Posted this here for opinions(long kind of)

My older sister has been TTC for about two years. She is bi-polar and she has depression, both of which are medicated and controlled. She seems to have given up on TTC, they have visited fertility clinics and have been doing tests for almost the full two years. They found that her husband has a low sperm count and low mobility. My sister and her husband are both recovering crack addicts and recovering alcoholics.

I worry about her mostly because she jumps at the chance of adoption now. She had put me as a reference on her adoption application. I wouldn't want them to become parents until she can handle it. But recently a woman who is an alcoholic was about to sign over her parental rights to my sister and BIL, and they would become the parents of Tyrell, a 24 month old boy. Well the mother was basically using them as babysitters and people to shelter and buy things for her child that she can sell for alcohol. My sister got screwed, the papers weren't finished and the mother has her son.

I came upon a woman who is pregnant with twins. She has had 10 children previously taken away from her. Social services gave her the option that she could find someone to adopt the twins herself or they will take them at birth. I thought that my sister might think about this. From reading numerous posts on this site of mothers with twins, I can see the struggle that some mothers have. When I told her she jumped at the chance, but I tried to make her understand that this wasn't just one child, this was two possibly born to an alcoholic mother and a drug user. They would be high maintanence(sp?). She complained about the 24 month old. How would she handle twins....??

The main part is that I want to see my sister happy, but I am begining to think that children aren't in God's plan for them. I am on the fence wether they are responsible and willing to give up all they have for children. My mom told me not to tell her anything about children anymore. She acts like my sister has an extreme mental disability. She acts like my sister is 2 years old and like I am talking about popsicles or something. Do you think I was wrong in telling her about these children? And what do you think about their possible parenting skills? Am I so wrong in my assumptions?

If you have your doubts she can handle two, you might want to have her talk to some people with twins (on here or elsewhere) so that she can fully understand what its like. If you have any doubts (for the babies sakes) you should try to talk her out of it. Sounds like she has had her own share of problems, and 2 babies would be hard, especially if they are born with problems.

To be quite honest with you, I would not give her twins or even one child until you are 100% sure they can handle it. If they are recovering from a drug/alcohol problem...what's to say they won't slip? And then what would happen to the kids? A home with drugs is no place to put a child.If they seem stable enough, then go for it. I hope everything works out. Good luck to all of you.

Thank you both for your opinions. I know that these twins deserve a good family and believe that my sister and her husband can be that, but not right now. They have only been trying for two years, I think they should give it more time. It seems she only wanted children since I had my first 2 and a half years ago. She is my sister and I love her very much, and I really wish she could be happy and enjoy her life now without children. I wrote her a note to tell her to join this site and maybe some women on here can give her opinions on trying to concieve and other options. I don't think she calculates it like a lot of woman on here do. I hope she joins. I will introduce her if/when she does.

I really stand by the theory that everything happens for a reason. When your sister is REALLY ready for a child, it will happen, in one way or another. It's awesome that you want her to be happy, but being happy also means being ready for a baby when she is blessed with it! I hope she does reach a point where she will be totally ready and she does get a child, cause nothing is better!

I think if she has only just given up the drugs and alcohol then maybe she should wait a few months but otherwise if she feels she is ready then I dare say she is.
I would just support her and let her know you will always be there for her no matter what.

Quoting TTC for far too long:“ I think if she has only just given up the drugs and alcohol then maybe she should wait a few months but ... [snip!] ... is ready then I dare say she is. I would just support her and let her know you will always be there for her no matter what.”

She has given up the alcohol and drugs a year ago. It would have been two years but she relapsed when her husband relapsed and he was in a comma resulting from a car crash. He has relapsed the last time in February. I honestly think that it should happen later, my sister is only 23 she has a while to have children, but her husband is 43 or 44. And I don't think he has as much time. I just wish she would be happy right now and not rush to have children. I think it will overwhelm her. But I support her no matter what definitly. It is my other family who is unsupportive...

Quoting Shortcake718:“ To be quite honest with you, I would not give her twins or even one child until you are 100% sure they ... [snip!] ... is no place to put a child.If they seem stable enough, then go for it. I hope everything works out. Good luck to all of you.”

i am going to go ahead and put myself out there... if it ever came down to it..i do surely hope that someone would let me adopt their twins, given my past....

i am also bi polar and was diagnosed when i was ten...i am medicated..i am also a recovering drug addict..i have been clean since 12/26/08..i have done a lot of bad things in my life..however..i have a college degree, i am a licensed and working massage therapist, i am also a teacher..i am a wonderful wife.. i have worked extremely hard for the life that i have and desperately working hard to have a child.. it would be a sad thing that just because i made some mistakes in my life, that someone wouldn't allow me to adopt a child..it would be heart breaking..

i have no regrets for the life that i have life because i would not be the appreciative person that i am today... i just hope that people, would have the same respect for everyone's story... with that being said.. she would probably need to be clean for more than a year, to show any kind of stability to raise a child let alone two of them..

i am not preaching.. just expressing my own personal journey

Quoting and her name is faith...:“ i am going to go ahead and put myself out there... if it ever came down to it..i do surely hope that ... [snip!] ... any kind of stability to raise a child let alone two of them.. i am not preaching.. just expressing my own personal journey”

I was really hoping I could get an opinion from someone who has the same type of situation. So thank you for that.

I talked to my sister today more seriously about these twins. I gave her the realities of the situation and she told me about her support system, and she has a REALLY good one! I am proud and just talking to her this morning I am finally beggining to see that she might be able to handle it. This is going to make their family complete, the thing that was bothering me was that my mom treated and still treats her like a child. And it completly changed me when I had children. My children are my life and I love them to death. Children are such a gift and my sister can really benifit from having them. She can afford them definitly, and I think she is emotionally stable to handle children.

Seeing your post made me realise how silly I was in believing bi-polar can make a person struggle so bad. Along with her my cousin is bi-polar also and they have both done really strange and childish things. But I am hoping she has grown up and that she can handle this if these twins come her way.

ok in my opinion..I being a bipolar person that has since recovered and is doing well. If you have any doubt about her having those children it is your duty as a person to make sure you are not putting innocent children in harms way. Specially two very high maintenance children. I am slightly worried about how hard it is going to be to have one normal child with my current condition but I know i can handle it but 2 at once specially for 2 new parents with their history may not be the best idea. You would know best since you know them but you have to think what would be worse.. upsetting your sister or possibly ruining those two babies lives....

Quoting Sherry!:“ ok in my opinion..I being a bipolar person that has since recovered and is doing well. If you have any ... [snip!] ... you know them but you have to think what would be worse.. upsetting your sister or possibly ruining those two babies lives....”

It is nice seeing your point of view also. My sister is aware of the difficulty surrounding the situation now I am sure. But she has a very good support system in helping her raise two children. I hope these babies are not high maintanence mostly because I have 3 children under 3 and it might as well be triplets. There is one comment that worries me greatly in our last conversation though..She said "If you can have 3 under 3 and handle it, then I can raise twins" That makes me think because I do not have bi-polar and I don't think she is seeing the reality of the situation. It is very hard for me, a person with no mental disability(that I am aware of), to raise my children. It was hard from the moment the first was born. It is so confusing, I want her to be happy(or happier then she is now), and I want her to be considered more "normal" then like the "invalid" most of our family considers her to be......
It is very frustrating...


Sorry for some terms I used if they were incorrect. I don't mean any offense by them if they are wrong...

oh no it is completely ok. being bipolar isn't the end of the world for about 75 - 80 percent of people with it. Of course as with anything there are a few that have very severe versions and have difficulty handling everday life but if you feel like she can handle it and you are willing to be on call when she does have her breakdown moments which she will have even if she wasn't bipolar then it should be ok. Good luck. i'll keep you in my prayers!