A question for those of you who have been TTC for years

Do you get really jealous when people around you get pregnant and have children? I'm asking because eventually I have to tell my sister-in-law that I'm pregnant. She has been TTC for nearly 15 years and has yet to have a pregnancy last longer than 10 weeks. I'm not sure why - but if there was a fix I'm sure she would have done it. I want to get opinions from someone else going through what she is so I don't accidently say something awful that will upset her, especially since I'm having a birth control baby. I'm afraid she will get upset because I didn't "want" a kid and get one, and she "wants" one and doesn't. From your side of the fertility fence, what would be a good way for someone to break the news to you that they were pregnant, in a way that wasn't "haha in your face" without meaning to be? I don't want to come across insensative to her, but I also don't want to hide it or beat around the bush when I see her at family events.

I used to...but then its not their fault that their pregnant and i wasnt...to me i'd be hurt if you were too sensitive about it too. i'd just tell her straight up. "say i respect you and didnt want you to hear it from anyone else, but we're expecting" good luck i hope that helps

there is no good way to have that conversation, its going to be rough, but it needs to be done and now, it would be way worse for her to hear it from someone else. Yes it is hard sometimes for friends or family to get pregnant and have babies when youve been trying and can't. it feels like a failure a lot of times, at least for me it did, but i know that no one was ever trying to make me feel bad and i was genuinely happy for them to be having their babies. Everyone is differnet on how they handle that type of news, but it would be better to tell her now and let the cat out of the bag. Good luck! keep us updated!

I would be so pissed if my sister-in-law got pregnant right now (no offense). It is a hard thing to deal with, not being able to have children while everyone around you is. I think how you handle the situation depends on how close you are to her. Is she your fiance's sister, or your brother's wife. If she's your brother's wife, I would tell your brother and have him tell her. If she's your fiance's sister, then I would have your fiance or his mother tell her. The only reason I say to have someone else tell her, is because she may not be ready to congratulate you being hit with a bomb like that. Her initial reaction may not be good, and she may be more at ease if she didn't have to put up a front and act like she's happy for you. It might be easier for her to deal with it and gather herself together, then congratulate you the next time she sees you or talks to you on the phone. If I were you, the only reason I would tell her myself, was if I truly thought she'd be upset that I didn't tell her personally. If my sister-in-law (my husband's sister) was pregnant, I would want him to tell me, and if not him, then his mom. I would feel much more comfortable cursing and crying to them, then having to pretend that I was happy for her all the the while cursing and crying on the inside. That's just me though, she may truly be happy for you. There is only one way to find out. I hope I helped.

Heather

Quoting HRKittredge:“ I would be so pissed if my sister-in-law got pregnant right now (no offense). It is a hard thing to deal ... [snip!] ... the inside. That's just me though, she may truly be happy for you. There is only one way to find out. I hope I helped. Heather”

i can say i've been on the other end of it....2 weeks after my m/c my SIL announced that she is pregnant and is due the same week i'm supposed to be. it does suck i'm not gonna lie i bawled when i found out. but i've learned to deal and i'm happy for her. It's not her fault that her pregnancy is a success and mine wasn't and i have no room to say when she should or shouldnt have kids. its just a bump in the road that i had to get across

Quoting Coach♥Elliott:“ i can say i've been on the other end of it....2 weeks after my m/c my SIL announced that she is pregnant ... [snip!] ... wasn't and i have no room to say when she should or shouldnt have kids. its just a bump in the road that i had to get across”

Did your sister-in-law tell you or someone else? If she did, would you have been totally hurt if she hadn't told you herself?

All I'm saying, is if you not close enough that she would want to hear it from only you or she would feel hurt, then why not have someone else tell her. Let her have a good cry out first, and she can congratulate you when she's ready. That's what I would want if it were my sister-in-law.

Quoting HRKittredge:“ Did your sister-in-law tell you or someone else? If she did, would you have been totally hurt if she ... [snip!] ... have a good cry out first, and she can congratulate you when she's ready. That's what I would want if it were my sister-in-law.”

well they bumped their wedding date up by like 3 months and me being retared thought it was cuz they were having problems finding a reception hall and dj's and stuff like that. so i asked why and she was just like well we're expecting....but i'm a big girl i handled it till i was on my way home and let it all out in the car

Quoting Coach♥Elliott:“ well they bumped their wedding date up by like 3 months and me being retared thought it was cuz they ... [snip!] ... was just like well we're expecting....but i'm a big girl i handled it till i was on my way home and let it all out in the car”

I commend you for being able to keep it together. I'm not so sure I could have, but that's just me. I probably would have locked myself in the ladies room. LOL But seriously, wouldn't it have been better if someone else would have told you sooner? You could have bawled in the privacy of your own home?

Quoting HRKittredge:“ I commend you for being able to keep it together. I'm not so sure I could have, but that's just me. ... [snip!] ... wouldn't it have been better if someone else would have told you sooner? You could have bawled in the privacy of your own home?”

not for me no....i probably would've been offended. at least she had the guts to tell me herself. and i admire that. and i dont wanna be babied, that makes me even more angry for some reason. but that's just me i guess

Quoting Coach♥Elliott:“ not for me no....i probably would've been offended. at least she had the guts to tell me herself. and ... [snip!] ... and i admire that. and i dont wanna be babied, that makes me even more angry for some reason. but that's just me i guess”

It doesn't sound to me like she had the guts to tell you herself. You made it sound like the only reason she told you was because you asked why the wedding was moved up. Anyway, to each her own. Families talk, and news travels fast, so I would not be hurt (in fact I'd prefer it) if I heard it through the grape vine before my sister-in-law had a chance to tell me. But like I said, that's just me. Anyone else is more than welcome to add their 2 cents. Obviously mine isn't the only school of thought.

I just realized that I'm the cheese, and the cheese stands alone. Am I the only one who would rather hear it from my husband or my mother-in-law? I don't understand why it would be so offensive? I would be offended if I heard it from the mailman and he knew before I did, but that's totally different. I must not be that close to my sister-in-law.

Quoting HRKittredge:“ I just realized that I'm the cheese, and the cheese stands alone. Am I the only one who would rather ... [snip!] ... heard it from the mailman and he knew before I did, but that's totally different. I must not be that close to my sister-in-law.”

I agree with you

when my Uncle Adam and his gf got pregnant, my parents had to sit me down and tell me so i could cry my eyes out and then the next day i was able to congradulate them and feel happy about it. He is my favorite person in the whole world and i didn't want him to have a baby cause i was like his other daughter so it was hard but now they have 2 beautiful babies

Thanks for the advice ladies.   Her and I aren't close at all, I've only met her a few times - we talked quite a bit but we aren't close. So I think maybe it would be best if she heard it from their father?

This may be a little long but I thought maybe my exeriences would help you. My DH and I have been ttc for nearly 8 yrs. I have dealt with almost all of my family having babies including my 16 yr. old sister, and even most of my close friends. In most cases everyone told my hubby and then he would broche the subject when it was an OK time for me to hear it. Maybe watching a movie about kids or someone having a baby. However he figured I would take it best is what he did. I usually turned into an emotional wreck anyway and he was just there for me then but I don't think that I could have heard it from anyone else. Even my Bestest friend, that is more like a sister to me, didn't tell me. She went to him and they decided that he would tell me. I am sure that if my SIL were to tell me she was expecting then I would probably lash out at her. Not that it is her fault that I haven't been able to conceive just that yet another person in my life experiencing what I can't. anyway, hope that was some kind of helpful. good luck to you!  

Thanks so much for responding ladies. I was really starting to think that I was the only person who felt that way. I'm so glad I'm not the cheese anymore. lol