I lost my Little Angel 9 weeks ago. (Sorry Long Story)

I am having a bit of trouble dealing with the loss of my little son. This is my second time of having my heart ripped apart. I had a m/c in May last year, I went for my 12 week scan and they didn't find a heart beat. The baby was only the size of a 9 week old. I had a D&C. I didn't have any stomach pains and hardly any loss so that was something. I soon went back to work and tried to get into the swing of things. It was so hard.
We found out I was pregnant again late last year. I was so happy, and so was my husband. I was waiting to get past the 12 week scan as I didn't want to get to set on the pregnancy, when this was all ok I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The 18 week ultrasound was perfect. On Wednesday morning I had a small discharge and thought nothing of it. I went to work. Later that night I went to the bathroom and there was another small amount. I phoned the hospital and they said to come in if I am worried, or I could just take 2 panadol and go to bed and see how I go. My husband took me in. I just knew something was wrong. I was trying to tell myself it will all be ok. My husband was also reassuring me. But it wasn't. After about1hr of the nurses taking turns in trying to find a heart beat, they decided to phone my Dr. I was trying to remain clam but freaking out on the inside. I work at the hospital so there was a lot of support from the staff. The Dr arrived and gave the news I didn't want to hear. How could this happen to me again? I was upset then angry at the world.How could I have not known? They kept me in and started me on cervigel Thursday morning until midnight.
The Dr came back Fri at about 6.30am and ruptured my membranes. I also had an epidural which didn't work on the left side of my body. I dont know why and the nurses didn't know either. They thought the labour would be a long one so they only had the epidural on a low dose. Our baby boy charlie was born at 2.30pm and only weighed 290grams. He was 25 wks& 5 days and only 23cm long. He was just so perfect though, this tiny little boy. After an autopy of Charlie the only thing that came back was that he was malnurished and they said he would have died a day or so earlier than I went to the hospital. So he hadn't physically grown anymore since the 18 week scan. But he still had a heart beat only 2 weeks before I lost him.He must have been such a tough little cookie. It just breaks my heart. The Dr said even if they would have picked this up with the next u/s there is nothing they could have done to save him. After lots of poking and proding at me they have found that I have Lupus Anticoagulants - Blood Clotting Disorder. My placenta was clotted
over 50% and the poor little fella couldn't grow. When I came home we had to organize the funeral. I kept it together the best I could. Charlie was due 14th July and I'm hoping when I get past this date it will get a little eaier. Each day does get a little easier and better, but I have my moments. My best friend just had a little boy last week and it is so hard to see her with him . But I am so happy for her.
I feel I have let my husband down so much. He doesn't blame me at all and has been such a great support. It is hard though because he is out of town a lot working, so I just feel so empty and lonely at times.
I am sorry to go on, but I am so glad I found this sight and the wonderful, strong inspiring ladies on here. It has helped me to deal with this knowing I am not alone and there are so many others going through what I am.
Thankyou Lee

I cant even imagine what you went threw thats horrible. Im sorry for both of your losses.

I wish there was something inspiring I could say to you, but I got nothin. Charlie was such a beautiful boy, and him and your other little one are waiting to see you again in due time. You are in my prayers, your husband as well.

my thoughts are with you

Quoting Ms Lee:“ I am having a bit of trouble dealing with the loss of my little son. This is my second time of having ... [snip!] ... It has helped me to deal with this knowing I am not alone and there are so many others going through what I am. Thankyou Lee”

i just lost my little girls. im sooo sorrrry for your loss again. honestly going through not one, but two would rip me apart. you are so strong and one day god will bless you. those babies were just too perfect for earth. after all there is no perfect on earth so how could he allow it now? lol.

stay strong momma

Quoting Ms Lee:“ I am having a bit of trouble dealing with the loss of my little son. This is my second time of having ... [snip!] ... It has helped me to deal with this knowing I am not alone and there are so many others going through what I am. Thankyou Lee”

Your post made me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss. Good luck with everything.

Sorry to hear that . My condolences . = /

Wow. I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry for your loss.  

Thankyou All very much for your kind thoughts.

i lost my son in april. i was 29 weeks and 5 days.... I know how your feeling and im SO SORRY for your loss. i will keep you and your son in my prayers. Be strong cuz he is looking down on you right now smiling.