Am I really that wrong?!

OK ladies. I am here for the brutal honest opinions any and all are willing to share.

***This may be a bit long, but I appreciate all those who can read and share their inputs***

Some of you, may already sortof know my story when it comes to my babys father. I will brief for those who don't know, or don't remember. I was "dating" him for about 3 weeks, when I realized things were just "off" about him, so ended it.
I just ended a 4 year relationship with my ex fiance, but we were still "seeing" one another, (don't believe I need to explain this one).

Anyways, I have been sick for5 years, and I started to get sicker about 2 weeks after me and baby daddy broke it off. I began vomiting blood, so I was rushed to the ER where they did the standard blood tests to see what was going on. Well, suprise suprise, I was pregnant. Which left me to assume it was my fiances, because, well, in all honestly, I believed the 3 times I had sex with the guy I was seeing, was protected. (yes, I know I should have verified).
Anyways, to make a long story as short as possible, me and my ex fiance went nine months, plus delivery believing my daughter was his. Until, out of the blue, "daddy" showed up in the picture, and contacted my ex stating he believes the child is his. So, naturally, we went and got a paternity test.
To my shock, and suprise, it came up his, not my ex fiances. That was beyond devestating for the both of us, because this would have been his first child (that we tried to have), not to mention the first grandchild.

Anyways, things progressed with my childs biological father as to him wanting to take over as dad, naturally.

Now, here is where I need the input from you ladies.

I've only known this man for 3-4 weeks, before I got pregnant. I was under the assumption that we had protected sex, as that was the only thing I ever consented to. I went through the pregnancy and even up to 3 weeks of her life, believing she was another mans daughter. Then out of the blue, the true father shows up, stating he wants to be there for everything.
OK, that's fine.

BUT! On top of everything, he wants her to be under his insurance, but she is covered through mine. He wants her name on the birth cerfticate, and wants to pay child support for her.

OK, not knocking this.

But--listen to my reasonings behind why I have chosen to do what I am doing. Which is not having him on the birth certificate, or on his insurance.

I don't know this man, I don't know if I happen to give this information to him, that he wouldn't use it against me, or worse, run away with her. There'd be nothing I could do but sit through court as I try to get back my daughter.
Not to mention, that I am terminally ill. (Not going into that at this moment). So this is my security blanket to know, that I am taking care of her, that I am providing for her, because this is what I WANT!

I never wanted his help, is this foolish of me? Possibly. Andwhy should I deny his help, when he is willing to give it to me?

Because its a loss of control. I feel that he is only doing the supposed right thing, because he knows my situation. That if I accept his help, he will take me to court to prove that since I am sick, that I am in no means able to provide for my child.
So, by me doing what I am doing, I hope is proving and showing that I can do it on my own.

I do allow him to see her when he wants, we have yet to go to any courts to say that I have to let him see her on this day or that. That he has to pay child support, etc.

Am I a complete fool for taking things into my own hands when I am completely capable of taking care of my daughter? Why do I have to accept help from someone who is willing to do so, if I don't need nor want it.

I would never let my child suffer in anyway, or ever go without the things that she needs/wants.

Not to mention, when the discussion came up about adding her to his insurance, I expressed my thoughts on it, but he instead went BEHIND my back and changed her insurance without my knowledge to his. He also has been contacting my insurance company, my work, and friends to make sure that I am indeed covered with insurance, that I am indeed working, and etc.

I have never once tried to investigate anything about him. Because, frankly, I could give to s**ts about him.

If I am letting him spend time with her, then why is he forcing his support down my throat?

How did you not know you weren't having protected sex?

and to answer your question, no matter your mistake, that is his child he has every right to be with her. Every right to establish a solid relationship with her. No matter if you knew him or not at the time that you chose to have sex with him.

Wow, I am not really sure what to say except I feel for you. It is quite a situation. I can't say what your baby's biological fathers real intentions are... but I can say that he does deserve to be on the Birth Certificate if he wants to be. No contraceptive is 100% so by having intercourse with him you riskedhaving a child with someone you didn't really know. And further more if heaven forbid something did happen to you in the future you child has a right to know who her biological parent is. Especially since he wants to be inthe picture. As for the insurance thing if she if fully covered by you then that is totally unecessary and he needs to back off on that.I wish you lots of luck, this sounds like a very hard situation to bein!!!

Alrighty, this was a long post but I'm going to address it with my honest opinion. I don't blame you at ALL for anything you have done. In fact he was the sneaky one.
You are right, you do not know this man. I think that you have every right to feel the way you do. I think maybe get to know him and then eventually do what you feel is right. But I think you should TELL him how you feel. And honestly. I think sit him down and say, "Look, I am really sorry but I don't want to do this just yet. I want you to be a part of her life and all of that of course but I do not trust you yet nor do I know you. I want to wait until I know you and can trust you to put you on the birth certificate and I want the insurance changed back. I think what you did was unfair and doing so behind my back was really rude, which also gives me reason not to trust you. You can be in her life and that but you have to realize I am her mother as well. It isn't just one person makes the decisions here. She is your daughter she is my daughter. This has to be 50/50 and I don't agree with some of these things."
Or something. Just talk to him calmly and intelligently and throw how you feel out there.

He has a right to be in her life. I'd be over joyed if I was you. Some women don't get that at all. As for him going behind your back and changing the insurance, did you talk to him about it? Maybe there's some misunderstandings going on. Sit down and really talk to him. It is HIS daughter.

Most likely he is forcing the support b/c A: He wants to feel like he is providing for his child he made and B: B/c he might be getting ready to try to take you to court anyway. It sounds like through him investigating you etc he is trying to get "dirt" on you, find out your life etc and try to take you to court for at least partial custody. And he just might get it, seeing as how you're terminal. If he takes you to court and asks for split custody they might grant it to him, in case something happened to you the baby would go to him if that makes sense. And he mght be wanting some court ordered visitations , since you're refusing his money and support he might be thinking you're trying to cut him out of her life. Accept his support if he offers it. All it does is make you look bad IMo, if I were a judge I would see this as you're refusing his support and gifts to his baby and he's trying to be nice and step up and do the right thing and you're just not letting him. It won't look very good for you. But that's just me. I do hope everything works out for you though for the baby's sake.

wow i wish my babys dad would try doing all that stuff for our baby :/ idk hes trying to help out its his baby wether you like it or not [not trying to be rude sorry!] i think you should try getting to know him since you said you know really know him. he's trying to help out and thats not a bad thing some people would kill for they're baby father to help them out like that

I know this is naturally every single moms dream to have the babys father in the picture both, physically and financially.
Trust me, I am/was in all of your shoes when it came to giving this advice to my friends when it came to their babys daddy.

But, I don't need his help. I even stated this to my ex fiance, when we believed she was his. That he did not have to be there if he did not want to be, he did not have to support her in any means. Unless HE wanted to.

Her father buys her things all the time, he tries to give me money for gas, bills, whatever. But I don't need it, and I don't accept it.

I guess my true question in the end is, why do I have to take his support, when I don't want it?

He sees her every time he wants to. I don't deny him of his "rights" to be there for her. I want her to know who her father is, but why do I have to hand over information that has no relevance to her or to him? (my work habits, how I live, who I hang out with).

I guess I am being stupid, but in my eyes, I am doing what is best for her. I just want him to back off of me, so I can take all of this in. And trust me, I have talked to him many of times. He still does what he wants to do.

Like it or not it is plain and simple. It is in fact his kid and he has every right to do everything he is doing. He is forcing it down your throat because that is HIS child to and he wants to contribute to her life even if you can on your own. You dont know him then get to know him. He doesnt know you that much so he is "investigating" and getting to know you. His childs mother so he wants to know. Once you get custody legally established then he cant run off with her and doesnt sound to me like he would. If you ask me he sounds like a awesome guy who is and will be a great father. I am sorry you are terminally ill but he has just as much right as you to that child.

You should take his support when you don't want it because it is not about you it is about your child!!!! Put that money in a savings account with her name on it then. Swallow some of your pride. Once you had that baby you life was no longer just about what you want or need. You are probably doing a fine job on your own, but a little help from her FATHER should not be turned away. It is not help for YOU, but for your CHILD!!! put it towards her college, anything but take the help!

Quoting Photographer83:“ I know this is naturally every single moms dream to have the babys father in the picture both, physically ... [snip!] ... off of me, so I can take all of this in. And trust me, I have talked to him many of times. He still does what he wants to do.”

Suggest he put the money in a college fund for her or take the money yourself and do that. You "have" to take it because like I said he has every right to contribute to her life even though you dont "need" him to.

Quoting Photographer83:“ I know this is naturally every single moms dream to have the babys father in the picture both, physically ... [snip!] ... off of me, so I can take all of this in. And trust me, I have talked to him many of times. He still does what he wants to do.”

yes but he isnt really doing it for you but your baby hes trying to put his part of being a parent and he's tryint to do what best to supposrt they're child even if you need help or not

Thank you ladies. I really do appreciate all the input I was given.

I just need to figure out how to get passed all of this. I am dealing with major health problems, and not to mention, the sneakiness of her father. I just found out the other day about him changing her information, when I told him it was not necessary, because I have her covered under my insurance.

We did talk this afternoon about all of this, and he still to this day, doesn't believe going behind my back is a bad thing.
He wants me to trust him, to accept him in my life, but how can I, when he goes behind my back and does the complete opposite of what I asked him to do.

I will accept his help, and put it in a trust fund for her, or tell him to do that. I guess just dealing with everything I am dealing with, and not having control over my health, I just wanted something that I could control. I feel that if I am more than capable of providing for my child, then why should I be forced to accept help when I don't need it. I guess thats pride for you though.

Quoting Photographer83:“ I know this is naturally every single moms dream to have the babys father in the picture both, physically ... [snip!] ... off of me, so I can take all of this in. And trust me, I have talked to him many of times. He still does what he wants to do.”

Honestly, without being rude, just take it and be grateful. Get to know him and allow him to give you this extra money. Spend it on your child, yourself, whatever. NOT accepting it.. if he would take you to court would make you seem like the bad guy. Do you get it? It just seems negative towards your part. I say just take it, say thank you, but let him know that you don't need it. You don't need to give out any personal info that he's trying to GET from you. Maybe he wants to be involved in your life too?