Any Mommies Struggling with Eating Disorders Here??

Just because we're pregnant, or have a little one of our own, doesn't mean our struggles with eating disorders come to an end.

I have struggled with anorexia since I was 12 years old (I'm 17 now). The disease actually impacted my pregnant health - I wasn't gaining weight like I should, I was in outpatient programs, and had pre-term labor (I was admitted to the hospital at 34 weeks). After a few weeks of being in the hospital with an IV, I started doing better, and was sent home on bed rest. My weight dropped again, and I was readmitted to the hospital at 36 weeks. At 37 weeks the doctors decided my body was no longer a safe environment for a baby, and decided to induce.

I've felt extremely guilty for not being able to "get better" for my daughter, and am frustrated with myself for my lack of progress. Eating disorders are never something you want or ask for, and they don't just go away, even during pregnancy, and after.

I'm looking for other girls who are struggling with, or struggled with, eating disorders during their pregnancy/motherhood. How did you manage your eating disorder during your pregnancy? How about postpartum? How did you overcome your eating disorder with an infant at your side? We need to support each other so we can be the best mothers we can to our children.

Quoting Larenna's Momma:“ Just because we're pregnant, or have a little one of our own, doesn't mean our struggles with eating ... [snip!] ... disorder with an infant at your side? We need to support each other so we can be the best mothers we can to our children.”

i had an eating disorder for 4 years. i was anorexcic for the first 3 and bulemic for the last. i also was in treatment programs at 16 and 17. it never fully went away to be honest. before i got pregnant i would only eat once a day or if i was hungry. ppl used to get on my case about it all the time. since being pregnant i eat constantly and have gained a total of 50lbs because i never used to eat and now do. plus i quit smoking. i haven't really had a problem during my pregnancy except gaining weight rapidly. i'm petrified that i'm gonna go back to my ways after the baby is born to get my body back. i can just feel it deep down inside. i don't want to but i know i will because i can't just let myself go. ya know? if you need to talk i'm here

Quoting toxiraindancer:“ i had an eating disorder for 4 years. i was anorexcic for the first 3 and bulemic for the last. i also ... [snip!] ... deep down inside. i don't want to but i know i will because i can't just let myself go. ya know? if you need to talk i'm here”

You're so lucky things just seemed to subside a bit since becomming pregnant. Everyone told me that would happen to me, and then when it didn't, that it would once I could hold my daughter in my arms... It's not always that easy though. I was in outpatient treatment programs throughout my pregnancy, and still wasn't able to maintain healthy pregnancy weights. I'm currently in therapy twice a week, and I'm really trying to get better.... I'm definately struggling though. Keep me posted on your progress throughout the remainder of your pregnancy and once your baby is born, ok? Good luck with everything!

its not that things "seem to subside" for some ppl and not others...some really work hard at fighting their eating disorder. its no matter of luck though, i assure you.

Quoting Larenna's Momma:“ You're so lucky things just seemed to subside a bit since becomming pregnant. Everyone told me that ... [snip!] ... posted on your progress throughout the remainder of your pregnancy and once your baby is born, ok? Good luck with everything!”

thanx. i know its hard. everytime i think about not eating, i think about my lil guy and eat at least something. just do your best and keep getting help. keep me updated too

i have never been right with food either and still when i eat i feel bad plus ive gained a lot during my pregnancy 53 pounds and it makes me very upset to look at myself sometimes cause i should have made better food choices. back in september 2007 i was 105 pounds my thinnest and now im 177. in the begining i was going to the doctors once a month and had gained 13 pounds and i just went home and cried cause i felt so bad,. i also have a feeling that im gonna start starving myself again after the baby gets here i dont want to do that i want to lose weight in a healthy way its just right now i can barley get around cause i gained s much weight in my legs that ive also lost most of my mucle cause i never execised much and i feel realy bad for it. but i hope to get better and hope everthing will be okay.

Quoting fukuana:“ its not that things "seem to subside" for some ppl and not others...some really work hard at fighting their eating disorder. its no matter of luck though, i assure you.”

i agree with you on that

Quoting fukuana:“ its not that things "seem to subside" for some ppl and not others...some really work hard at fighting their eating disorder. its no matter of luck though, i assure you.”

And I assure you, I was fighting my a$s off, and still am...

*sigh* it is really a mental mind fuck being pregnant with an e.d. hell, it wasnt like we felt good enough at anorexic weights..let alone plus the 40-50 many of us gain. i can relate to what toxiraindancer said. for once, i can eat and not feel like im worthless for it. im actually doing something amazing by feeding my body and being nurturing. what better a reason than to do something so self less and beautiful as making a child.

more than anything i want to be fully recovered and teach my daughter that she is worth more than any number. that she can excel beyond the scale and appreciate herself for more than just flesh. but it cant be done without providing a healthy example. which means i have a lot of work ahead of me. and i gladly fight it. as hard as it is.

my confession though...i dont know how to lose weight without going to an unhealthy place and im very afraid of relapsing after she is born.

I want more than anything in the WORLD to be healthy for my daughter. I'm in therapy, was in OP, have meetings with the nutritionist like 24/7... I'm doing much better than I was during the pregnancy when I couldn't seem to separate between my baby growing strong and my weight going up.... I've been able to maintain my breast milk supply perfectly fine, which the doctors thought I would have trouble with, by eating small "meals" of at least 3 food groups between each time I nurse her during the day. It seems to be working. She's already back to birthweight PLUS 3 ounces, so I'm proud of myself for the progress I HAVE made, but the eating disorder is still in the back of my mind 24/7... I have to force myself to eat those meals, for Larenna. I'm working on doing this for MYSELF instead of just for her.

It sounds like you're doing well with your ED, and hopefully you will continue to do so once your daughter is here, but if you need any support once she is, I'm always here ok?

i fogot to add that i was 124 prepregnancy even back then i was gaining weight really bad cause i went from 105 to 124 in a month

it really sounds like you are putting a lot of effort towards recovery. i respect that so much. i myself am trying to figure out a safe and healthy way to lose but keep up the milk supply. whatever advice you may have in that area would be well received. its a confusing line...wanting to lose preggo weight, but needing to have enough to feed your child, you know?

sometimes i question if the thoughts ever go away. im not sure what i believe, but...id like to at least hope they one day and silenced.

keep up the great work! remember it is all for a better good. it really truly is. even though it may not always feel that way. and whoo hoo on getting her back to par weight. thats really good to hear.

im also here if you ever need an ear or reminder of why its all worth it ;)

I am putting in a lot of effort, but I wish I were making MORE progress than I have. I'm only 2 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight right now, because I only gained 14 pounds throughout my entire pregnancy. She's a week old now... But Larenna was only just over 5 pounds.... so she did suffer. I'm just glad she's healthy.... I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if she wasn't.

I'd really suggest having regular meetings with a nutritionist and lactation consultant in COMBO (try to find two who work together, and preferably have experience with eating disorders...). Since inpatient and outpatient are out of the question with a little one, I really have to stay on top of the disordered thoughts that flow through my mind regularly. But I'm in therapy twice a week to help keep things under control.

Separating the calories over the day has been working really well. I don't FEEL like I'm eating all that much because I'm eating small portions often throughout the day. Each "meal" (there's like 8 of them throughout the day) is a fresh slate. I start new, and approach it with an open mind, regardless of weather I was able to eat the last one or not. I'm stil taking prenatal vitamins to help my milk supply as well.

i think we always want to be better faster. out of 14 lbs...her being 5 of them is not bad at all. she could be bigger, but overall thats a healthy weight for a baby.

i see a lactation consultant/CN every 2 weeks, but we wont be discussing the subject until i start bf ing. perhaps i should mention it sooner rather than later though. and im pretty sure she could put me in contact with a nutritionist. as far as therapy goes...i half assed it through one session and ...havent had the nerve to go back yet. but realistically it has to be done. thank you for the advice! at least i know im not the only person having a hard time with this.

the looking at each meal as a fresh slate is soo important. ppl get hung up on the prior meal or whats to come and sabotage their intake for the day. has your nut. mentioned a calorie range to you? i was trying to figure out my own "diet" and am thinking 2000 while breastfeeding should be safe for the both of us, since there are fat reserves. what are your thoughts?

Quoting fukuana:“ i think we always want to be better faster. out of 14 lbs...her being 5 of them is not bad at all. she ... [snip!] ... am thinking 2000 while breastfeeding should be safe for the both of us, since there are fat reserves. what are your thoughts?”

I really don't do well with counting calories. It is extremely triggering for me, and with my nut. we decided instead of going for a certain calorie range, that I should focus on eating what I can and not worrying about the calories. She said that eating when I'm hungry, and until I'm full, should give me the perfect amount of calories for both baby and I, so that is my aim, rather than a number, which seem to cause me to go down down down hill quickly.