Alcoholism.

I found out today that my mother is an alcoholic.

I went to visit for a few days and while she was out running errands, my sister showed me my mother's secret stash of liquor. Vodka, rum, whiskey. Bottles. All of them were opened. I thought to myself, 'Well, maybe she's saving them for a special occasion.' - I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Today before I left, I went in her closet again and the bottles that were almost completely full were now almost completely empty. In two days she consumed more alcohol than most consume in months.

My mother is not a drunk. She doesn't sloppily walk around the house slurring her speech, she doesn't get mean or loud. She never smells like booze. Aside from the occasional beer she drinks infront of people, you'd never think she drank, period. But the proof is in her closet. The proof is the bottles of liquor that disappear in a matter of days. It just doesn't seem like something my mom would do. It doesn't seem like my mom.

I am very upset and bothered with what I've discovered. I don't know whether to bring it up to her or not. People who have an addiction get very defensive when confronted with their problem. I know that if I tried to talk to her about this odds are she would deny it, get super pissed, and tell me to leave. Or she would find another hiding spot for her stash and tell me she's all better. I think my mother needs help. If she's drinking that much within two days, then I know she needs help. How can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

I don't want to watch my mother die. I don't want to live with the guilt that I knew what she was doing but decided to say/do nothing about it. I don't want to keep my baby from seeing her grandma because of her inability to put down the bottle. I love her but unfortunately in this case, I don't think my love is enough to save her.

I'm sorry you had to discover that. You should talk to her, and ask her if she wants help...
I work in an intensive care unit and we have a lot of people who go through detox, and it is very sad. I would hate to see any of my family members go through that sort of thing. Just talk to her and support her recovery, don't harass.
Good luck, and if you ever need to talk you could PM me!

I am so sorry that you found that out about your mom! I can't imagine what you are feeling and going through right now! I hope that she gets the help that she needs!

Honey, I'm so sorry. It has to be hard to stumble across such a huge relevation. My first reaction is to say that you should tell her you love her, you're worried and that if she needs help, you'll do what you can. She has to be able to admit she has a problem and need help, though. If she's not ready to do that, then you'll have to deal with either her denial or the aftermath of her being offended.

technically, alcoholism is something that effects your ability to live and live well, it hurts your family, your work, and so on. it doesn't sound like your mom is that impaired in her day-to-day life by alcohol.

i'm not saying one way or another whether your mom is an alcoholic... but i would be very careful about approaching her on the topic w/ the assumption that she is one.

if it were me, i'd just ask where it all went. treat it as if it's a mystery b/c there may be a decent explanation.

or she may be hiding her misery from everyone and your question will be what she needs to open up.

but i cannot stress enough how important it is that you don't approach her w/ the assumption that you know what's going on-- you need to be open and loving and that's it.

good luck.

Quoting Mara:“ technically, alcoholism is something that effects your ability to live and live well, it hurts your family, ... [snip!] ... don't approach her w/ the assumption that you know what's going on-- you need to be open and loving and that's it. good luck.”

You're very right.

The tough part is figuring out how to approach this.I would never say, "OMG mom, you're an alcoholic?" because you're right - it doesn't seem to be affecting her day-to-day life and she would never respond positively to that.

I hope/wish there is a good explanation... or I hope she just opens up to me.

So sorry that you're going through that, specially with your mom. I wish I could give you some advice but I couldnt cause I'm going throught the same thing, but with my husband. He doesnt hide it, not from me anyways, but everyone else he does. He drinks every single day, and he doesnt get drunk to where he's falling, but he get means and unreasnable. I thought that after we got pregnant he would change as he said he would but he hasnt, he says that after the baby. When he's not drinking and I talk to him about it, he realizes he's doing wrong, but then drinks that same afternoon, and when I talk to him and he's drinking he gets mad and starts yelling. You should try talking to your mom when you know she hasnt been drinking they are more reasonable and understanding.  

Quoting Mari_santy:“ So sorry that you're going through that, specially with your mom. I wish I could give you some advice ... [snip!] ... You should try talking to your mom when you know she hasnt been drinking they are more reasonable and understanding.  ”

I'm sorry. It's so hard. I never know when my mom's been drinking. She goes to bed early, so I assume that's when she does it.

I hope things get better for you.