re: Stillborn Birth on July 5th

Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words. I know exactly what to do, but it hurts so much and sometimes I just don't know if I should do what I should do. I thought about committing suicide, but that will only bring more pain to the world--for my loved ones who would have to see me pass. For all the mommies who have undergone what I am going through, thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. I've read in many postings and articles that a stillborn is extremely hard to prevent. Sometimes, things are going just well and the next he/she (the baby) can just pass. I don't understand why life has to be so hard. Why let me get pregnant and then take him away from me? My family and I created an alter for Timothy. It makes me feel better. I talk to him through there. Every time I go to his alter and talk to him, I feel that he is actually there listening to me. I feel comfort. I sleep better. I THANKall you ladies for being so supportive even though you gals don't know me in real life. We all share one thing in common--being human and being a mother.

I drove my mother to the doctor's yesterday and I brought my daughter with me. The doctor asked me if she was my daughter and if she was the only child. I didn't know how to answer because I have two children. One angel and one living. I burst into tears.

Timothy will always be in my heart and mind. I will live each day a better person as he has taught me to never take anything for granted. Life is precious and we should live every moment of it as it comes without regrets.

Thanks again everyone and my prayers are with all the mommies who have gone through what I have.

And I wish everyone the best of luck in life.

Quoting swt_mommy:“ Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words. I know exactly what to do, but it hurts so much and ... [snip!] ... and my prayers are with all the mommies who have gone through what I have. And I wish everyone the best of luck in life.”

awwe hunny, dont hurt yourself. you still have your daughter to take care of. you need be strong for her. at least you have your family for support. and do what you need to do to grieve, if talking to him helps then do it as often as you want, and dont let anyone rush the healing and grieving time.

I am so sorry for your loss! It will only take time to heal your broken heart. You have a beautiful baby boy watching over you! I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hello! I know your pain. I have started a myspace profile to raise awareness of still-births in the US and the world. Did you know that almost 30,000 babies are still-born each year in the US alone! I didn't until I lost my Jeremiah at 37 weeks pregnant. The link to the myspace profile is http://www.myspace.com/sadsawareness. SADS means sudden antenatal death syndrome. It claims more lives than SIDS each year, yet no one is talking about it! I want to put an end to that, so I started a profile. Anyone is welcome to visit the site and add me as a friend if you have a myspace.
Praying for you!
Dola

It's not your fault! God needed an angel and he chose your son because he is beautiful and pure. Your son is now your guardian...I hope you find solace in that. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Quoting mommy2Aprincess:“ It's not your fault! God needed an angel and he chose your son because he is beautiful and pure. Your son is now your guardian...I hope you find solace in that. My thoughts and prayers are with you.”

Thank you for your kind words.

Quoting swt_mommy:“ My dearest son, Timothy Michael Ho. It was July 5th that I had a doctor's appointment. I mentioned ... [snip!] ... his death. The doctor's say that it's unexplained. Everything seemed normal. I live each day crying. I wonder how can I go on?”

i wasnt as far along as you were i lost Jaylynn at 24w 3d.. When i few people would ask how i was (one i hated it) and two all i could do was say "it sucks" there is really no other way to describe the pain you are feeling. you can't sugar coat and it, and you can't use big words to try to describe it either... bottom line, it sucks, there is no other pain like losing your baby. It is easier when you have something of theirs you canhold on to at night, instead of being so empty.
The hospital gave my Jaylynn's blanet (after almost 2 months... i still hold on to it and sleep with it) It was a pink one they wrapped her in while we got to hold her and do our paper work. I never waashed it.. its very faded and i think may have some drool from me.. but thats ok.
For me, im a level headed person. I knew that yes there is a plan, and this id dont know why but losing my daughter had to be a part of it. I had complications about 5 weeks up until her delivery (i so delivered her naturally it only took about 2 hours worth of contractions, that i didnt know were contractions, about 45 minutes worth of severe pain and one push) but i know God wont put Tony and through something we couldnt get out of. I would not have been able to handle being a NICU mom. the thought of my child being there, an hour and a half away from me, would have killed us.
I hope that you can conquer your feelings and keep your baby boy in your heart, and in the back of your head. Its getting easier already. I'm excited to try againa nd one day tell me sons or daughters about there big sister, and one day WAY after that. show them pictures on how beautiful my little angel is.
I hope that you can understand that there is always a reason. And accept that. You baby boy loves you so much, just like the love you have for him. But right now he is bouncing in the clouds of heaven, playing on that jungle gym that probably would have given you a heart attack if you saw what the rambunctious boy was doing   Good Luck mama

Quoting swt_mommy:“ My dearest son, Timothy Michael Ho. It was July 5th that I had a doctor's appointment. I mentioned ... [snip!] ... his death. The doctor's say that it's unexplained. Everything seemed normal. I live each day crying. I wonder how can I go on?”

Hi I was talking to you in your other thread but I just found this one. I am so sorry for your loss. Your son's death sounds a lot like mine. I was 33 weeks and 5 days but there is no real explanation for why he died. Did you do an autopsy? We didnt'. I am here if you ever need to talk

Its not ur fault remeber thsat!!

Quoting Jenell:“ Hi I was talking to you in your other thread but I just found this one. I am so sorry for your loss. ... [snip!] ... 5 days but there is no real explanation for why he died. Did you do an autopsy? We didnt'. I am here if you ever need to talk”

Hi,
Thanks for your kind words. I chose not to do an autopsy because the docs told me that 80 percent of the time, they don't find a real reason anyway. I feel that I would let his body rest because the chances of me finding answers are low anyway. Further, the docs said that I have one healthy baby at home, so the risk of having another m/c or stillbirth is a tad low, so don't stress too much over it. Since my son has left this world already, there is not much I can do about it. Thanks for offering support.

Quoting An Angel's Mommy:“ i wasnt as far along as you were i lost Jaylynn at 24w 3d.. When i few people would ask how i was (one ... [snip!] ... jungle gym that probably would have given you a heart attack if you saw what the rambunctious boy was doing   Good Luck mama”

Thanks so much for your comforting words. My son is gone, but for some reason I feel that he's near. It's a different feeling. Losing a child is different than losing anyone else. My son was such an innocent boy (so is everyone elses). For him to have to leave this world before entering it, makes me wonder why it had to happen. Sure I believe there is a reason for everything, but you must question why "you" or any other human being. Ever wonder if it's a punishment? I don't know how easier it will get for me because as I think that I am truly understanding my feelings and that life is getting better (my emotions are healing), I break down. Like last night. I don't know what's going on. Yes, I miss him so much!

Thanks for your support and hearing me out.

Quoting swt_mommy:“ Hi, Thanks for your kind words. I chose not to do an autopsy because the docs told me that 80 percent ... [snip!] ... too much over it. Since my son has left this world already, there is not much I can do about it. Thanks for offering support.”

That is exactly why I didn't have one.He had already been through so much. Did you get to take pictures of your son? I have some of my son Ryan in my albums. If you feel comfortable I would love to see your son. You can PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting it here.
It will get a tad easier. I don't think things will ever be the same as they were before but you do start having more good days than bad. I don't think you ever stop thinking about them though. I still think about my son pretty much all day.

Quoting Jenell:“ That is exactly why I didn't have one.He had already been through so much. Did you get to take pictures ... [snip!] ... good days than bad. I don't think you ever stop thinking about them though. I still think about my son pretty much all day.”

I have my son's pictures, but I don't know much about this site and how to post and so forth. I'm just getting used to it. I thank you for talking with me. I feel like I am introverted now and that can't even speak to my husband. He seems to be emotionally better off than me. I was in tears last night and did not want to be near him. I heard that a lot of marriages end badly because of a stillbirth. Anyway, I wanted to share with you my dream last night. I don't know, but someone told me that I am going to conceive this september. I think it's a lil early, but do you think it's some sort of sign?

Quoting swt_mommy:“ I have my son's pictures, but I don't know much about this site and how to post and so forth. I'm just ... [snip!] ... someone told me that I am going to conceive this september. I think it's a lil early, but do you think it's some sort of sign?”

it could be a sign.
Don't let this come between you and your husband. That would make it so much worse   Men deal with this soooo differently. Sometimes I would think my bf didn't even love Ryan because he wasn't crying like I was. Luckily we both were determined to NOT let his death ruin our relationship and it had in fact ended up bringing us closer. You need to talk to your husband about how you feel even if when you do you don't get the reaction you want. I am sure that he loves him son...he is just dealing differently.
I know it sitll early but I would also look into counseling that you both can go to together. Or just you if he won't go. Wait until you are raedy for it though...if you go to soon it won't help. That has really helped my bf and I. It helps to understand how he is feeling even though he doesn't talk about it much.

I was 29 weeks and 5 days... the same thing happened to me. The doctors couldnt give me any real answeres.... im so sorry for your loss, if you need someone to talk to,,, im here. Ill keep you and your son in my prayers.