coping with not having the father at birth

So i know alot of you ladies are wives and gf's of men in the service who are deployed, or mabey even some of you have lost your babies fathers in accidents or any situation. Well My bf was just arrested and has a pretty rocky background, things arent looking good about a bond and i think he could go away for a long time. My question to all you ladies, is HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH HIM NOT BEING THERE THROUGH IT ALL? hes all i had, and he was changing his life around for this baby and he was completely ready to be a father..i just need some advice.

thats it im ganna lock up my man from anyway he can get in trouble lol..... i dont want to have to go through him not being there!!! i feel for you right now.... its hard and i was going to loose him to the army untill we found out i was prego and now hes going after the baby is a little older... he needs to be there for the first years... he didnt want to come home and the baby not know who he is....

Sounds like it's gonna be hard. Honestly I didn't have that problem. All I can say is try your best, and if he is really turning around for you, depending on what he did, maybe it will be shorter than expected. I wish you the best. Maybe you can find a family member for stand in support during labor? Maybe he can be on the phone when you go? Maybe even if, again, what he did isnt bad, they will allow him to be escorted to the birth when it is time and shuttled right back?

Quoting 17mommy2be!6weeks left!:“ thats it im ganna lock up my man from anyway he can get in trouble lol..... i dont want to have to go ... [snip!] ... is a little older... he needs to be there for the first years... he didnt want to come home and the baby not know who he is....”

i know, i want Lyric to know his father, not behind a glass wall but to know him.

I don't know what to tell you, cause mine has been with me, but I just want to commend you because I think you are a tough girl, the thought of just being pregnant and alone is too much for me to bear, so I want to let you know that you are a strong girl , and if you can make it through a pregnancy and at any point be alone then you will be ok! I think it would be very frightening and lonely going into labor alone, but just remember once you do,and after you have the baby you won't be alone anymore, and you'll always have a little piece of your SO with you....good luck, I wish you all the best!

My Bd got arreested the day I had my baby shower, he got out 2 days later but we still faced this fear becuase he was on probation. Anyways I feel you and I know what you are going through becuase my BD and thankfully EX had many issues with this, he get's in trouble all the time and if he gets arrested one more time he wil do time.

It will hard but you just have to enjoy the moment because its a one time experience and you will never see your child being born again. You can record it like that he can see it when he comes out. Have a someone close to you support you if that is possible.

Quoting Dee*Natalie&GavinsMami*[H:“ I don't know what to tell you, cause mine has been with me, but I just want to commend you because I ... [snip!] ... you won't be alone anymore, and you'll always have a little piece of your SO with you....good luck, I wish you all the best!”

that really means alot, thank you. i like to think im strong but i think ive been all stronged out. for the first 3 months we were rocky, then we started beack together i thought fresh, but he wasnt ready to be a dad, and he caught a agg asslt charge. so he was in jail for 2 months, and in those 2 months i learned that i can do this by myself if he doesnt straiten up, so after 2 months we got him out and everything has been great hes madea complete changeand here i am 9 months pregnant and he gets arrested for a bs warrent for something that happend years ago. and it looks like this time they arent giving him any more chances to be bonded out, and now i dont think i can do it alone, because noone can work and pay the bills while im on maternity leave, and even when im ready to come back who will watch my baby. on top of everything i wanted him to be there at least to see Lyric born, and get me thru the maternity leave at least then go take care of sitting out what time he needed to start his life fresh, but no. it had to happen 2 weeks b4 my babys due.

Quoting lyrics momma [HMC]:“ So i know alot of you ladies are wives and gf's of men in the service who are deployed, or mabey even ... [snip!] ... i had, and he was changing his life around for this baby and he was completely ready to be a father..i just need some advice.”

Just pray and stay focused on your little one.
I know this doesn't ALWAYS help but come "jugdement day" (sentencing day if they decide to sentence him) speak to the judge and ask for leniency(sp) telling him about his child on the way or newborn and how other good things. Its worth a try...
I know you hear ppl doing that a lot and the DA or judge not caring but it works sometimes

Quoting MyAug16th'sJoy:“ Just pray and stay focused on your little one. I know this doesn't ALWAYS help but come "jugdement ... [snip!] ... good things. Its worth a try... I know you hear ppl doing that a lot and the DA or judge not caring but it works sometimes”

do u have experience with this?? i didnt know that i could be present during a trial like that. my problem though is it could take months for them to set a trial, and ive got weeks if that, i mean i will lose my house and possibly my car if he doesnt get out soon, and i will have to move in with someone and completely start life over and by the time trial comes around the hardest part will be over, im trying to avoid losing my house and car and getting completely bad credit for all the repos i see in my near future.

Quoting lyrics momma [HMC]:“ that really means alot, thank you. i like to think im strong but i think ive been all stronged out. for ... [snip!] ... then go take care of sitting out what time he needed to start his life fresh, but no. it had to happen 2 weeks b4 my babys due.”

Wow, well if anything I think this will show him when he does get out,how stupid little things can really mess up some of the greatest moments in your life, I think when he realizes what he's missed out on, he will really be sorry, but you are a strong person, I mean your typing on the computer, and still giving it your all for your baby, I'd probably be in the hospital for losing my mind,. I sometimes wish I was as strong as you ladies that can go it alone but I'm not, and I don't know if I ever could be and it worries me, because without my husband I sometimes wonder if I could be a mother, I would have to say for you the hard part is almost over, but if you can record the birth so he can see it later, and keep your head up, your beautiful, young, and strong and I think for you....things will work out!

If anyone can do it it would be you... I've known you for about 4 years now and through everything you have kept your faith in and with God. Your never alone when you have Christ but I know it doesn't physically feel like it. I know this is more than hurtful and hard for you just as it would be with anyone but everything does happen for a reason its all part of the plan for baby Lyric's and your own life. We dont know what the future hold so why trust humanly words/actions only God knows so trust Him to know that He is doing whats best for yall. Hebrews 13:5 :] I will always be here for you Julie and whatever you need you know you can just ask me (even though it isn't in your nature AT ALL) I am proud of the woman you are and I'm proud to be able to call you one of my best friends you have impacted not only me but many others in ways you may never really know. Thank you!!!

Quoting lyrics momma [HMC]:“ do u have experience with this?? i didnt know that i could be present during a trial like that. my problem ... [snip!] ... over, im trying to avoid losing my house and car and getting completely bad credit for all the repos i see in my near future.”

I do. They sent mine away just in the start of July  and his mother spoke to the judge and i was sitting front row the judge saw all of this and took it into consideration. It helped out A LOT, he was facing big time. But with you situation if your worried about all of that I would say contact his PD or the lawyer as soon as you all get one and try to see the earliest he can get into court for an arraignment to ask for a bond since his first one was denied or he didn't receive one the first court atappearence(I believe that's what you said not sure) he'llmost likelyget one this time around. <-- not sure on the crime so I don't know.
He doesn't have any money put away or things to sell that can help you out since he might be away for a min?
Good Luck!

Quoting Dee*Natalie&GavinsMami*[H:“ Wow, well if anything I think this will show him when he does get out,how stupid little things can really ... [snip!] ... so he can see it later, and keep your head up, your beautiful, young, and strong and I think for you....things will work out!”

i think thats a great idea about recording the birth, i raelly thought that was weird at first when he was gunna for sure be in the room, cuz i was like who else is gunna wanna see this ,and honestly i dont want anyone else looking at my naynay lol but just for him privately to see i think would be totally cool. i know it may seem winey because in going up to dallas county jail for 2 months to visit him i saw tons of pregos going up to see their men who were in there alot longer than mine, and they get thru it, but i guess i just didnt wanna be the stereotype. My bf has had a BAD past, and hes not perfect, but he loves his baby more than anything, and hes truely turned around and it just sucks that its all happening now.

thank you girls for your words please keep me in your prayers, i know im not alone with god by my side and i know that he will provide!!

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Quoting lyrics momma [HMC]:“ So i know alot of you ladies are wives and gf's of men in the service who are deployed, or mabey even ... [snip!] ... i had, and he was changing his life around for this baby and he was completely ready to be a father..i just need some advice.”

my fiancee was sentanced to 5 months in prison when i was 12 weeks pregnant. he just got home last friday and i thank god our baby didnt come, we were very lucky. but i can tell you not having him for those 5 months of the pregnancy was truly the hardest thing i've ever done. we'ld never been apart for more than a day and he was a 2 and a half hour drive away so i only got to visit him twice. just believe that your love will last through it all. what helped me the most when i got so angry at him or whatever because i was doing it alone, i just tried to remember how many people there are out there who can't get pregnant and won't be able to experience it period and to be grateful that i have a beautiful life growing inside me. and then i didn't feel so alone anymore. i'm sorry about what you're going through- and as annoying as i know it is to hear- it will make you SO strong for your child and you're going to develop an intense bond with it just being the two of you. i wish you all the best. PM me if u need anything at all-

Yeah I'm thinking of recording mine also but as time gets closer I'm thinking of backing out cause I don't want anyone just looking at my business since the tape won't be in my possessions lol . But I'llbe taking lots of pics.
I also see a lot of females preg and going to see their dude I feel awful for putting my child through this (having a father locked up) but I just pray God keeps us as a family and thanking Him for still allowing her father to be in her life and not dead on the streets for the crime he did things could've turned out MUCH worse. Just keep faith andyou guys stay supporting each other through this hard time. Hopefully our guys finally learned their lessons this time. I know mine has everytime he seesthe U/S or her clothes or pics of my tummy .