Furious! UPDATE

I'm istting here at nearly midnight and I am still fuming. Again I have had my somewhat healed emotional wounds reopened.....by my Mother.....again. I just feel so betrayed. How can someone who is supposed to keep you safe from pain and not cause you tears - to be so careless? Not everyone is a trusting, tractful person. I wish she had had better judgement and had honored my request to keep my pregnancy non public!. She said she would, she didn't. And now 5 months later I get yet another person (who I am meeting for the first time in my life) refer to me as the daughter who miscarried her baby! 1 - it was never anyone's business that I was expecting besides the people we chose to tell. 2 - why would she feel the need to discuss it with strangers/ co-workers and 3. who ever meets someone for the first time and brings up their miscarriage??? It is like all my 28yrs on this earth hasn't meant shit! That I am defined as the daughter who lost her baby!

I want so bandly to be able to tell my mother this, but she will not hear me. When I am upset my emotions must be related to my hormones or realted to the pills I am on. I can never just have an emotion beyond happy around her! Or she will completely MISS the message of NOT TALKING TO EVERYONE ABOUT EVERYONE's BUISNESS! When this happened the first time she focused on the rude manners of the person making the comment - RATHER then the fact she blabed and got busted. So, if I were to call her out and show her how hurt I was - she would only then go back to that party and discuss how hurt I was - SO WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT.

You know, about a month or so after my m/c I felt like I was getting pretty focused and moving mentally and physically in the right direction. But as of lately I have serriously fallen into a real state of depression. Today just ensured I reached rock bottom quicker. I have clinical major depression in my family and I have had a few boughts and battles of my own. I just don't want to be depressed, but i can no longer help it.

Somethings gotta give, or I am going to break.

Quoting Mrs. Blount:“ I'm istting here at nearly midnight and I am still fuming. Again I have had my somewhat healed emotional ... [snip!] ... of my own. I just don't want to be depressed, but i can no longer help it. Somethings gotta give, or I am going to break.”

Im sorry. I wish I had something better to say!!!

Sorry about that..how about if you write all as in ALL that you feel about this subject and give it to her and tell her that when she reads it, she should read it as it is and do not try and read between the lines because there arent any written between the lines?
Try that..This way, you can tell her a lot and she can read and re read it on her own time. Tell her why you decided to write her as opposed to talk to her. She might just 'hear' you..otherwise, do not tell her anything anymore.

Mrs B, I am so sorry that those wounds had to be opened up. It is almost as bad as relieving the days it was happening. I'm sure your mom didn't mean anything by telling people you were pregnant, she was probably just excited to be a Grandma. But on the other hand in was wrong not to honor your wishes. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! If you need anything please let me know!

That is awful... Not even the fact that your mother was so thoughtless, but that this complete stranger was so tasteless/heartless...

I think you should talk to her... Start by saying that you have thought a lot about what you are about to say and it is not hormones, and if she can't be bothered hearing you out then cut her out of your life...
I know it sounds harsh, but you dont' need people in your life that bring you down, especially when you are trying to heal your own baby wounds. You should never spend time with someone who makes you feel worse about yourself, even a little.

Good luck Mama,
- Jess

Thanks for all your wonderful suggestions. It has been 3 days since I went through this and I can honestly say I am still deeply effected. I saw my mom on the 4th, I didn't bring it up since I was hosting a bbq for friends...but she got the vibe I was upset with her. I just really want to give this conversation the proper setting and attention it deserves. So, I am going to call her this week and setup some time. Whata mess.

It is just a super rough time right now. That I am still waiting for AF - she is WAY over due! Like almost two weeks and nothing but BFN's (considering I never O'd this cycles this was expected). I just want AF to come so my flipping body will feel normal again!!!! Is this too much to ask for????

Oh and my sperm donor (Biological Father) wants to see me after 20yrs of choosing not to be in my life. ARGGGGGGGG!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I'm a little late, but I went through the same thing. My mom told everyone that I was expecting, and they all were like, "well you havent been married long enough," and other crap. Then, when I had the miscarriage, she again told everyone and I had women at church walk up to me and tell me it was good that I lost the baby because my husband and I didnt need to be having a baby that soon.
Then, just recently my Brother in law, who is a royal jackass, chose to make some comment about how psycho I got after the miscarriage and he told me I was a psychotic bitch. I asked him when the last time was that he delivered a dead fetus in a toilet in the middle of the night and almost bled to death in the process because I was alone. He told me that I was being melodramatic and it wasnt as big of a deal as I made it out to be. People can just be total assholes sometimes, especially when its something that they have not gone through themselves.

I lost my son at four days old. The same thing has happened to me. It was a former friend who told people. I would be at work and people and dont know or even like would bring it up to me. The whole experience is terrible enough without having to deal with it at work. I feel like when you suffer such a terrible loss that you should be able to decide who knows. Not everyone deserves to know for one and when the situation is so uncontrollable you should be able to control one thing,who knows
I am currently pregnant and have choose to tell almost no one , so just in case something happens i dont have to deal with that. The whole is so terrible without having to have to deal with people like that. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I wish the best that can be for you.

Quoting jessica-burke:“ I lost my son at four days old. The same thing has happened to me. It was a former friend who told people. ... [snip!] ... having to have to deal with people like that. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I wish the best that can be for you.”

Sticky dust for you and your baby! I'm sure all will go just fine! Thanks for sharing! I really appreciate all the kind words from you and everyone else. It seems we all can have similar stories to tell. Such a wierd thing to bond over huh? The funny thing that I keep laughing at - is my mother just got her Bachelor's degree in Human Resource Management and is starting her Masters in Family and Marriage counseling in the fall - Funny because I consider her to be the LAST person in the world qualified to counsel anyone! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my mother and we have a good relationship - but crazy runs in her family so when it rears it's ugly head in her behavior it is just shocking!

It is bizzaire how comfortable people can be bringing up something that is NOT their business! I would never intrude on someone like this!

Ok, so my Mom sent me a txt msg on Monday (we share a client) regarding work. Before we ended our exchange, I told her we should talk. She asked if I was pissed off at her. I responded, not pissed - just hurt and some what disappointed. After that I got no txt beck and she never called me. I was bummed. Well last night she finally called. She was short and very cold, I greeted her cheerfully. So, since she wasn't being very nice, I just started by say: Well, I the reason why I am upset is.........

I had started to cry a little. Of course her response was: Why would "Yadda Yadda" say that to you. And of course I reminded her - that wasn't the point. The point was she should have never known in the first place. She gave me a few excuses, I explained very rationally that none of them were relevant. She told me how painful it was for her to go through it. I told her that the MC happened to ME and NO ONE ELSE. The fact of the matter was, it is MY body and MY business and I do not care to share it with anyone other then the people I tell. I told her she had a right to her pain - but no right to share it with anyone else but me - ESPECIALLY our employer (we are nannies) and their family! I told her I felt VERY exposed and blindsided!!! Her first aology was HORRIBLE! It was defensive, angry and empty. When I told her, it didn't cut it and I was only looking to tell her how I felt, ask her to never discuss me again without talking to me first and I wanted to move on from this - she exclaimed that she was DONE. Apparently my Father and my Sister were pretty mean to all weekend because they knew I was upset with her (but didn't know why) and she felt like that was all uncalled for. I responded with the fact that I can't be held responsible for their lack of boundries and that this WHOLE family needs a lesson in respecting boundries.

So the conversation went on for awhile, it got pretty bad at times, I almost hung up the phone. I really expected her to be more adult about it. Considering we never have beef's - I thought this would have been a lot smoother. She finally gave me a heartfelt apology and I thanked her. I thought the convo was ending a a good note when we started chatting about other things. But when we were saying goodbye she started to choke up and I felt horrible......

I just wish all the pain and drama would go away.

that took a lot of courage and I am proud of sometimes the hardest things to let go are negative relationships

Hey lady, I just dropped in to check on you and saw this--how are things now? Are you feeling any better?