent been, but still nothing and its been almost 3 months. I just want to help her any way i can....”

Well, when she is trying that hard, you cann almost bet that she is going to be all the more sensitive to "advice" and most likely reject any attempts because of her own feeling of failure. She is most likely gonna feel incapable, and may get offended at direct attempts for you to tell her she's "doing it wrong" (not that you are, but she could percieve it that way. It may very well take you and your husband being successful at conception, and then in a casual conversation, you telling her "well, this is what I did..." for her to be open to ideas for success.

I think it is good that you will be trying too, the two of you can talk about being "TTC buddies" and sharing secrets, pointers, or even info that your doc gave you. It may take her thinking that she's teaching you something, and in conversation she could learn from you and not realize. Maybe some reverse psychology. Good luck with it, though, It is never easy to try and tell another woman that you think she could be doing something better than she is, or differently in order to be successful. Especially when it comes to kids. We like to think these things are innate, so tread lightly...