Unbreakable Bond? (LONG)

My babys dad and I split up at the beginning of my pregnancy. Probably when I was about 4 months, by my choice. He put me through all kinds of hell throughout my pregnancy..not really by saying anything to me personally, but people saying that he was going around saying He wasnt sure if he was the dad, him not being here for me, that kind of stuff got to me pretty bad. Although he never denied her to me..I knew that he wasnt going around being proud daddy either. He continued his partying and going to his shows..pretty much continued life as if I had never been a part of it and I had never became pregnant. I would randomly get calls from him never asking about Kadence ..just how are you...maybe a five minute phone call every couple months. When my due date came about and he had his friend cal my cell to find out that I was indeed in labor and at the hospital. He called every few hours after that..obviously I was busy and didnt answer or my mom did. But he had his mother call the hospital to see if he could come see her. Which I let him..he was suppose to call me that Mon or Tuesday didnt call until Friday. Mind you, his parents are in the middle of a divorce and he doesnt have his car or phone anymore..but that doesnt give him the excuse, he could pick up a friends phone right? Anyways..he told me he would be up that weekend..never showed, never called. Called me that Monday and he was suppose to come up the next day..never heard from him..until Wed. he ended up coming up and spending probably 6 1/2 hours here. He is totally gross now days, he has gotten dreads and just has this whole dirty hippie look going on instead of the clean one he use to have. I hold these grudges on him, but I keep having hope that maybe he will be here for his daughter, maybe he will straighten up. I know its not very likely..but I still have hope and being around him as much as he isnt physically attractive to me anymore, I still have those feelings..I cant seem to shake them. In my head its like a dream of him straightening up and us becoming a family..I had these thoughts GONE until I had to see him again.(Of course I would want him to clean up again..lol.)I can tell he still has feeling for me but he is just messed up.I want him to be here for his daughter, I dont want to get in the way of their relationship..but I dont want him to decide later on Daddy isnt the life for him and him hurt her. I feel I need to protect her from him, but at the same time, I feel if I push him away Im not giving him a chance. Im torn between the two and I dont know if its just my heart arguing with my head or what...but it just feels like I cant break the bond we once had. You cant change someone who doesnt want to change themself..I just want him to soo bad and its hard to sit back and not say anything to him. So I have pretty much just pretended the feelings arent there anymore, I dont know if I am trying to pretend to everyone else or to myself as well. I dont know if I should try talking to him about things or not...I cant help but wonder now that he has saw her and everything if talking to him about us and getting things together the right way would help or if I should just keep my mouth shut and keep things simple just keeping him in his daughters life as much as possible. What would you do? Im so confused.

Quoting Kadences Proud Momma:“ My babys dad and I split up at the beginning of my pregnancy. Probably when I was about 4 months, by ... [snip!] ... shut and keep things simple just keeping him in his daughters life as much as possible. What would you do? Im so confused.”

always chose your daughter first, he had his chance and she needs you to make these kind of decisions for her, but give the father a choice if he wants to be in her life, (for the benefit of the baby) if it turns out it isn't for the best, no harm done & you will know that you have done your best : )

Peronally, I wouldn't bother.

I'm in a similar situation. I have to remind myself that my son's father and I split up for a reason. Several reasons, actually. No matter what, it wouldn't work between us.....ever.

You're probably better off finding someone better for you and your daughter. He doesn't sound like he's capable of that.

Thanks Girls..I dont know why I cant just hate him and be done with it. I pretend I hate him..but I dont at all. I know I deserve better and I will ALWAYS ALWAYS put my daughter before anything, whatever is best for her is what will be. Its just so confusing..better off without him...or better off making a family with him for her. I dont want to let him in her life and him end up leaving her stranded like he did me, it terrifies me. It makes me feel like I should keep her from him, but in the end when she was older I would just be the bad guy for keeping her from him. These kind of situations are so tough..and so confusing.