Angry but trying to understand

Hello, My husband and I was recently pregnant and had just hit our 13w5d when something just did not feel right in my lowerstomach. I felt a pulling for a few days, ever since memorial day. I did not pay much attention because it was told to me that it was normal due to the ligaments streching and all. But thediscomfort became more uncomfortable and at 38 I did not want to take a chance so I went to the ER. They screened me for a urine infection. But that was not the case. The next thing I knew I was going in to have a U/S. Being a U/S tech I knew how to read the vitals. Immediately I did not hear the wonderful swoowshing sound that I had just had a couple of weeksearlier before we came on our trip. I seen my baby but no movement and definitly NO HEARTBEAT! Alone, b/c my husband had to return to California to finish up some business. I sat there stunned. Thinking' could this really be happening. My baby is dead? About thirty minutes laterthe doctor came in and by the look on his face..it was confirmed...my baby had died. He hugged me and assured me that things like this sometimes happen but nothing caused by you.That hospital allowed me to carry my dead baby in me for two weeks. After mental anguish and no closure. I had to end up going into Memphis, Tn one hour away from Mississippi for their hospital to perform my D&C. My son was born on June 6, 08. we named him Jeremy (he was big enough to tell the sex). I now see other woman that are my age that our big and round and no complications. Going through the terms. I guess Im angry because I was told by three specialist seven years ago that I could never have any more children. I accept it that. My children our now 19 &16. and we were all very excited and delighted to have a chance again. But I was only able to have my little bouquet for a short time. Now, I head back to the doctor on the 18th of June for my check up. They said thatmybaby died of heart failure. That did do me some good. But I ask? If my tubes were shut closed and then years later opened to give me what I had tried so hard to get...then why am Im notstill pregnant. I knowGOD knows what best for us and my husband wants to try again...but I now have reserves on that...Im scared...and yes, my faith is weary. My good friend37 just became a mother again after 14years and although Im very happy for her....I still feel very sad and empty.

I'm so sorry... Its hard moving on when this happens but I hope you'll have some peace soon. At least the docs were wrong about you not being able to conceive. But again I'm sorry.