I just need to vent!!

I am just so upset right now!! I am a SAHM and my son is 19 months old. We currently live at my mom's house (she is rarely here, she stays at her boyfriends) and my brother lives here who is 24 with the brain of a 12 year old. I know all SAHM's do this but I do the laundry, clean the house, do the dishes, mop the floor every once in a while, clean up after Conner, watch Conner, TRY to cook but not very good at it, especially when we don't have much food to cook with right now, try to do my schoolwork and yet get some down time at the same time. I try to get as much done as I can but I am always getting criticized by my fiancee. He goes to work and when he comes home and the dishes aren't done or the laundry wasn't done that day because I was really tired or had a migraine, he yells at me. He tells me all the time that I don't ever do anything. I admit that when we first moved in together, he did everything (that's how it has been my entire life, my mom didn't make me do anything so I didn't know how to do anything) and I worked. He didn't work for 3 years and we didn't have Conner then so of course he got everything done.

I don't ever get out of the house because we only have the one car running and it is MY car. He takes it to work everyday and he never lets me take it cause we don't have gas money or I don't deserve to take it because I don't work. I had to fight with him to take the car today to be able to see my cousins that are passing through from AZ to move back to NY and mind you this is the first time I have left the house really since June 2nd, I go to church but that isn't really downtime. I just feel like everything I do isn't appreciated and I can't even bring up a conversation about anything without him yelling at me to get a job!!I stay at the house by myself everyday and I tell him that I keep the house clean and do the laundry and the dishes, LeAnn and I talk everyday and I am always doing the dishes when I talk to her, and he says that I only clean the house once a week. If so, Conner would have the house destroyed by the end of the week!!

I "asked" him if I could get a haircut today because the haircut I have is the bob that needs to constantly be trimmed in the back and he said no because it's not needed. He won't let me get anything and I have to ask him like a child to be able to get even the simplest thing like another binder for my school stuff. Because I don't work, I don't deserve to ask for anything, have a say in anything, or even take my own damn car.

Today he filled the tank and I was taking him to work and he made a comment "Yeah the tank is full but you waste away half the tank by tonight!!" and when I stopped by for his lunch and to show my cousins how to get there to see my brother before they left, he mentioned how I have a "red spot on my chest" and how embarrassing it was cause he has to work there! I just felt so sad when he put me down like that. I drove over the interstate to leave and said goodbye to my cousins and started to cry because I wished I could just go with them back to NY. I just feel so trapped sometimes and the only way out is to get a job and save up money. I can't just kick him out (I know I really can but...) because he doesn't know ANYBODY here and his credit is so messed up that he wouldn't be able to rent an apartment and I wouldn't be able to do that to the father of my child.

I really don't think I am in love with him anymore, I love him yes, but I'm not in love with him. He makes me cry all the time and then calls me a child for doing it. He talks crap to me that I cry more than our 19 month old son and then blames me because he is "telling the truth!!" He doesn't realize that people have feelings. I tell him that and he says that I am an adult and need to be able to take it and if I can't, than I am just a child and need to grow up.

Sorry everyone, this was really long but I needed to get everything out so I can just relax for the next hour till I have to go pick him up.  

Quoting Crsti:“ I am just so upset right now!! I am a SAHM and my son is 19 months old. We currently live at my mom's ... [snip!] ... this was really long but I needed to get everything out so I can just relax for the next hour till I have to go pick him up.  ”

I think you should find some way to tell him get the hell out. I'm a SAHM, and my husband doesn;t/ would never treat me that way. You do have a full time job raising your son!

Quoting acharper:“ I think you should find some way to tell him get the hell out. I'm a SAHM, and my husband doesn;t/ would never treat me that way. You do have a full time job raising your son!”

Thank you... I was talking with LeAnn and I am thinking that if I get a job and start saving up money to be able to move him to his mothers, it might be easier... Then I start to worry about him taking Conner from me. He says that no one would let me keep him if I don't have a job and his family has way more money than mine so they would give him custody. But he has the time to spend with him now and he decides to go to his friends house everyday after work, even when he gets home early!! I also don't want Conner growing up without his father, cause me and my brother did. I came out fine, but my brother obviously is a boy and he never grew up right. I just always feel trapped in one aspect or the other.

Swet heart, you need to get out of this relationship. It isn't going to get any better. And if you supported him financially for 3 yrs, before you had a child together then he should cut you some slack about staying home right now.

I'm a SAHM and my husband would NEVER treat me like that! And trust me he comes home to a messy home quite often. He doesn't get on me about it, because he believes its more important for our sons to have my attetion then the home. My husband also has been taking my car to work for the last 9 months because his truck broke and we haven't had the money to fix it, but he lets me take it whenever I want it as long as I pick him up.

Its no wonder you don't think you're in love with him anymore. Good luck hun.

Quoting Crsti:“ Thank you... I was talking with LeAnn and I am thinking that if I get a job and start saving up money ... [snip!] ... out fine, but my brother obviously is a boy and he never grew up right. I just always feel trapped in one aspect or the other.”

As long as you can provide your son in a stable loving home, the courts wont take him away from you. As an impartial 3rd party it seems like he is trying to bully you or scare you into staying in the relationship. You deserve to be treated much better then he is treating you. Just becuase you all end your relationship doesnt mean he has to grow up with out his father. He can still be in the picture with visitation.

Quoting Crsti:“ Thank you... I was talking with LeAnn and I am thinking that if I get a job and start saving up money ... [snip!] ... out fine, but my brother obviously is a boy and he never grew up right. I just always feel trapped in one aspect or the other.”

The only way he would be granted custody of your son is if he can prove that you are an unfit mother and that obviously isn't the case. How much money you have vs. what he has shouldn't be a consideration

Quoting gryphbear:“ Swet heart, you need to get out of this relationship. It isn't going to get any better. And if you supported ... [snip!] ... whenever I want it as long as I pick him up. Its no wonder you don't think you're in love with him anymore. Good luck hun.”

His excuse for not working then was we didn't have Conner... Now we have Conner so I need to stop "being lazy" and if I don't have the house clean everyday, I hear about it all the time. Because I didn't do the laundry for a week , I automatically never do it!! I know I need to get out of this relationship but it's hard when I don't have any money to support my son. I don't want him taken away from me.

Quoting acharper:“ As long as you can provide your son in a stable loving home, the courts wont take him away from you. ... [snip!] ... all end your relationship doesnt mean he has to grow up with out his father. He can still be in the picture with visitation.”

I even told him that he can move up with his mother in Conneticut and I can move to NY because I have so much family there, someone will take me in until I am on my feet.. I was talking to his mom and she said she doesn't blame me but she bullys me too and says "You need money to be able to do that CHRISTIE!!!" I have been with him since I was 17 and I just worry about where he will go, no matter how bad he treats me. I know that Conner can see him anytime, I just don't want to put him through the battle that I know we are going to face.. The last time I tried to leave him, Matt started to cry and cry and said "I have no where to go!!" and then I eventually took him back... I am just weak I guess and am scared because I honestly have never been by myself.

Would you be able to get a part time job for now? You already have a place to live and then you'll have some income of your own. Plus if needed you could probally get help from WIC and/or the state, until your able to do it all on your own. Plus if you choose to end your relationship you should have him paying child support. Please don't feel trapped there are resources out there to help you. And you definatley don't deserve to be treated this way.

Quoting gryphbear:“ Would you be able to get a part time job for now? You already have a place to live and then you'll have ... [snip!] ... Please don't feel trapped there are resources out there to help you. And you definatley don't deserve to be treated this way.”

yeah, I am going to be trying that. I stopped at this restaurant called Village Inn in town today because I used to work at Cracker Barrel for a year as a server and that's during our balloon fiesta which is HUGE here, and it's around the corner so I know I can serve. They told me to come on Tuesday cause they don't have applications until then. I am going to type up a resume, it might sound stupid, butI want them to know that I really want the job!!

Quoting Crsti:“ I even told him that he can move up with his mother in Conneticut and I can move to NY because I have ... [snip!] ... go!!" and then I eventually took him back... I am just weak I guess and am scared because I honestly have never been by myself.”

Now is the time you need to be strong not only for yourself, but for your son. You are a strong woman, but it seems like he manipulates the situation to make you feel sorry for him... thats a sign of a verbal abuser. And you most certainly dont want your son to grow up thinking its ok to treat women this way. The best thing to do if it does turn into a battle is to not let your son get involved or to hear about whats going on.

Only you know whats best for you, but be strong, and dont put up with his crap. If he yells at you about not getting anything done, give it right back to him. tell him how hard your day was, and tell him giving your son the time and attention he needs is more important. The other stuff will get done. But your main priority is your son. If the car is in your name and not his, tell him you deserve to drive it more then he does. Obviously if you are a SAHM he agreed to support you and his son, he has to be reminded of that. Don't let him walk all over you. remind him a relationship is 50/50 and you are taking back your 50% and if he doesnt like, tell him to make sure the door doesnt hit him on the way out

I would do something because he shouldn't be treating you like that.

thanks everyone, I need to go pick him up right now but I will be back later.. Thanks everyone for your advice, I am really listening to everyone.. Iam getting stronger just by listening to you guys.. I am going to set my plan in motion this next week. My mom is off for 2 weeks so I will go job searching. But I need to leave now but I will be back....

Quoting Crsti:“ I am just so upset right now!! I am a SAHM and my son is 19 months old. We currently live at my mom's ... [snip!] ... this was really long but I needed to get everything out so I can just relax for the next hour till I have to go pick him up.  ”

I completely understand. My boyfriend does that to me too. Its like people assume that ur a sahm that u have all the time in the world to get everything done. I learn to ignore it because I know that they would not be able to do it themselves and they wouldnt know wat to do if they were alone. My boyfriend can also be mean sometimes and make stupid remarks about marks on my body or something moved in our room...its so stupid.

Quoting KaY*MaRiE:“ I completely understand. My boyfriend does that to me too. Its like people assume that ur a sahm that ... [snip!] ... can also be mean sometimes and make stupid remarks about marks on my body or something moved in our room...its so stupid.”

Does it really get to you sometimes??? Does he apologize to you and tell you that he really loves you, he is just in denial about himself? He tells me that it wouldn't be that way if we weren't in the situation that we are in... I just get so lost sometimes.