the babys father . . .& his mom.

So josh, [the babys father] text messaged me today and asked if i needed help taking down the crib. [it was recalled.] i told him, no, my dad was going to help, but thanks for asking. so his mom writes me on myspace and says this . . .

I suggested to Josh that he could come over and help you take it down, the crib. He could also help put up the new one when you get it. You need to have him help with stuff like that since he is the Daddy, it give him something to do to help. Make him feel involved.

so i said this back...
okay, heres the thing about josh. i dont want anyone forcing him to help me. if he wants to come over and help, & its his idea, then thats fine. but i dont want him doing it cause he feels like he has to. i want him to do it because he wants to. he should offer himself, you shouldnt have to tell him to. & i was wanting him to go to doctors appts. with me, when he wasnt working. but the last time he was there all he did was complain about how he needed a cigarette & that the doctors appt. was "pointless". he acted like he had no reason to be there. josh needs to make himself involved, im not going to force him to be. i really do appreciate everything that you & steve have done, but josh needs to come to terms that hes going to be a father on his own.

josh hasnt done anything for the baby, so far. if he calls, its because his mommy makes him. i dont want him to be forced into doing anything. hopefully he will change when lily is born.

but do yall think i did the right thing? or should i have just left it alone?

I think you did. Sometimes parents are oblivious to the way their children are and you never know, he might be telling his parents you don't want him around. My Soon to be MIL is crazy, and I've told her off a few times, apologized for my hormones but always let her know that it is really how I feel. Don't feel bad, you had every right, and you weren't really mean or our of line.

I would do the same thing!! I wouldn't want someone to do something because of what their mother said to do. He's grown and it's his baby so he should want to do them because he cares and not because he's being forced to do it. I would want it to be genuine and heart felt. If it's not then I'd rather him just stay out of it.

I think you're doing the right thing. At least I would've said that too. So sorry you have to go through all this on your own.

You are right, he needs to not be forced into stepping up. Thats something he needs to do on his own. And hopefully he'll realize that once the baby is born. Stay strong, mamma.

I think you did the right thing, I hate(d) when people would sit there and have to tell my daughter's father to do something concerning the pregnancy/parenting, but frankly, it was the only way he would/will do it. He needs to man up and be a father on his own, not having other people sit there and have to tell him what to do, he's not a child.

I think you did exactly the right thing. Being a man is something he has to do within himself. You can't force someone to step up to the plate. If he doesn't want to do it himself then your better off without him at all. You can't teach someone dedication. And if your not naturally inclined to be dedicated to your own child then its best he not be around at all. Theres nothing worse then being around a parent that you can tell doesn't wanna be there.

thanks yall! :]
that makes me feel a lot better about doing it!

his parents have been great, but he hasnt done shit!

Quoting bem♥alm:“ So josh, [the babys father] text messaged me today and asked if i needed help taking down the crib. [it ... [snip!] ... hopefully he will change when lily is born. but do yall think i did the right thing? or should i have just left it alone?”

youo did the right thing. Noone should bee poking their noses in your situations...also he should want to be a part of this child, noone should force him to be, although I think it is great that his mom is trying tohelphim make the decision to be a part of it.

I think even though his mom encouraged him to make the offer, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take him up on it.
Granted I don't know the whole situation but for moms, parenthood starts during pregnancy. For dads, it doesn't really start until the baby is here.
Maybe a physical reminder that the baby is coming (e.g. helping w/ a crib) will help put him in the right mindset.

Quoting Meg.:“ I think even though his mom encouraged him to make the offer, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take him up ... [snip!] ... is here. Maybe a physical reminder that the baby is coming (e.g. helping w/ a crib) will help put him in the right mindset.”

yeah, i know what you mean. but hes mom also encouraged him to go to prenatal classes, & he did not take them seriously, AT ALL. he sat there and played around, and talked about how "i wasnt going to yell at him while i was in labor" and that he was just going to give me weed to shut me up. he thought that was funny. i didnt. [the reason why we broke up is because he wouldnt stop smoking pot, he supposedly has stopped now though.]

You did the right thing to tell his mother your opinion. It's true I wouldn't want the baby's father do somethung because hismother twisted his arm into doing it.

you did the right thing imo. he needs to be daddy and step up to the plate, his mom raised him in the sense to be a man, now here is his test, man up and be a helpful father, or crawl into the fetal postion and cry to mommie.

Quoting bem♥alm:“ yeah, i know what you mean. but hes mom also encouraged him to go to prenatal classes, & he did ... [snip!] ... was funny. i didnt. [the reason why we broke up is because he wouldnt stop smoking pot, he supposedly has stopped now though.]”

Men are useless!   My daughter's father wouldn't go to my appts during the pregnancy because "it didn't benefit him" (That included four of my ultrasounds- three of which were planned ahead to check on a few things we were concerned about) and he decided a week before the classes that he wouldn't go to the delivery classes because he was pissed at me for some retarded reason. I'm hoping for your sake, as well as the babies that he will wise up and be a father when the baby is born. I've been through what you're going through, if you have any q. or just wanna talk, I'm here  

Quoting bem♥alm:“ yeah, i know what you mean. but hes mom also encouraged him to go to prenatal classes, & he did ... [snip!] ... was funny. i didnt. [the reason why we broke up is because he wouldnt stop smoking pot, he supposedly has stopped now though.]”

I'm sorry. That must be tough.
Just for your baby's sake, don't rule him out completely, you know?
It doesn't sound like he has the best track record but if he does decide to step up on his own accord, it will be beneficial to the baby =]

Quoting bem♥alm:“ So josh, [the babys father] text messaged me today and asked if i needed help taking down the crib. [it ... [snip!] ... hopefully he will change when lily is born. but do yall think i did the right thing? or should i have just left it alone?”

You absolutely did the right thing. That really shows your maturity and it will show you in the end how much he wants to be there for you and your baby. What you wrote was well said and I hope that it gets through to him and his parents. Good luck.