Help a girl out.

My daughter is four months old. At first, having "normal" sex was great(meaning, non-preggo-sex). I couldn't get enough. Lately, the mere thought of sex disgusts me. It's not my husband although him asking, "Hey, wanna fuck?" isn't romantic or a turn on in the slightest. I guess I'll justify my sex drive, or lack thereof, by saying that my day is exhausting. My daughter is demanding and I'm still very much getting into the groove of motherhood. My body is back to normal(on the outside). Everytime he walks by me, he'll slap my ass or grab my boobs or poke at my vajayjay. Sweet, yes?   Maybe I should be flattered, but I don't like it when he does that. It makes me feel like there is little to our relationship other than sex. I feel like a piece of meat. I've talked to him about it, but he says it's a habit.

I start off my day around 3am when Carly gets hungry. Then she wakes up around 7am for another bottle. Around 9am it's playtime and she and I roll around and giggle until 11am when it's lunch time. Then she goes down for a nap and I take that opportunity to shower. Lately I've been painting all the rooms in our house, so I do that when she naps. 3pm and it's post-lunch lunch time. Another nap. Laundry. 5pm, the husband comes home and I cook dinner. We watch a little tv until 8 when it's bath, bottle, and bed time. By the time Carly is finally settled and sleepy, it's 9-9:30. I hop in the shower, fold the laundry, and clean the kitchen.

THEN HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX?

I told him that he should make more of an effort if he wants to get in my pants. Rub my back, kiss my neck, be sweet.Back in theday when we were complete horn-dogs,all he had to do was mutter the word "sex" and I was all over him. That's all changed and he hates it.

How can Stella get her groove back?
Any one else experience this?
Is it all me?

I think Stella will get some of her groove back when Mr. Stella pulls his head out of his ass. Your lives have changed. You have changed. It's not uncommon for it to take more of an emotional connection to feel up to sex when your body is just tired and worn out from a long day. Your husband can brush it off all he wants, but at the end of the day, he will need to put in a lot more effort to get to know the "new" you and compromise his juvenile habits and in the meantime, his adolescent behavior is only going to make that process longer with more resentment on your part.

Quoting jnazmom:“ I think Stella will get some of her groove back when Mr. Stella pulls his head out of his ass. Your lives ... [snip!] ... and in the meantime, his adolescent behavior is only going to make that process longer with more resentment on your part.”

Wow, thank you.
He says it hurts his feelings when I'm uninterested in sex. It's nothing personal, but if he did put forth more effort, then he'd get somewhere. I feel like I've changed but that he hasn't. I've changed in every way a person CAN change and all he wants is the old Denise back. I kind of miss her too, but she's gone and I don't think she'll ever come back.

I told him that woman are not like men. Men can get turned on by a picture. Women need to feel sexy, need to feel a connection. We need much, much more than some image. Well... most women anyway.

I am starting to resent him... for a lot more than his adolescent behavior.

Totally get where you're coming from. It's hard evolving when a huge part of you and your life seems stuck in a rut. How much work are you willing to put into trying to get through to him? Instead of using women in a general sense, have you tried using "me" and "I"? I think men sometimes get caught up in rolling their eyes about how feeling and emotionally needy women are and forget that the person standing right in front of them IS one.

Quoting jnazmom:“ Totally get where you're coming from. It's hard evolving when a huge part of you and your life seems ... [snip!] ... their eyes about how feeling and emotionally needy women are and forget that the person standing right in front of them IS one.”

He and I have been together for two years, married for one. When I first met him, he was a womanizing(sp), chovanistic(sp), generally disrespectful human being. Why I stayed interested? I considered it a project(I'm half-laughing). Since becoming a husband and father, he's grown a lot. Even though he still uses the words "cunt" and "dyke" and "fag" to describe any and everyone. He's still very immature. That is something I can't stand about him, but I don't think I can motivate him to change. He's still very much a boy.

Actually, we're having a lot of problems rightnow. I never knew how much stress a new baby could put on a new marriage. Or any marriage for that matter. We're living with his mom because financially, it's our best/only option. He refuses to look for a better paying job because it "stresses him out".

I could go on and on. Lately I've been questioning why I ever married him. A large part of it was because we got pregnant and thought it was the best thing for our child. Do I regret it? No.Do I love him? Yes. But he thinks all the problems lay within me. He thinks I'm the only one that needs work. I can't get through to him.

Quoting Mama Denise:“ My daughter is four months old. At first, having "normal" sex was great(meaning, non-preggo-sex). I couldn't ... [snip!] ... him. That's all changed and he hates it. How can Stella get her groove back? Any one else experience this? Is it all me?”

i dont have children, YET, but my relationship is almost exact to how yours began....and i have a feeling it will follow the same path....
all i can say is ...if it were ME, i'd sit down and have a pretty thorough conversation with him....talk about experiencing motherhood for the first time and you dont want to miss out on anything, and/or screw it up, and/or you have way more responsibility now and chores on your list......explain to him that while you're still the same horn dog you were before children (even though the sex drive isnt there much presently) ....your natural instincts are calling you to motherhood now.....
However,...i'd also look into his side of it all.....anytime i get upset with my bf, or angry, i try to step outside of my own box and put myself in his shoes, i dont know the specifics of your situation, but fathers usually dont get as much involvement with the new baby as you do....so think of it this way....
for the last 9 months his original horn dog of a gf/wife was overcome with pregnancy issues and he had to tame it down, be there for you, etc.....now that you're back, and you can have normal sex, he's siked! he's obviously VERY happy with you, and still VERY attracted to you, (Which in today's world i would do my best not to take for granted!) and he's just excited to have you back.....i think  you  should sit down and talk to him about the fact that you're a mother now, just as well as he's a father, and whether you both like it or not, your lives arent going to be the same....but that you're still the same girl you were before it all, and you're very much attracted to him still and you dont want it to go away, you're just not in the place to get into it as much as he is?

i know i rambled, its late and im bored ....and tired....and i have a heating pad on my 10 week old fetus (on my stomach) becuase for some reason it didnt agree with the velveeta i ate tonight and im paying for it!!!   lol

btw, i only responded to your very first post.....i didnt continue reading your other ones under this topic, so sorry if my original reply doesnt really apply to you   

Quoting JackieB:“ btw, i only responded to your very first post.....i didnt continue reading your other ones under this topic, so sorry if my original reply doesnt really apply to you  ”

Haha, no I appreciate your response.

I try so hard to see things from his point of view, but often times I can't get my head that far up my ass. Kidding. I get what you're saying. I just wish parenthood could have changedhim as much as it has changed me.

Quoting Mama Denise:“ Haha, no I appreciate your response. I try so hard to see things from his point of view, but often ... [snip!] ... far up my ass. Kidding. I get what you're saying. I just wish parenthood could have changedhim as much as it has changed me.”

i think that might be a problem with most couples....it changing someone more than the other...

but think about it, of course it changes us more....we go through it for 9 months, we have the baby inside of us, we take care of him or her and we nurture for 9 months and prepare.....what do they do? they provide sperm and massage us  (if we're lucky lol).....they dont get the same connection we do, therefore resulting in not the same change ....
at least thats how i see it....   

Quoting JackieB:“ i think that might be a problem with most couples....it changing someone more than the other... but ... [snip!] ... dont get the same connection we do, therefore resulting in not the same change .... at least thats how i see it....  ”

Yea. That's a good way to look at things.

Ugh. I just get so frustrated because we've been fighting almost constantly for the past... three months? When I first had Carly he was so sensitive and sweet. Now he just expects me to be normal again. I can't be. I never will be. He hates that.

Quoting Mama Denise:“ Yea. That's a good way to look at things. Ugh. I just get so frustrated because we've been fighting ... [snip!] ... had Carly he was so sensitive and sweet. Now he just expects me to be normal again. I can't be. I never will be. He hates that.”

wouldnt you hate it too?

sorry, i always try to switch roles....thats the only way i prevent fights with my bf and/or admit im wrong and get over things easier......

Quoting Mama Denise:“ Haha, no I appreciate your response. I try so hard to see things from his point of view, but often ... [snip!] ... far up my ass. Kidding. I get what you're saying. I just wish parenthood could have changedhim as much as it has changed me.”

LMAO! I agree with Jackie that putting yourself in the other person's shoes helps. But it's also a two way street. One person can't be doing all the changing to get back to who the other person thought they were and one person can't be doing all the demanding of change. Can you compromise at all? "I'll work on being a bit more spontaneous for you if you can just chill with the 14 year old horndog attempts at romance. I really want to take our sex life and intimacy seriously and it's hard to do when your overtures come across the way they do."

Quoting jnazmom:“ LMAO! I agree with Jackie that putting yourself in the other person's shoes helps. But it's also a two ... [snip!] ... I really want to take our sex life and intimacy seriously and it's hard to do when your overtures come across the way they do."”

Good idea. I'll try talking to him about it.

I just feel like we're a broken record. Same shit, different day. We're on repeat. Things go well for a while and then go back to the way they were...

Quoting Mama Denise:“ Good idea. I'll try talking to him about it. I just feel like we're a broken record. Same shit, ... [snip!] ... a broken record. Same shit, different day. We're on repeat. Things go well for a while and then go back to the way they were...”

Honey, it's the same way with my BF and I. We don't have any kids yet - although we did go through a miscarriage together not too long ago. We go through our ups and downs on a regular basis as well. It often seems that we can't go more than a couple of weeks of ups before we start fighting again. And my BF is the same way as your husband seems to be - constantly groping me, my boobs, my butt and my vajayjay (nice reference!), instead of being gentle and carressing me and kissing my neck and stuff like that. I don't get why they can't understand how to be romantic and passionate; why they think life is a porn movie.

Like the others said, it's probably best if you try to talk to him, but not all men can be talked to. My BF gets defensive and just about refuses to talk to me about ANY relationship issues. I hope yours knows how to have a mature conversation with you...

If all else fails, practice your patience.

"Everytime he walks by me, he'll slap my ass or grab my boobs or poke at my vajayjay. Sweet, yes? Maybe I should be flattered, but I don't like it when he does that. It makes me feel like there is little to our relationship other than sex. I feel like a piece of meat."

that sounds like me but opposite of your problem. im the one doing the ass grabbing/slapping, poking at my husbands peen peen. and he doesnt like it unless hes in the mood. and he thinks all i want is sex. which isnt true. im just more sexual than he is, and im addicted to sex. no joke.