Fuck You! (long rant)

Sorry for the title, I am just so mad right now. I have been split/divorced from my ex for almost 3 years now. We have a 5 year old daughter together, whom is such a beautiful blessing. My ex and I have been battling for the last 6 months over his drama-rama with his girlfriend. He met her at a bar while we were still married and got her pregnant blah blah blah. Fast forward to recent times, and I have noticed a pattern. They don't let my daughter go to any doctor visits for the baby, or shopping for the baby, nothing at all. I told him it was important for Maddy that she get accustomed to this new life because it will be difficult on her. She idolized our marriage and I am working hard to get here adjusted to our new life. Last month when we needed a sitter the gf wouldn't watch Maddy because she was "pissed off at my ex". WTF? So you take it out on the 5 year old you are supposed to be building a relationship with? So today I asked him if Maddy wanted to go with my family for my birthday dinner. It was kind of a last minute suprise so I wasn't planning on it. She said no because she only gets to see here daddy 2 times a week and she wanted to stay. So, we decided after dinner was over we would meet so she could come home. He called me an hour ago and told me he had to bring her home right now because his gf has a doctors appointment at 7:45. Errr ok? Who has appointments at that time but whatever. He said he doesnt want to take the new baby out so he has to bring Maddy home. Ummm so why again can't you watch both of your children at once? I asked him this and he said I am a fucking bitch, and I make a big deal out of everything because I am jealous of his gf. Ok? I am sorry he feels that way, but my main interest is my daughter's well being. He promised her she could stay and then went back on it. She is going through a rough time since his baby was born and breaking promises is only going to make it worse. He told me I had to tell her to get over it because the 5 year old can't make the rules. I know she can't make the rules but she feels helpless and left out right now. Why not let her have control over something right now? I am the one that has to deal with her being sad and lonely. He doesnt see how this affects her because he isn't around. I shouldn't be at home crying on my fucking birthday. My pride gets hurt because eveytime I try and talk about my daughter he calls me a bitch and says I am jealous of his gf. I don't know how to deal with this anymore.  

KellyJo...
Don't let him get to you...he is losing out big time here, not you and certainly not your daughter.
Not to grab your post, but to share...my ex used to do the same thing, i was selfish, i was jealous(of his first ex and his GF after me)....and his daughter wold never have seen him if i hadnt picked her up and brought her to us on weekends...she is now 21 and has nothing to do with him, he makes excuses and blames the first wife but I know she hates him for his manipulations and such.

Happy birthday...pick your little one up and include her if you can....and hug her tight and let her know you're there for her.

Thats horrible...He should be happy to spend time with both of them....nobody wants to feel left out...i understand they just had a baby but that shouldnt effect his relationship with his daughter like that...im sorry and i wish u the best of luck...guys suck!~ 

Quoting Butterflykisses4all:“ KellyJo... Don't let him get to you...he is losing out big time here, not you and certainly not your ... [snip!] ... Happy birthday...pick your little one up and include her if you can....and hug her tight and let her know you're there for her.”

I understand what you mean. Its good to know years later your daughter was mature enough to know whats up. I guess the jealousy card is pulled when he is vulnerable and feeling guilty.

completely!
Nothing can excuse what he did to you or your daughter so transference is the best solution....

My dad always says...your best offense is defense and men stick tot hat rule, less they have to face up!

We're having a bit of the same problem, but a bit different with my husband's daughter and ex.

I met my husband and fell completely in love, not knowing that his ex was pregnant with his baby. Well..to be fair..he didn't know it either. She said it was someone elses..that she had been cheating on him. So the baby was born last July..and in August he gets a call that changes our lives. She tells him it IS his (cause it looks like him, and not the other guy), and that he has to take his responsibility. It really sucked for me cause we had only been together 5 months at the time, and I thought he was definitely going to leave me for her..and we had to accept this surprise news and deal with it along with dealing with a new relationship.

Zip forward to this October..we just got married. His ex wouldn't allow his daughter to come to the wedding. She only lets us see his daughter when she wants to pawn her off on him. Sometimes when she drops off her daughter she won't call about when they are coming to get her..and will end up calling at 11 at night and ask if we can keep her..with none of her clothes..or food..so we have to go buy some. The other day his ex showed up on our doorstep (luckily he didn't have to work..cause I'm spending some time at my mom's) and dropped her off and said she'd be back later. My husband called her all night until 11:30 and she said "Why can't you keep her? I thought you'd know by now that it's too late to come get her". A week later it was her birthday, and neither of us got invited to her birthday party. It hurt us so bad.

I know how frustrating it is..and how much it hurts him. She has two other children (just had her third..who is 11 months a 2 weeks younger than my husband's daughter). And can't take care of any of them. She just got married to her boyfriend of 4 months because he's military and she wanted his health insurance (and has made no secret of that fact).

You can't change the ex..unfortunately..you just have to learn to live within their boundaries..we are expecting our little peanut in september..and once we save enough money we're doing the custody thing..but now we just have to play nice. It sucks..but what can you do?

sorry for the long post..but I've had that on my mind for a while..and I want you to know that I sympathize..

i feel so terrible for your daughter, but she's going to remeber those feelings, and she's going to remember when she's older the one who took care of her when she needed it most..you have every right to be PISSED but don't let it ruin YOUR day - he owes your daughter alot more than going back on his word.. I hope he can grow up sometime soon and realize that it has nothing to do with jealousy, it has to do with him being a good father for his daughter!!

Oh god we are soul sisters...
My daughters father is now with a new girl as well... He feels that when I call him to see her (I have to remind him if he ever sees her, if it werent for me they probably would NEVER see each other) that Im expressing some kind of jelousy toward her.. Im like HELLO, IM FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT BY SOMEONE ELSE!!!! But he hears what he wants to and feels how he wants to feel, and unfortunatley, his new girlfriend is EXTREMELY jelouse that we have a child together and dosent want her to really be a part of his life.. and thats why he has seen her once in the passed 6 months. F*kcing loser. I hate him for what he does to my girl, she dosent even WANT to see him anymore and that is not my doing, but his. I empathize for your daughter, I sort of went through the same thing when my dad remarried, I felt really left out, and Im sure thats how she feels..
Poor girl. Just let her know how important she is in YOUR family, and that she is going to be a GREAT big sister. She needs the encouragement and reassurance. She will grow from this, and in the end, your ex will lose trust from your daughter and as sad as that may be, nothing you can possibly do can change that, only he can. Im sure he loves her and cares for her but is trying to find a balance with her and the new family he created. Unfortunatley she is getting left behind a ways, and can feel it. Children are amazing and pick up on every message you send to them.

Quoting Kelli Jo *RUFF*:“ Sorry for the title, I am just so mad right now. I have been split/divorced from my ex for almost 3 years ... [snip!] ... and talk about my daughter he calls me a bitch and says I am jealous of his gf. I don't know how to deal with this anymore.  ”

wow.. wtf he must be really pissed that he cheated on you if he feels the need to accuse you or jealousy really it sounds hes jealous she isnt like you!.. but he needs to grow the fuck up and take car of both his kids! she is going to recent(sp) him when she realizes his lies and that he shows more love to his "new" family! my fiance mom did this to them growing up she made her 2nd husband and his child and there ew child more important in his life than theyre first born my father did too!.. does he still live out here ill drive and beat his ass! lol and show him "jealous girlfriend" haha

You know, thats total bullshit.
She shouldnt have to feel like this, but at least she is seeing her father show his true colors without any explanation from you.

It's sad, but necessary, that way she wont resent you or think thatyou're filling her head with nonsense like I did as a kid, I had to see my dad for who he truly wasbefore I could know my mom wasn't just shooting out piss and vinegar for no reason.

It's really unfortunate this is happening but it seems like nothing you do or say is going to changewhere hestands...

Just give her extra love and attention is all you can do... =/