When will it get easier??

In July of 2006 I started to get really sick, I thought I was dying due to the fact I had an absest tooth. Then in August of 2006 I didn't get my period. I had a 6 month old baby boy already was pregnate again. I went to the doctors in Sepetember of 2006 where he told me I was 5 weeks pregnate. Well everything started to add up and said I'm futher along than that cause I've been throwing up for 2 months. So he sent me for an ultrasound a week later where they told me I was 16 weeks and 5 days with a little girl. I was so exicted to be pregnate with my little girl. Well as weeks went on I was crying that I was in severe pain and that I could barley walk. They had me on complete bed rest, where I wasn't even able to take care of my infant son! Month after month I got high risk ultrasounds, went to every doctors visit. At every doctors visit I told them about how bad the pain was finally the doctor had me convinced it was in my head that everything is fine! Every ultrasound they said eveything was good. In January of 2007 at an ultrasound the pain was so bad I couldn't let them even do the ultrasound cause it hurt so bad. So they told me I had to get an MRI done. I had the MRI done on January 24, 2007. On February 7,2007 at a doctors appointment they told me I had a small growth in my pelvic called an Accreta. They told me it was no big deal and they would be able just to take it right out with out doing a hysterectomy. So I started to do my reasearch on it and it saidthat the growth starts at 20 weeks and that the normal proceedure is to abort the babycause it cankill the person it's growingin and that the babies are never born alive (Still born). I learned by doing my reasearch there was 2 other forms of this growth if it wasn't dealt with when it first starts. Well on Feb. 14, 2007 I had my beautiful baby girl a month early. They did an emergency c-section and as my doctor cut me open only an inch I hear him say "Holy fucking shit, this thing is so big you have to get all the surgeons and the blood people here asap". They took my baby out and in 2 seconds had me completely knocked out to do an emergency hysterectomy at 23 years old. Here the growth was so big it went through my blatter lining, through my pelvic area and completely through my uterus. They told me if I didn't have her that day I would have been dead by friday cause my uterus was 1mm away from rupturing. So I had this growth growing in me my entire pregnacy and they told me the pain was in my head. Have something ripping your uterus apart! I was bleeding internally for a month they said to! I thought it was a mirical that me and my baby survived that! My daughter spent 11 day in NCIU before she came home with me.
Then on April 18, 2007 I woke up and relized she was sleeping for so long. I went to go get my son and my husband my daughter. I didn't even make it into his room when I heard my husband screamming BABE!! I ran into her door way and saw her and feel down the steps to call 911. I new it was to late but that didn't stop me from trying to give her CPR. I couldn't belive everything I went through my whole pregnacy to have her and for God to take her away just like that. It was suppose to be 6 weeks before I got back the med examiner report. Well four months later I was still waiting. So I called and they told my she died from SIDS. When I got her death certificates it said "Sudden unexplained infant death, could not be determine". I know for SIDS cause my friend had a baby dye from SIDS it said on the report "SIDS natural cause of death". So now there trying to tell me my baby died at 2 months for no reason. Well I recently found out that my lawyers have a cause of death and that the doctors were trying to cover it up but won't tell me what it is till I sign some papers. My pain gets worst and I just wanna know what's going on, I think if I had a cause of death it might ease the pain some! Sorry it's so long and thank you for listening!

Awwwww sweetie I'm SO sorry for your loss! I hope you find out everything you deserve to know about what happened to your baby girl! I'm so sorry and good luck!

You made me cry. I'm so sorry you had all that happen to you.

Aww sweetie! I am sorry for your loss.

I am so terribly sorry for you mama. I hope you get the answers you need to find peace for you and your family. You are so strong <3

Oh wow, you have been through a lot. I am soo sorry to hear. I am glad that your alive though....not only because of your growth but I have heard that a hysterectomy is a very dangerous procedure and that a lot of ppl die from it.
As for ever getting easier.....it has been over 2 years since I lost my daughter and I am still heart broken over it.
I dont even know what else to say except I am sorry to hear about what you have been through and if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me!

Quoting AmberLouis:“ In July of 2006 I started to get really sick, I thought I was dying due to the fact I had an absest tooth. ... [snip!] ... what's going on, I think if I had a cause of death it might ease the pain some! Sorry it's so long and thank you for listening!”

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I pray that you get the answers you NEED and DESERVE.

Thank you so much everyone. I went to a theripist and it didn't help cause they just keep asking you the same things over and over again. I find it easier to talk about it with people I don't even know and to get responses from everyone really helps! I'm sorry for anyone who has had to suffer a lost of a child. This past Feb. my brother pasted away. It's just been a rough year all around!! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE!!!

Quoting AmberLouis:“ Thank you so much everyone. I went to a theripist and it didn't help cause they just keep asking you ... [snip!] ... of a child. This past Feb. my brother pasted away. It's just been a rough year all around!! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE!!!”

I tried a theropist (sp) too but it didnt work bc she just seem like someone you talk to everyday and I cant really poor my heart out to someone I am not close to. Also I think talking to ppl you dont personally know helps a lot, bc not only do you get to tell ppl about your baby but I dont know about you but when I talk to family about it, its really hard not to cry, in fact I distnant myself on that subject to family and would rather cry about it on my own.

Quoting Ari&J'sMommy:“ I tried a theropist (sp) too but it didnt work bc she just seem like someone you talk to everyday and ... [snip!] ... it, its really hard not to cry, in fact I distnant myself on that subject to family and would rather cry about it on my own.”

I feel the same way! Plus my inlaws are horrible people!! I would rather stay away from them all together. I was talking to my mom about it alot, but then in Feb. my brother committed suicide and I don't feel right talk to my mom about a 2 month old when her son at 27 died!

i'm sorry hun. i wish they would just give you the info you need, it is so unfair of them to keep your emotions up in the air this long. you need clarity and answers, and theyre holding out, and its not fair   do you think her death had something to do with your growth, is that what theyre hiding from you?

i'm sorry for your loss. All I can say is wow. I've never heard anything like that and I can tell that you are emotionally drained. My goodness.

Quoting lolajessup:“ i'm sorry hun. i wish they would just give you the info you need, it is so unfair of them to keep your ... [snip!] ... out, and its not fair   do you think her death had something to do with your growth, is that what theyre hiding from you?”

There are a couple of different things that could have killed her...It could have something to do with the growth or the day before she died she had 6 shots..
3 shots in one needle, another one with 2 shots and an oral one. The med examiner told me she should have only had 3 shots and should have came back a week later for the other 3 since she was a preemie. I thought she was getting to many but their the doctors and I was suppose to be able to trust them! Now when my son get shots for 2 nights I just sit up and watch him to make sure he is okay! Not kowing is just draining me and making me nervous about raising my son! I was never nervous about having kids because I worked at a daycare for 8 years. After Kaylie I'm a reck!

Quoting AmberLouis:“ There are a couple of different things that could have killed her...It could have something to do with ... [snip!] ... about raising my son! I was never nervous about having kids because I worked at a daycare for 8 years. After Kaylie I'm a reck!”

omg thats terrible. i hope they find out the real cause, and if it's from a drs. malpractice i would kill someone.

I wanted to kill all the doctors till they told me it had nothing to do with it. Now that I know there is a reason I'm back on my mission to kill someone!