re: friendships

Quoting Jjnicole330:“ Friendship, is love. Friendship is NOT jealous.Itis give and take. Friendship is someone you can confide ... [snip!] ... we all have the understanding that we all have our own lives, but always keep our friendship intertwined with that life. ”

See that's how I see it "give and take"....It's simple and really not a hard rule to follow...AND everybody benefits from it....

I'm a bad friend. If I have spare time, I want it to be me time. I hate packing up my kids just to go sit in some one else's house to 'visit'. I don't call because I have nothing to say. Yeah, I'm a bad friend. On the other hand. My husband is my best friend. I don't have to make any extra effort to see him, I can tell him all my hopes and fears, we have a wicked amount of things in common, including the most important things, like our children. (And our money! lol) I do have a conventional best friend. We've been 'BFF's' for 13 years. We still celebrate our 'anniversary'. Our relationship works because she's the same way as me. She just wants to stay at home and enjoy her kid. Our relationship is sustained on phone calls and genuine concern for each other's happiness and well being. A friend is what you want it to be. I have several other friends, but it would be a truly dire situation for me to call them in a crunch. My husband and I have what we call "going out" friends. They are the other couples we call when we want to get together for dinner or game night or whatever. We don't generally talk to these friends otherwise. I think a friend is just some one you enjoy conversing with or spending time with. I think friendship can be hate and can be jealous. I think chicks before dicks and whatever else is for when you're in highschool. My husband will always come before my friends.

Quoting Jessica [Slvrmoon]:“ I'm a bad friend. If I have spare time, I want it to be me time. I hate packing up my kids just to go ... [snip!] ... I think chicks before dicks and whatever else is for when you're in highschool. My husband will always come before my friends.”

Don't get me wrong, I am as well selfish with my time BUT I make sure my friends know that I am there 24/7 and that they can rely on me ...And they do..It feels good to know someone needs me (besides my man and child)...It feels good to be thought of....

Quoting chicki-chicki:“ What to you is a friendship? What is a friendship based on? How do mantain a friendship and why be friends ... [snip!] ... are your thoughts when it comes to women and friendships.......Why are they harder to maintain then friendships between men??”

My friendships that are important to me have stood the test of time. I dont have many friends, but the ones I have are family to me. I have been friends with one of my close friends since we were 6, so 19 years now. Real friends are with you through thick and thin, good times and bad.

There are some people that are too into themselves to be good friends, but at this point in my life I think I have weeded all those people out and I am left with just great people in my life.

Quoting chicki-chicki:“ Don't get me wrong, I am as well selfish with my time BUT I make sure my friends know that I am there ... [snip!] ... on me ...And they do..It feels good to know someone needs me (besides my man and child)...It feels good to be thought of....”

I agree. My friends know I'm always there. My favorite song is after all "lean on me". lol. No, it really is! I have been on the receiving end of many late night phone calls. My friends, even the ones I wouldn't go to for advice, seem to think I'm the local information booth. I don't mind. I like it actualy. Makes me feel smart and appreciated.  

Quoting Jessica [Slvrmoon]:“ I agree. My friends know I'm always there. My favorite song is after all "lean on me". lol. No, it really ... [snip!] ... seem to think I'm the local information booth. I don't mind. I like it actualy. Makes me feel smart and appreciated.  ”

Exactly..My girls have called me at all hours, crying, drunk, or b/c their dog ate cocaine...jesus b/c of all kinds of crap but they know I am there and they would do the same for me....
I keep a handful (it's 4 girls) and that's it..There is room for more but they will have to go through a probation period and some serious evaluations and tests...The "drunk" test,the "leave you alone with my man" test, the "call in middle of the night" test and more (brainfart)...

It's serious business.... 

I have very few friends. I like it that way. When you have one or two great people to confide in, you don't need anymore. What I look for in a friend is trust, honesty, and respect. My 'best' friend and I have many more differences than alikes, but it's what we have in common that glues our bond. I adore her very much and I'm glad she's there for me.

Quoting Pr0nkBeth:“ I have very few friends. I like it that way. When you have one or two great people to confide in, you ... [snip!] ... than alikes, but it's what we have in common that glues our bond. I adore her very much and I'm glad she's there for me.”

Nicely put..I agree with every word and feel the same!

Quoting Moon-a-lisa....:“ What to you is a friendship? What is a friendship based on? How do mantain a friendship and why be friends ... [snip!] ... are your thoughts when it comes to women and friendships.......Why are they harder to maintain then friendships between men??”

this is a great topic!

friendship (to me) is a relationship based on mutual trust, respect, and the ability to enjoy each other's company despite differences...

that said, i'm a bit of a lame-ass friend these days b/c of max, b/c of bg consuming so much of my time and consideration, but if any of my real friends were to call me in need, i'd be there.

also, i don't believe it's harder to maintain friendships between women than men. this is-- of course, speaking from personal experience.

men just don't get as emotionally involved as rapidly as women tend to, so they don't set each other up for disappointment. it's also part of the differences and culture of communication between and among men. women tend to go for hard core emotional honesty w/ their real friends, while men rarely open up -- and typically talk shop or berate each other in a friendly way as a sign of their trust and friendship.

that's why men like to have a few women in their lives (usually their wife or gf will do although not always) so that they can access the meat of their emotions w/ someone w/out fear. it is extremely rare for men to have the ability to open up w/ another male outside of dire situations (someone's dying etc.).

i love my male friends but they do not measure up when it comes to the intensity and emotional intelligence of any of my women friends. nick is fabulous but even he often has to play catch up when we get into discussing heart and soul-- when compared to my girl friends... although w/ each passing year, he's become more and more able to analyze and share at the emotional level.

women have a lifetime of training when it comes to knowing and using their emotions and analyzing themselves and others in this context. it's a very valuable tool in relationships and one i prize highly in all of my female friends.

the reason it seems that women have a harder time maintaining friends is b/c they feel more vulnerable b/c they are so emotionally honest with one another, this leads them to feel more defensive b/c they have more to lose on a personal/emotional level in their friendships w/ other women.

typically, when a woman perceives that something is not right or feels defensive for whatever reason, instead of playing it off casually (say, w/ an agressive joke towards the other individual who would then return the caustic banter and thus release some of the emotional tension) as a male has been socialized to do, they instead become defensive, and this leads to some sort of passive agressive behavior -- in order to test out their friend instead of directly confronting (b/c most women have been taught to be considerate of other's feelings instead of honest and direct).

this is one of the things i like about bg-- we have a lot of women who take the high road and chose to be direct and honestly confront one another.

anyway, i believe many of the friendships between women are more emotionally precarious to navigate and that's why they tend to appear more difficult to maintain than male relationships.

the truth is that most men rarely dig in and form real emotional connections and so -- having risked little emotionally, rarely tend to have a falling out as a result.

i love my women friends w/ a deep and abiding love-- i rarely get to see any of them and i miss it. much of my need for decent female interactions these days is fulfilled by lurking on bg and dropping comments and posting here and there.

i'd never make it a policy one way or another based on gender, but i can say that none of my many wonderful male friends quite fit the bill of emotional understanding and sharing that i so value in my female friends. dudes are good for humor and philosophy and some of them shock me (and themselves) when they really open up w/ their emotional honesty, but more women are able to do this as a matter of course-- and do it adeptly, and that's something i treasure -- in any human b/c the communication is that much more intense, real, and personally meaningful.