Let go of the past?

Really long post.. don't expect you to read it.. just needed to let it out. I have a lot of trouble letting go of the past. My boyfriend Jason and I have been together off and on for close to2.5years. We used to get in a lot of arguements, I broke up with him a lot because I didn't think I was ready to be in a serious relationships,he's alsodone a lot of fucked up shit, seeing other girls behind my back when we weren't exactly ''together'' but still kinda together, (I don'tfeel like you need the boyfriend/girlfriend titleif you're with eachother all the time and have a sexual relationship, so to me we were together, but to him we weren't ''dating'' so it was cool to see other people, even though he would have gone fucking psycho if i would've even thought of seeing someone else)Either way,we've always kept coming back to eachother.We've been together now without breaking up for a year and a half and everything is great, but I somehow can't seem to let go of the past. In the first 8 monthsish of our relationship we were together 24/7 and out of nowhere he decided he wanted to break up because there was "someone from his past" and he "was trying to do what he felt was right", and because I loved him so much and just wanted to be happy, I let him be with this other girl and didn't go completely psycho. (Okay, well, maybe a tiny bit, but shhhh.) Anyways, they were together for like two months and he finally broke up with her because he realised that people change and that she had turned into one of our city's finest sluts and that he wasn't trying to be with a fucking skank. Then he started calling me and asking for me back. Meanwhile, I had started seeing my ex once in a while (we weren't back together nor were we hooking up, but I've always had a strong bond with this guy and he was pretty much the only person that could really make me forget Jason-- well, not forget, but just not be as miserable without him). Anyways, after Jason and I talked things out, I decided to forgive him and take him back. This was like over a year and a half ago, and I am still really bitter about it. It hurts me any time he brings up one of my exes, even though he never brings them up with the intention to hurt me, he's just curious, just like any other couple is about theirpartners past (I think? Maybe it's just us...)But it hurts me when I've been nothing but faithful to him. I wasn't the one who saw other guys when we weren't ''official'' and I wasn't the one who out of the blue decided I wanted to be with my ex because I thought he was better than him and ended up being a whorebag. No, that was definitely all him. He's been nothing but amazing for the year that we have been together without bullshit. No drama, barely any fights, no cheating, he is entirely devoted, we live together, he takes great care of me, we are expecting a beautiful baby in januaryand we are engaged. I shouldn't have anything to worry about and I shouldn't be so bitter about the past. He's let go of my past and takes full responsibility for what he's done. He's appologised a million times and I know that things are the way they're supposed to be. He's great. I just can't seem to let go of what he's done and I've kept this grudge for pretty much the entire year and a half that we've been together without any problems, and I don't know what to do. Just the other night we got in this terrible arguement because one of my really good guy friends messaged me on facebook saying he missed me and hoped i was doing good (we haven't spoken in a very long time) and Jason thought he was an ex or someone I had a thing with or whatever, and I just wanted to yell at him for all the shit he's done.. Ugh :-( Sorry about the rant.. just had to let it out.

Let go of the past and enjoy the present and future together
people change

Have you considered trying couple's therapy so a neutral third party can help you work through it?

C.

If you want a happy family, you gotta let it go. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things to do in life. But it's so necessary if you want to have a great future. He made mistakes, and it appears he has paid for them. Forgive him and enjoy your life together.

Quoting Ash +1 *GIG*:“ If you want a happy family, you gotta let it go. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things ... [snip!] ... want to have a great future. He made mistakes, and it appears he has paid for them. Forgive him and enjoy your life together.”

It's hard. Anytime he gets suspicious or jealous about anything I just want to start bitching. I feel like after what we've already been through, he has no right to accuse me of anything. But I guess I just need to get over it.

Quoting lilmama_c:“ It's hard. Anytime he gets suspicious or jealous about anything I just want to start bitching. I feel ... [snip!] ... like after what we've already been through, he has no right to accuse me of anything. But I guess I just need to get over it.”

You cannot keep bringing it up, because you will hurt him. And then it becomes a neverending cycle of hurt and accusations and rubbing the past in eachother's faces. I have been there before. And honestly I have lost relationships because I would not let go of it. It's taken me years to learn that lesson. From the time I was about 14 until 21 or 22.

Quoting Ash +1 *GIG*:“ You cannot keep bringing it up, because you will hurt him. And then it becomes a neverending cycle of ... [snip!] ... because I would not let go of it. It's taken me years to learn that lesson. From the time I was about 14 until 21 or 22.”

He does get really hurt when I bring it up. But it's also hard to know that after promising myself that I was better than that and after having hit solid rock bottom and being convinced that we would never be together again, I just took him back without second guessing myself, I'm in a way disappointed in myself because I did just get back with him and 'forgave' him right off the bat, but I'm so incredibly happy because i've never felt as complete now that things are great and that we are expecting a baby. It's rough. I love him, but i've always been one to hold grudges.. :[

if you've been together a year (at least a year right?) with no problems, drama, or fighting, etc., i would really do my best to just let it go. especially if you guys are happy together... sometimes it's just best to forgive and forget.

Quoting LexZeppelin89:“ if you've been together a year (at least a year right?) with no problems, drama, or fighting, etc., i ... [snip!] ... do my best to just let it go. especially if you guys are happy together... sometimes it's just best to forgive and forget.”

yeah it's been a year and a half since we decided to get back together and it's been great since then, im just really bad at forgiving and forgetting.. but i guess it's something i have to work on. no relationship is perfect..

Quoting lilmama_c:“ yeah it's been a year and a half since we decided to get back together and it's been great since then, ... [snip!] ... im just really bad at forgiving and forgetting.. but i guess it's something i have to work on. no relationship is perfect..”

i know what you mean. well, whenever something is REALLY bothering me, i just talk to my bf and it always helps out a lot. idk if you're that type of person. i used to be really jealous and HATE talking about his past/exes, but since i've brought it up a lot now, it doesn't even bother me anymore.

Quoting LexZeppelin89:“ i know what you mean. well, whenever something is REALLY bothering me, i just talk to my bf and it always ... [snip!] ... really jealous and HATE talking about his past/exes, but since i've brought it up a lot now, it doesn't even bother me anymore.”

yeah, i'm really fucking jealous. thanks for the advice   btw- beautiful belly!

Quoting lilmama_c:“ He does get really hurt when I bring it up. But it's also hard to know that after promising myself ... [snip!] ... that things are great and that we are expecting a baby. It's rough. I love him, but i've always been one to hold grudges.. :[”

Sounds to me like what you need to do now is forgive YOURSELF. You had a reason for taking him back. Don't beat yourself up girl. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy. Don't punish yourself for something that ended up being a good choice.

Quoting Ash +1 *GIG*:“ Sounds to me like what you need to do now is forgive YOURSELF. You had a reason for taking him back. ... [snip!] ... girl. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy. Don't punish yourself for something that ended up being a good choice.”

thank you  
i think part of the reason i hold this grudge is because im so paranoid that he will leave me again, even though part of me knows that he wont. i was just so used to our relationship being messed up that now that it's so good i just feel like it's going to go wrong.

Quoting lilmama_c:“ thank you   i think part of the reason i hold this grudge is because im so paranoid that he will leave ... [snip!] ... i was just so used to our relationship being messed up that now that it's so good i just feel like it's going to go wrong.”

The story of my life... As Nickelback says, "Somethings gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feelin' way too damn good." It's a hard mindset to get out of, but I am finally conquering it. I have been with my husband 6 months now and it's only getting better. Don't let yourself get too negative.

Quoting Ash +1 *GIG*:“ The story of my life... As Nickelback says, "Somethings gotta go wrong 'cause I'm feelin' way too damn ... [snip!] ... conquering it. I have been with my husband 6 months now and it's only getting better. Don't let yourself get too negative.”

thank you! i will do my best to not let my paranoia and jealousy issues ruin our happiness   good luck to you, hubby, and baby