We fought last night....

So my husband and I had a big argument last night, on our anniversary. I swear, I can't even tell you what it was about because it was just a lot of stuff. I was bringing up old stuff, he got mad and said that he's a bad husband and I need to leave...I told him I love him and didn't want to leave. Just alot of unecessary stuff. The whole thing started because I went over to a friends house and was going to have a glass of wine. I hardly ever drink, especially when he asked me to when I was home, so he got upset about that. And he got upset because I didn't talk to him before like I do with everything else. Anyway, so we argue till about 2 am last night (over the computer of course) and then I wake up to this beautiful letter from him. AWWWWW I swear he hasn't written me something nice in awhile. I mean I write him stuff and he'll write back, but he doesn't just write it on his own anymore. So I was real surprised.....

July 1, 2008
Dear MRS. Collier,
For what it’s worth, I am typing this letter for a couple of reasons. One reason is because I feel I need to share my feelings with you so that you have no doubt in your mind how I feel. The second reason is so that we can save this marriage. The truth is, I am still crazy about you. No matter how I act, at the end of the day, I sleep well knowing I have you as my wife. I love you now the same I did when we first said the words to each other. I probably love you more now I just can’t show it being away. I don’t want to be without you and I don’t think my life would be any better or easier. I think I act the way I do because of the situation we are in. this is a first time for both of us and I knew it would be hard. That is no excuse for the things I have done to hurt you. I hate when you bring stuff up in the past because it hurts me to know how much of a jerk I have been. As you know, when I get upset, my mouth takes over. I hate that I have acted the way I have in this marriage and that is the reason why choose to give up. I wish I could start from scratch and give you the life and love you deserve. I know deep down, I have a lot to offer you and this family. I want this marriage to work not only for shaniah’s sake, but for our loves sake. For the record, yes I do love shaniah and I will always love my sweet pea. I also love you dearly and I would take 20 bullets for the both of you. It’s not a matter of who I love more or not because you both have the key to my heart. You both are the special women in my life. Nobody can ever take your place and I want you to understand that. I know I have said and done some harsh things in this marriage in the past but, I have changed since then, so when you bring old things back up, it adds to the problem instead of fixing it. I know deep down I am a great provider but, I need to learn how to be a better husband. That is the God honest truth. It is hard to fix it being 2,000 miles away but all I can do is try. Support is the biggest thing I need from you. You said you used to let me get away with stuff but now you speak your mind. That is fine but I wish it would have been the other way around. Meaning, I wish you would speak your mind when I was home, but now since I’m in a hard time in life, you would let some things slide. I really hate to sit here and argue with you all day everyday. I know you don’t like it either. Yvette Marie Collier. I have never stopped loving you and I will never stop. I wish you would imbed that in your head like you do some of the stuff I say that I wish I can take back. I don’t want you to question my love anymore because that is really getting to me more then anything. I sure as heck wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you. I went from reserve to active before you were pregnant because I knew I wanted to take care of you for the rest of your life. I had my mind made up that you were the one for me before we graduated. Please remember this stuff because its not bullshit. The stuff I say out of anger is the bullshit. I am sorry I ruined the anniversary for us. I just wish I was apart of your life more. I know you think I am trying to run your life but let me tell you why I am the way I am. I would like you to talk to me about stuff first because I know if I were there you would and I still want to feel like I’m in your life. I want to know that you still need me and can still come to me. I don’t want that taken away from me too. When I say to I mean because, I lost my family for 15 months. I have lost my wife, daughter, and life, my everything. I just want to feel like I’m still needed. For what its worth, I love you and I am still in love with you. Till death do us part. I try to be the best husband I can be and I pray that my old Yvette comes back. I don’t want to run over you at all. I don’t want to be a jerk. I need my old Yvette that was more understanding and compassionate. My old Yvette that would talk stuff out instead of just blowing up. I know you are grown and don’t need to come to me like a kid but remember, we are a team. There are certain things that I like to get done in a timely fashion. If I ask you to handle some business for me, please take care of it for me babe. I love you and I will talk to you soon so we can fix this mess. We cannot let this time apart ruin this marriage. I need your support. I don’t need you to just say you support me. I need to feel the support and love from you. One last thing, I don’t like how you were trying to cover stuff up and make excuses. I know you admitted that you do it but I have a problem with it. I am your best friend. You can be 100% honest with me on anything. We will have no secrets in this marriage. And I remember that we used to argue a lot about your friends when we were younger. I don’t want that to happen with us again, especially if I’m as special to you as you say I am. Remember who your husband is and who you love. I am just saying that for future problems because I know we have argued over Michelle and now it’s the kendrae thing so I’m just saying babe. I always hated how you fought over you friends and I wont go through it again. Again I say, I love you and I always will. Let’s fix this marriage and let’s look back on this one day and see how foolish we were. Let this be the last argument for 2008. Who’s to say that’s an impossible task? If we try then it can be accomplished. All I ask is that you step your game up on the business end. You’re doing great with Shaniah. And I will try and calm down. Let’s make that our goal babe. I love you.
Yours truly,
Christopher D. Collier

aww so sweet. now Im jealous.

Now I feel like I need to write back.....and I dont know what to write...lol I'm telling you he hasn't written me something nice like that in a VERRRRRY long time. I was really surprised when I saw that in my email.  

I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP BRINGING UP THE PAST?? It's not like he cheated on me or anything like that. It's mostly a lot of stuff he's said, really really harsh things. Like wishing he would have had a daughter with someone else instead of me. Stuff like that.....When he apologized for all the stuff he's said to me, I forgave him but it's hard to look past all the mean. I try to, I really do. But then when we argue and he says something wrong that I'm doing.....I want to just throw all the mean shit he's ever done in his face. I want him to feel guilty and I want him to be sorry for it all......But it's not good for our marraige. I dont know how to stop feeling like I need to bash him..... 

I wouldnt be able to write a letter to compare to that either.

Aww that letter is so sweet. i dont know what to tell you. Maybe you could try to stop bringing up the past. it isn't good for your marriage. and just start looking towards the future.and try to forget whatever happened in the past.i remember in past relationships everytime i was pissed at something that they did i would bring up the most hurtful things that they had done to me and i would throw it in their face. (it hasn't happened with the hubby yet) But the point is that maybe you can try to pick your battles. its good to let somethings go.and maybe your hubby was just a little mad because he cant be here with you on your anniversary.

Yeah, he was upset cause he couldn't be here. I try to let the past go.....I need to put some duct tape on my hands whenever I feel the urge to throw old stuff in his face lol

Quoting myLOVE*myLIFE:“ Yeah, he was upset cause he couldn't be here. I try to let the past go.....I need to put some duct tape on my hands whenever I feel the urge to throw old stuff in his face lol”

Lol.. yeah but its so hard to stay quiet when your pissed. =) when my husband was deployed last year, it was really the only time we would argue. and it was over dumb stuff. when he came back everything was ok again. we haven't argued since. i decided that if he gets deployed again im not going to take his dumb comments seriously. because according to him he just had alot of time on his hands while he was overthere and overthought every thing too much.

OMG lol....yeah my husband over thinks everything too. He thinks of bad stuff...like maybe i'm over here cheating on him,...stuff like that. Which is totally just in his head. I try to let his crazy comments slide. But sometimes DAMN I can't. I'm going to keep trying. And it is true,...me and my husband argue alot when he's gone but when he's home, we're okay.

Quoting myLOVE*myLIFE:“ OMG lol....yeah my husband over thinks everything too. He thinks of bad stuff...like maybe i'm over here ... [snip!] ... can't. I'm going to keep trying. And it is true,...me and my husband argue alot when he's gone but when he's home, we're okay.”

Those were the same issues that we had. he always thought i was cheating and doing all kinds of crazy things. i dont know why he even thought that i never gave him a reason too. But i guess since they hear it happening so much while their overthere, they can't help but wonder. Just try to ignore him when he sounds weird on the phone/Email or when he wants to argue, just kinda brush it off. =)

lol wow, our husbands seem to have a lot in common. That letter sounds EXACTLY like christopher would have said or written to me. Wow, crazy. But thats a really sweet letter. It almost made me tear up, because it made me think of a fight we've had and it sounded like what he would have said. Anyways, i do a lot of the same stuff you do..about bringing up things in the past or something he's said and i forgave him for && we'd agree not to talk about it anymore, but when we fight i sometimes throw the things in his face. && i neither could think of something that good to write back. Good luck, hun!

LoL..... dont give my husband reason to either. He deals with a lot of soldiers getting cheated on too, so that's why he accuses me. I dont pay attention when he says something. We also agree not to talk about something anymore but some reason I always get pissed off and throw it in his face as well....

Yep..im the same way!! He does the same thing too though, he'll sometimes throw things back in my face..its like we're trying to get even, though its not right and we know we shouldnt..its just a right then and there thing to get back at the other.