Venting & a realization on last night's Dr. Phil show....

Ok, so before you read this, all teen mothers on here must realize that I"m NOT putting them down, rather, I just don't agree with teen parenting and it's a personal opinion.

Anyway, Dr. Phil's show last night was on that very topic and how stupid teen girls are to think they can be selfLESS and how dumb they are to think their man will actually stick around (Dr. Phil said those things- he thinks they're dumb and I somewhat agree with most teens who have children, althought definitely NOT all).

Anyway, there was a 16 year old girl who was on the show and was 8 months pregnant and said that the most important person in her life is her father and he's the person she loves the most and when they weren't getting along, she felt unloved, thus, seeked the "love" from a guy by having sex, and once pregnant, thought they would raise the baby together and have a happy family but it never turned out that way. Anyway, I really took what she said to heart about not having her father's approval and seeking it somewhere else.

My father completely ignored me and never told me I was beautiful until my wedding day last year when I was about 28 1/2 years old. He always told me how fat I was and that I needed to lose weight, even while I was 5'7" and 123 pounds, starving myself so that maybe I'd have his approval. Anytime I would tell him about my achievements, he would point out 10 things at least that I'm doing wrong. So my entire life, I seeked the approval of many men and always pushed them away, as to protect myself from getting hurt once I knew they loved me. I realize that now and it's just a neverending cycle. As most of you know, my husband is a complete drunken asshole, and now he's just an asshole, sober or not. Anyway, now that I have my son and his 100% approval (I finally have the 100% approval from a male figure), I don't feel like I will ever need another man to "complete" me in my life. I just mean I could care less about being in a relationship ever again, although I would for my son's sake because he needs a better father in his life.

But it was what that 16-year old girl said that really hit "home" for me. It stressed the importance of having a strong, loving father in a woman's life. That paves the way to how she feels about herself and how she trusts men in the future. Because of my father, I've always been extremely insecure and don't feel any self worth most of the times and I've tried changing that but how do you change 29 years of thinking when it's engrained in you? My friends who have had very strong, loving fathers are all strong, successful women who are confident and very sure of themselves and don't second guess themselves.

Anytime I have ever watched talk shows on teens who misbehave, they're always mainly girls who never had a strong father figure, if any father figure for that matter, in their lives. Even though I wasn't on that show, I was one of those troubled teens, going in and out of group homes in various states.

My point is that I normally don't agree with teenagers these days but I truly understood where she was coming from.

O_O NOOOO!!!! you just reminded me!!!! =( i still havetn seen it but i read the transcripts from it and.. ugh. all i have to say to her is tsk tsk tsk. if she wants a baby sooooo badly i think she should take care of one for 24 hours then see how she feels about it... children are NO joke.

Quoting Anastacia'sMommy:“ O_O NOOOO!!!! you just reminded me!!!! =( i still havetn seen it but i read the transcripts from it and.. ... [snip!] ... a baby sooooo badly i think she should take care of one for 24 hours then see how she feels about it... children are NO joke.”

Oh of course, I agree....I mean about the 14 year old girl - she had a foster child to take care of and only took care of that baby when she felt like it and completely ignored that baby while they were crying (her parents wanted to show her what it was like or something like that - I can't remember). But the 16 year old girl did NOT want a baby - she had sex because she truly seeked the attention and lovefrom a male figure. That's what I was referring to. I do not agree with teen pregnancies but que sera, sera.

I had a loving father figure in my life....not my father, but my stepfather that I consider dad.

I have always been very independant. I have two college degrees and have been raising children on my own for almost 10 years. I consider my life successful....but Im not sure if its all due to my dad, but to my parents and the stability that they both offered me growing up.

How is your relationship with your father now?

bleh, i feel you on the hole father thing...
mine was a crack head, (but we had no idea) and totaaly favored my brother, when my parents split, we would stay ever other week at his house, were i would clean, do laundry, cook, the works, no thank you, no nothing, just another list of shit to do. i was 12, my brother was 10, so like evrey other 12 year old girl i wanted to go oput side and play with my friends down the street, and my dad would always tell me go you need to lose weight, you guys can run laps or somthing, i ignored it for a wile, but one night i was out side it was still light out, maybe about 7, and i was in the back yard, and my father yelled "hey fatt ass get in side" and i had to stay home and do the dishes wile my dad took my brother out to eat, we didnt have a home phone, just my dads cell, so as soon as they left i used the girl next doors phone, i didint see my dad again for 7 years and i really think its why was like i was, obsessed with my weight, i still am to some degree, and with as track record im extreamly ashamed of, but i dont believe i got pregnant so young because of the way i was treated, i was finanly in a healthy relationship, and the pill failed me  

i just hope for my childs sake shawn is a good father
i never relised how mush he impacted my life till much later

I completely understand what you are saying and feel the same way. Its no joke.But on the other hand I was one of those teens that didnt have the love of my father so I tried to find it in men well boys I should say. Until I met my husband that is... He totally changed me from a drug doin hooche to a drug free and better person. Now I got preggo at 15 and lost my little man two days after he was born. I felt for along time I had done something in my drug doin days that was very bad and bad enough that my only son was takin from me as an example. That was eight yrs ago almost nine and I still hurt from that. I do agree I had no idea what I was doing but if my father had been there maybe that stuff wouldnt have happened to me.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ Ok, so before you read this, all teen mothers on here must realize that I"m NOT putting them down, rather, ... [snip!] ... states. My point is that I normally don't agree with teenagers these days but I truly understood where she was coming from.”

Well I gre up without a strong father figure and I feel Ive turned out just fine.I was a very troubled teen.I met the guy who got me outa my drugs and crazy life and he is now my husband and father of my two babies.I got pregnant with my son @ 17.My man joined the millitary, we got married, we have a 2 year old home in an upscale neighborhood with great surrounding schools.My kids have everything they need and could want.I am lucky enough to stay home with my babies and not have to work.My husband works a full time job and goes to school full time to provide for us.I didnt plan on having ababy at 17.Or being married.But the guy that told me that he wanted to be with me and seen all the potential in me but wouldnt stay unless I gave up my crazy life changed me.My son has changed me.I love my life.I feel God blessed me with Jonathan.And then my son.Because if niehter of them had ever entered my life I would still be lost.But I feel that my life is very successful.With the messed up childhood and crazy teenage years I lived.Theres always a way out.Its how strong you are.And it has nothing to do with age.I am 19 years old and have everything if not more then some 30 year old families do.Me being a teen mom doesnt mean anything.19 or 35, its the person(you) that makes you the mother, the wife, the child, the sister, the daughter who can succeed or lose.

i commend you for pouring yourself out to us. i feel the exact same way. i treated men the same way. i have a lot of pinned up inner anger and its really hard to talk about still. but i finally figrured out earlier this year is that it was anger toward my father and just wanting that attention from practically any man that would give it to me. ya know.
i wish that i could talk more about my personal situation. but it still makes me feel ashamed for the mistakes that i made in my past. maybe later in my life i will be able to talk openly about things like this. but its still pretty hard. i give you kudos though

Quoting Sodypop Girl:“ I had a loving father figure in my life....not my father, but my stepfather that I consider dad. I have ... [snip!] ... dad, but to my parents and the stability that they both offered me growing up. How is your relationship with your father now?”

He pretty much "buys" my love but is a much better grandfather than he is a father, so that's what means the most to me. I'd much rather him be a good grandfather than anything else.

And my mother was a wonderful motherfigure and I had a strong step-father, but I resented him because he's so rich and for years, my father told me how poor he was and I believed him because he's my father. Then I come to find out he buys 3 cars per year. I didn't know this becuase I lived in a different state and didn't see him for years, although we kept in contact. So I resented my step-father for taking my mother away (even though he didn't - I know a lot more about the situation now than I did when I was 6 and 7 years old of course) and being so wealthy and then there was my poor, single father.

I totaly agree with you! My dad hadcustody of me and my sister's but treated us like crap, always telling mewhat I did wrong, putting his wives before us. Never told us he loved us! I got pregnant at 16 and married at 16! but my husband is wonderful! I probably give him a had time because I try to make sure he doesn't treat our daughter like that! He is nothing like my father! Thank God! To make things worse my father is married for the 3rd time now and this wife finally had his son! So me and my sister's are pretty much forgotten!

Quoting Erica [=)]:“ bleh, i feel you on the hole father thing... mine was a crack head, (but we had no idea) and totaaly ... [snip!] ... me   i just hope for my childs sake shawn is a good father i never relised how mush he impacted my life till much later”

I'm very sorry you went through that but I understand- even when my sister was overweight, he never said anything to her. I'm happy for her sake that he didn't but becuase of him, I will never be thin enough, no matter what, and I will never feel beautiful, regardless of what people tell me. It's just not anything I can truly change - I've seen Psychiatrists/Psychologists for 17 years - since I was 12 and nothing has helped.

Sure, not all girls who get pregnant have had a lack of a strong male figure in their lives, but many who get in trouble with the law have not had someone like that.

Wow, I wish I would have seen that! That's exactly how I felt my whole life growing up. So it may come to no surprise that as soon as I graduated highschool I got pregnant. Pregnant at 18 and became a mom at 19. I have to say it was the best decision I ever made. I wouldn't be able to tell you where I would be right now, however, I feel that it wouldn't be a good place. At the time my roommate was getting into drugs pretty heavily. I probably would've followed her.

Edited to add: Even now at 27 I struggle for my fathers approval on everything I do.

Quoting Mrs. Lisa Jones:“ Well I gre up without a strong father figure and I feel Ive turned out just fine.I was a very troubled ... [snip!] ... or 35, its the person(you) that makes you the mother, the wife, the child, the sister, the daughter who can succeed or lose.”

I'm very happy for you that you've overcome everything and I commend you for that, but honestly, most women don't achieve that much after not having a father-figure in their lives - I know, I'm one of them.

And the ONLY person in my life to get me away from alcohol and drugs and smoking was my son - when he was an embryo. My husband (although he won't be for very much longer) is an alcoholic, abusive (physically and verbally) drug addict who could care less about me and how I feel and treats me like shit because I"m a female and he thinks that because I'm female and don't bring in income that I don't have a right to an opinion. Every guy I've ever been with has treated me like this and I always wondered why I kept going for the smae guys, different name. I've realized lately that it's psycosimatic and that I look for guys like that because it's all I think I deserve, even though I dont' intentionally do that.

So while I'm very happy that you've gone your own way and have a loving, respectful, supportive husband, most women don't have what you have when they never had a strong father figure in their lives. My sister has had a perfect (in my eyes), great life, as has my step-siblings but definitely not me. Other than my wonderful, beautiful son, I always got the sh*tend of things.

Quoting Hannah0828:“ i commend you for pouring yourself out to us. i feel the exact same way. i treated men the same way. ... [snip!] ... maybe later in my life i will be able to talk openly about things like this. but its still pretty hard. i give you kudos though”

I'm glad you came to the realization of the root of your problems.

Unfortunately, I don't see my self image as getting better. I'm not giving up - I'm just saying that it's been a thing that has been engrained in me for 29 years now and I honestly don't think I should ever be in any relationship because I push men away before I get hurt and before I get my heartbroken and do whatever I can to subconsciously sabotage any relationship I'm in, even though I don't purposely set out to do that. I'm a very jealous, insecure, self conscious person and it's not fair for anyone to have to be around that sort of thing.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ I'm very sorry you went through that but I understand- even when my sister was overweight, he never ... [snip!] ... had a lack of a strong male figure in their lives, but many who get in trouble with the law have not had someone like that.”

thats how i feel no matter how many people coment on be being thin, (prepreg) or told me how pretty i was, it didnt matter i wanted to hear it from him.when i finally did agree to see him again, he lives in wyoming now, but he came home for about 2 weeks we got together a few times then i learned from my grandma he had gone home, no good bye nothing, his excuse he didnt know how to reach me, wtf? i have a cell phone, after finally opening up to him i was just burned once more.

i have given up