What should I say!! Please advise

I have a friend.... she has been a good friend to me... has always cchecked up on me.... looking out for my kids etc... I owe her alot...... What do u do when that person that needs u now... u not sure u can help.... Last night I get a call from my friend.. she lives in Florida now.... has no kids.... has tried to conceive for ever.. I have seen her suffer...... She calls and asked me for a huge favor last night..... She says trusts me... Says if I could help her by letting her borrow my uterus by the end of this year maybe a bit sooner to carry her baby... She wants me to be a surroogate for her.... I just paused for a second.. I have my kids and I love them to death.. she has not had that joy of being a mom... she wants a baby that is her she dont want to adopt... I have seen this woman cry and cry for that baby she couldnt have.. she went through invitro unsucesffully.. shes already 40 nyears old... I known her for a few years and she has been unconditional to me... she has been a shoulder for me to cry on... always made sure if I needed something I had it.. would just pop up at my home with groceries etc.. is not the material thing but her heart.. the action , the love that she carried in her heart.... NEVER asked me for anything tii now.... I never donde that so I dont know what kind of mixed feelings I could have if I was to do it.... I mentioned it to my hubby last night and gave me a crazy look.. says.. How would u explain this to your kids at the end that u gave away a baby.. there and then I saw that this is going to be a problem if I do it... She does not know what is being a mother yet.. I think we all deserv to be a mother at leadt once.... they baby would not be mine since she would be implanted... I'm already going alot as it is in this pregnancy.. what makes it not be worst than this one.... I love my friend.. but I dont know what to say.. she told me to think about it and get back to her... she told me no rush.. she cried on that phone and I'm already all emotional so u know I couldnt help myself... what to do? there is my kids, my marriage, my fam , my life,, my body.. and there is her and her pain, suffering .. she feels all alone... I can do it.. but how can I do it and not cause me pain later as far as everything I said above.... What to do?

Quoting Clarita:“ I have a friend.... she has been a good friend to me... has always cchecked up on me.... looking out ... [snip!] ... all alone... I can do it.. but how can I do it and not cause me pain later as far as everything I said above.... What to do?”

i think i would do it. I can't imagine what it could be like not to be able to have kids and i think having a child for someone is the greatest gift you can give. Yes, it might be hard to explain to your kids but one day they will undertand and i think they would look up to you later in life if you did this.

also it's a total unselffish thing to do and if your family looks down on you if you want to do it then that's selffish of them

I think its the best gift you could ever give her. However, you also have to think about you too.

This is a very tough one, I think you need to seriously think about it and more than mention it to your husband, if its what is best than you should do it. Your kids will understand and I believe it will teach them a great deal about being selfless and caring for those close to you, they will espect you forever. Keep us posted.

Quoting USMCBabyOnTheWay:“ also it's a total unselffish thing to do and if your family looks down on you if you want to do it then that's selffish of them”

I always told myself if i had a close friend that couldnt have kids I would love to do that for her.. But now that all I can have is c-sections it causes an issue for me bcause it tears up my body. But still I would want to do it for them.

If it would be conflicting for you to do, then I would suggest being honest with your feelings. Tell her your concerns. A true friend does things for others because they want to, not because they expect one day for it to be returned. You shouldn't feel you owe it to her, because I'm sure she has done what she has done because she loves you. I'm sure she asked you because she knows you and trusts that you will be a safe place for her future child. But if your not comfortable then tell her. There are places she can go for surrgency. (sp?)

i would wantto do it but i dont know if i could do it.. i mean.. i would get so attached to the baby even thu it wouldnt be mine.. i dont know that iwould be ablegive it up in the end.. i am sure there are laws or something saying u had too..but i think it would crush me...and just be to hard emotionally..ya know feeling the 1st movements and everything...and then giving it away..i have SOOOOO much respect for woman that become surragants...i truly wish i could do it...but i think its a choice u have to make and u have to do whats best for your family 1st.. good luck and i will keep ya'll in my prayers

Quoting Mandie-2happy:“ If it would be conflicting for you to do, then I would suggest being honest with your feelings. Tell ... [snip!] ... a safe place for her future child. But if your not comfortable then tell her. There are places she can go for surrgency. (sp?)”

We talked about that one too.. other posible surrogate... she says is afraid at the end they would not give her the baby.. and like u say ., is trust.. she trusts me... i would not mind doing it for her.... like u say kids later understand .... is just alot involved.... she says it might be around november if I decide to to give my body time to heal from this pregnancy.... I still have a little time.. I practically didnt sleep tonight thinking about it.....we are very open.... but she knows is something to think about .. I want to give her an answer very soon...

God forbid but what if something happens to the pregnancy and it doesn't take? Is that going to cause a problem for you guys? If she is providing her eggs and someone else carries the baby, that person carrying the baby has no legal ties to that child. It isn't there DNA, they have no claim to that baby, a true surrgeocy place I'm sure has something in place in the event something were to happen. I wish you tons of luck and I hope in the end she gets her baby.

Quoting Mandie-2happy:“ God forbid but what if something happens to the pregnancy and it doesn't take? Is that going to cause ... [snip!] ... has something in place in the event something were to happen. I wish you tons of luck and I hope in the end she gets her baby.”

thank u so much  

Sorry this is so late I just thought you should know Arizona has anti-surrogate laws set up to prevent surrogate motherhood. It is still possible but they make it a complicated run around. You wouldn't have to worry about not having legal ties to the child like the last reply stated, your friend would. I am all for surrogacy if you think it's something you want to do and can handle. You're in a tough situation with a close friend but I think you will eventually come to the right choice. Good luck!

http://www.hrc.org/828.htm

http://law.jrank.org/pages/10643/Surrogate-Motherhood.html

I'd do it.

She thinks a lot of you if she trusts you that much. I had an impossible time TTC my first and my sister offered to do it for me.
I think that you could explain to your kids in a gentle way that your friend's tummy won't hold her baby so the dr is going to help put the baby in your tummy for a while and the kids are going to have a new cousin.
The hard part would be letting go of the baby. Mommy's have 40 weeks to bond on the inside. It would have to be a selfless act to feel that joy and then give it away. But some women can do that. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.