Here's a little background. My husbands 5yr old is staying with us for the summer and most of the school year. His ex wants to come get justin because he dad passed away today, we told her no that he wouldnt be able to understand and we knew that she would be a total wreck and wouldnt be able to care for justin properly. ( she's called us numerous number of times before justin came down for the summer saying she wanted us to get him because she was going to kill herself) She is currently going through a divorce and her "husband" is saying if he dont get to see "HIS" son that he's going to take him and she's never see either of them again. <-- thats another reason we dont want him with her until the divorce is final. She kept texting today after we told her no that we werent going to allow her get him saying that he NEEDS to see him one last time and that he NEEDS to say goodbye to him. She called us bad parents and didnt even seem to care that her father had just passed away less than an hour ago. She kept saying that he WOULD understand and that she wanted him to be there.

Ok now here's my question. Would you allow a kid 5 yrs and under to attend a funeral and see that person in the casket one last time or would you rather they remember them when they were alive? ( sorry for just babbling)

five years old i think is a good time to understand life and death.
but all the other stuff that is going on with her is kinda iffy.

YOu would be supprised at what kids that young comprehend. My son was 5 when my husbands grandpa passed away. He was so sad at the funeral. We asked him if he knew what happened to grandpa. He said that he died and went to heaven and that he's never coming back. I say let her come get him so he can say goodbye as well.

This might be iffy. It's an open casket? I dont think I'd want my 5 year old niece to see someone in an open casket, but if it's her son, then his grandpa just passed away, and I'd let him go. I know, I didnt help much...

It's a touchy situation...some 5yr olds have different mentalities than the next 5 yr old, but you need to make that decision. Personally, I wouldn't. But thats just me.

My parents took me to my grandma's funeral at age three because my doctor recommended it. He said that it's best for kids to go because then they get the goodbye they need. My mom's dad commited suicide when she was 6. She never got to go to his funeral and for months after she would sit on the porch after school waiting for him to come home. She still to this day has times where she feels like he's going to come home. I say let him go to the funeral.

I was 7 almost 8 when my granfather passed away. I was the oldest out of all my cousins and I was the only one that went to the funeral. With all the issues I don't know if I would let my child go.

I was 7 & a half when I went to my first funeral. It freaked me out pretty bad & any time (like now) I think about it I get the picture of my grandpa laying dead, dressed in a suit, hands on his chest, in a casket in my head. I don't think any child needs that.

she's going through a tough time, emotions going everywhere, she needs support and wants to have her son..

Edit: Actually, these ppl have a point. Maybe it depends on the child's reaction. I mean, maybe its best not to see them... dead. It seems kinda traumatizing..

Try to work out something... cuz she's gonna be a total wreck..

Well I ain't sure.....If I had a 5 year old i would take him/her to a funeral......but with everything else going on......I ain't so sure on an issue like that.......this an issue you and your man should discuss whateva he says than just stand behind him and support what he thinks is a good choice to do

See but then thing is when she told us we sat him down and told him that his papa passed away and then asked him if he knew what happened to him and he just kept saying that he was at his house in georgia hunting. We tried to explain the whole life and death thing and it's like he didnt understand us. I wouldnt mind him seeing his papa one last time but the fact that she wouldnt be able to care for him and her husband and her suicide threats every other day. justin went as far as to say, i quote " I wish i could take that gun out of your hand and shoot you myself so you would be dead" ( yes his mother was holding a gun to her head with him in the room.) This was a day before we got him that he said that.


*edit to add* He also told my husband that he wishes he could rip out his throat because he hated him. ( He colored on the walls and we wouldnt let him watch tv) Honestly with the things he's said im terrified to leave my son in a room with him even with people in the room.

Quoting Gabes Mommy  :“ Here's a little background. My husbands 5yr old is staying with us for the summer and most of the school ... [snip!] ... that person in the casket one last time or would you rather they remember them when they were alive? ( sorry for just babbling)”

When my father was in a coma we let my son say good-bye and he was only 3 yrs old.We xplaind 2 him that he was goin with the angels.My son even said my dad was talkin 2 him.I have heard that happens 2 young children.If she wanted him 2 say good-bye she shoulda had him do that b4.Its might not be a good idea for him 2 c his grandfather in a casket they look so different then.It would be alot easier if he wasnt ther so she has time to grieve.Shes goin 2 need alone time right now.Her emotions are just crazy right now and probably jus needs her baby by her side.

My son is 4. We are going to a funeral in a few days. If this women needs her son right now, let her come get him. Imagine how she is feeling. But with her X, its probably just something he is saying to piss her off. But IDK about that.

Every funeral I went to, there were children there. My little cousins kissed my grandma could bye. They also colored pictures and she was barried with them.

Man, the other stuff going on is iffy. In a normal situation, he should go. Maybe you should just keep him, if she is that unstable.

Quoting Gabes Mommy  :“ See but then thing is when she told us we sat him down and told him that his papa passed away and then ... [snip!] ... him watch tv) Honestly with the things he's said im terrified to leave my son in a room with him even with people in the room.”

Then maybe he really aint ready and she doesnt sound stable at all.Tell ur man to go file 4 temporary custody until she gets court ordered help.This will only make it worse for her.You guys are probably doin the rught thing then.