Can you believe this?

Ok I didn't know where to post this or if I even should, but here goes.

So if any of you have read my profile previously you know that I'm not sure who the father of my baby is. It is either my exboyfriend's, Tom, or from a rape, Brandon. Brandon was one of Tom's coworkers and Tom had even encouraged me to hang out with him because he needed friends since he had just moved here. Yes I did go to the hospital and did a rape kit, but no charges have been filed yet, pending paternity.

Well today Brandon showed up at my door. I didn't recognize him at first so I opened the door. He said he needed to explain what happened and that he was sorry for what he did to me. He begged me to hear him out. I decided to see what he had to say since, honestly, I did want to know what he had to say about it and I wanted to ask him why he had raped me. So he said he didn't know what he was doing until after I freaked out and started to push him off and started crying. I asked him how could he not realize he was forcing me to have sex? He said it was because he had been drunk. I said it didn't matter. He said I didn't understand. I went on to yell at him and call him about every name under the sun. I told him he didn't just rape me and that I could forget about it, it affected me more because now I'm pregnant and there is a chance it was from that. So I yelled some more then told him he needed to leave. He said sorry again and left.

I texted my ex to tell him what happened and he freaked out on me. Tom said he couldn't believe that I hadn't called the cops. Mind you, no charges have been officially filed yet, no restraining order, he wasn't doing anything illegal and I didn't feel immediately threatened so I didn't really feel the need to. My advocate and detective who are working my case told me if it happened to call them instead since the cops can't really do much about it. Anyway, he proceeds to tell me that what I did was stupid and now Brandon will stalk me and try to hurt me maybe even kill me. He said if Brandon had really raped me I wouldve been scared of him. I refuse to be scared of this douche bag, I'm not going to let this effect my life so much that I cower in fear. I'm much stronger than that. So Tom keeps telling me how stupid I am and that I wasn't telling him the whole truth, that I was hiding something. He couldn't believe that I would tell Brandon that I was pregnant. He said I must want this for some reason. Then he says I'm just trying to trap him, Tom that is. His last words to me were if I want someone to talk to then call my detective or advocate because he is done with me.

I'm not sure why I told Brandon about my pregnancy, I guess I wanted him to realize the real impact he made. I wanted him to realize that he raped me and I might have a kid because of it, it won't just be something I can put in the back of my head and forget about. I will be reminded everyday if this kid is his, what am I supposed to do when Gabriel asks who his dad is? Its not like I want child support from this guy because I don't want him around my child.

I just can't believe Tom's reaction. It made me feel worse than seeing Brandon again. I just don't get it. How do I end up the bad guy and pissing Tom off, shouldn't he be mad at Brandon?

I don't understand. Why have no charges been filed yet? Even if this baby is not his, he still raped you.

Quoting KatSepBaby:“ I don't understand. Why have no charges been filed yet? Even if this baby is not his, he still raped you.”

ya?? and I've been hurt like that before...and upon opening the door I would have slammed it in his face, locking it,and ran to my phone to call either the police or the advocate like you said...but I guess we all are different in how we handle and deal with things...so I can see why your ex feels differently than you do...sorry you have to deal with this.

I went through kind of the same thing, I was at a party with a few guy friends, well thought they were friends, and they HAD to have slipped somethin into my drink, i took one shot and passed out for 4 hours, went to the hospital and they said there was no sign of rape and nothing was in my system blah blah blah.. the first person I told was by boyfriend and he flipped, he accused me of lying and all that jazz , because I see the guys around and don't say anything, and because I haven't done anything about it ... There's nothing you can do but assure him you're telling the truth and let him know that you need his support and love more than ever...

Quoting Excited for #2!!:“ ya?? and I've been hurt like that before...and upon opening the door I would have slammed it in his face, ... [snip!] ... how we handle and deal with things...so I can see why your ex feels differently than you do...sorry you have to deal with this.”

I agree. I would have did the same thing... slamming the door and calling my boyfriend or the police.

Do you know why no charges have been filed yet? Or a protective order?

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Are you waiting for the baby to be born to do any paternity testing?

I guess I'd kinda have to agree with your boyfriend. After all that this Brandon guy has done to you I couldn't imagine you even wanting to think about him much less talk to him and allow him to clear his consisence (sp?) With that convo I think Brandon won, b/c now I'm sure he doesn't feel guilty b/c you allowed him to say sorry up close and personal.

I don't know, I just really hope this all works out for you. And I'm so sorry someone did this to you. You're beautiful, try to keep your head held high mama!

I see both sides...

If I were Tom.. I would be upset too. I would want to protect you as much as possible.. and if I weren't there to protect you all the time.. I would of wanted you to call the police as well.

However... If I were you... I would have been interested in what Brandon had to say as well. I am a curious little cat and would love to hear his excuse for what he did. I also probably would of told him about the pregnancy just to let him know that this is a serious thing and he could of possibly changed your life forever in just more than one way. It would of been like you said... for "impact" purposes so that he knows just what he did.

Quoting KatSepBaby:“ I don't understand. Why have no charges been filed yet? Even if this baby is not his, he still raped you.”

No charges were filed in my case either hon, nothing can be proved unless the rape test kit comes back that something happend, and in some cases such as mine, maybe hers as well, it'll be his word against hers, and they could rule it "rough sex damage" instead of rape damage.

Quoting $@])!3..:“ No charges were filed in my case either hon, nothing can be proved unless the rape test kit comes back ... [snip!] ... as mine, maybe hers as well, it'll be his word against hers, and they could rule it "rough sex damage" instead of rape damage.”

I'm not sure whom you're speaking to... I'm a police officer and I have worked plenty of rapes where there is no DNA on the rape kit. It is a much harder case to prove, but it can be done.

I did go to the hospital to have a kit done and they do having evidence and I have filed, they just haven't charged Brandon with it, but the rape is filed and I plan on charging once my pregnancy is over. I was told by my doctor and advocate it might be too stressful for me to handle right now ad might hurt the baby. I am scared to go through with it though because if he is the father he has parental rights.

Quoting Haley (18 weeks left):“ I did go to the hospital to have a kit done and they do having evidence and I have filed, they just haven't ... [snip!] ... right now ad might hurt the baby. I am scared to go through with it though because if he is the father he has parental rights.”

I understand the stress aspect of it and can understand why you are waiting until the pregnancy is over now. However, I can tell you from experience that guys who hurt women like this will do it again. Don't give him the chance to hurt you or anyone else again. Try to be strong. Good luck

Quoting Haley (18 weeks left):“ I did go to the hospital to have a kit done and they do having evidence and I have filed, they just haven't ... [snip!] ... right now ad might hurt the baby. I am scared to go through with it though because if he is the father he has parental rights.”

But he won't get to see the baby if he is a charged rapist...even if he is the dad. And if so, it will be scheduled, supervised visitations...and that is ONLY if he wants them.

Quoting KatSepBaby:“ I'm not sure whom you're speaking to... I'm a police officer and I have worked plenty of rapes where there is no DNA on the rape kit. It is a much harder case to prove, but it can be done.”

Well maybe in Ohio it's different because I went into the hospital and everything, police station, etc. even tried to hire a lawyer, they all said nothing could be proved and that it would be my word against theres, which is about 8 guys, the girls at the party were all gone when I woke up and none of them will come testify.. it's hard to prove and sometimes it's better to let karma take its course then letting the law take its course, i believe karma has harsher punishments anyway.

Quoting $@])!3..:“ Well maybe in Ohio it's different because I went into the hospital and everything, police station, etc. ... [snip!] ... it's better to let karma take its course then letting the law take its course, i believe karma has harsher punishments anyway.”

Well I am sorry to hear that happened to you... every case and circumstances are different though. Like I said before, if he did it once, he will do it again. And he will get caught.

Quoting Haley (18 weeks left):“ I did go to the hospital to have a kit done and they do having evidence and I have filed, they just haven't ... [snip!] ... right now ad might hurt the baby. I am scared to go through with it though because if he is the father he has parental rights.”

I think you're a very extremely strong woman for facing your attacker, I can't do it I can't bring myself to say anything to them, I usually walk or run away whenever they're around ... Good luck and I hope the test comes back that it's your boyfriends (ex's?) because it would be much easier for you and your baby... but karma will give him his punishment if the law doesnt.