not strong enough.

When I walked out of the doctor's office after my D&C I felt fine-today though I felt my belly and the familiar hardness wasn't there. Its soft again, and empty, I miss waking up and throwing up and spontanious crying outbursts [which I still do..but for different reasons] I miss watching my belly getting rounder. I miss everythign about being pregnant-and dreaming about being a mommy.
Im struggling, really bad-I've been hiding it for everyone else's sake-I dont want to be a burden with all my emotions. I have had a huge problem with depression in the past, cutting, drugs-you name it. I cut myself today, I thought it would make me feel better, it helped for a second because I didnt' feel as numb...but it wasn't worth it. Im scared this is pushing me over the edge again-because after I got pregnant, after 12 years of cutting, burning, scaring, scraping and beating myself-I stopped cold turkey. I tried meds, shocks, everything possible to get myself to not do it-and the baby was the one thing that made me realize I had someone else to live for. Now Im just so lost.

Its better to talk with someone how your feeling then keeping it to yourself. Im very sorry that this happened to you and I hope that you start to feel better soon!

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart just aches when I hear others who have lost their babies. I can tell you that it was terribly difficult for me when I had my miscarriage. I do not think it is possible to realize the pain involved until it happens. It was very difficult to find anyone to talk to, I too tried to be strong for others. Many of my friends were having babies and had never experienced a child loss. I know you do not know me, but if you ever want to talk, it does not matter I would love to listen. I think the pain is always there, but it eases a bit with time. Do not hold it back, let it out. Find someone to share your saddness with. That baby was real and living, even though it did not make it into this world. I have never had any experience with cutting myself, but I do not think that is a healthy way to cope with your loss. There are a lot of support groups, especially online. It does not make it better, but many women share the same saddness as you are going through. I believe in God, and did so even before our loss. It stills makes me sad to think I will never hold my baby here on earth, but I know I will see them in heaven. I will be praying for you.