same old sh*t different day...sigh

Well, I am in need to talk about my husband or else I am gonna go crazy; so thanks in advance to any comments.

I don't know if it's hormones or what, but my husband went back to work after being off for 6 weeks due to ankle surgery this past Monday and I haven't been pleasant. I had my daughter a month ago, so if you think about him not working and me on maternity leave with NO pay.....it hasn't been easy, but we've managed.

His habits, his hygiene, his attitude, his goals (which he don't have), his job (wal-mart)...........it's all just too much for me. I have been at home with our 2 yo and the baby and I am just chillin all day because 1. no money to do ANYTHING 2. tired from being up with Audrey 3. GAS prices. My husband gets paid and what do you know, he gets $10 lunches a day +his pack of cigs everyday........I struggle to make myself a PBJ.

Maybe it's me being use to working since I was 13, or the fact that I am a nursing student so my mind is going nuts from no school, or the fact that I have goals and want to do better instead of being stuck in a rut. I have the term SAHM glued to me now, and to my husband, thats my job......I can't handle not having money. The money he makes barely gets us by yet he can spend it on bullshit while I am budgetting so the kids have diapers. He won't go back to school, he is settling at Wal-Mart which is a shit job........my husband is so smart and has so much potential, but refuses to better himself. Even better, I won't have sex until 6 weeks and he is getting pissy about that.......in fact, he stayed up til 5am this morning looking at porn. Nice hey?

Most of my complaints have been around for a while now. Would you stick effort into a marriage that looks like it's a one way street? I am trying so hard and with a deployment coming up....were in the guard, I don't want to give up. But if there are problems, shouldn't you do everything you can to change it and make things better?

You can only do so much in trying to make it work out. Nothing will come of it if your hubby has no interest in changing...or couple's therapy/marriage counseling...something.

The porn thing is unforgiveable imo. So are the $10 lunches while working at Wal-Mart!! What an idiot...he gets an employee discount, why doesn't he get something from the store itself??

Do you have your nursing certs yet? Maybe you should get a job...even if all the money just goes to daycare, it'll at least get you out of the house and around other adults.

Quoting CatLuvr83:“ You can only do so much in trying to make it work out. Nothing will come of it if your hubby has no interest ... [snip!] ... should get a job...even if all the money just goes to daycare, it'll at least get you out of the house and around other adults.”

I agree!

Quoting CatLuvr83:“ You can only do so much in trying to make it work out. Nothing will come of it if your hubby has no interest ... [snip!] ... should get a job...even if all the money just goes to daycare, it'll at least get you out of the house and around other adults.”

See, the porn thing, really upsets me and I wish it didn't. A man's mind is full of lots of things and I know sex consumes most of it, but damn....Its like a slap in the face.......just had a baby, body is all f-d up (when it use to be sooo f-able..pardon my language, lol), and because I want my crotch to heal properly from a 2nd degree tear.......he stays up til 5am.......he was late to work this morning.....8am. Whats even better, my mother took our daughter for me last night so we could rest......what a dumb ass.

I have my CNA and looking into an internship soon, so I am ready to rock and roll, but finding a sitter for 2 isn't easy.

Quoting just-a-mom:“ See, the porn thing, really upsets me and I wish it didn't. A man's mind is full of lots of things and ... [snip!] ... ass. I have my CNA and looking into an internship soon, so I am ready to rock and roll, but finding a sitter for 2 isn't easy.”

You can't change how you feel in the porn dept. I wouldn't wish for you to get used it! I would wish that he stops it! Geez...he could fantasize in his head for crying out loud instead of perving on a computer.

I only had 1st degree tears (3 of 'em) and DH and I still haven't had sex (12w pp!!) b/c insertion hurts me like a mofo. DH is okay w/ it b/c we've tried 3 times at least...but to no avail. So he does his thing in the shower. He would never look at porn (outside of our homemade stuff lol) b/c I told him I don't like that. And he'd rather me be happy than looking at other naked people. IMO, that's how a husband should be...and a wife for that matter!   I wouldn't let your DH rely on the whole, "But I'm a guy. Porn is just something we do."

As for a sitter. Are there any daycares near you? You may have to go for a center instead of an in-home thing. But your local social services office has a list on file of all daycares, development centers, and in-home caregivers. You can get a copy and go from there...it should have star ratings, addresses, phone numbers, etc.

Very true. I am just feeling like shit I think. My whole physical appearance, clothes don't fit, I feel trapped in the house, my husband probably talks to more strangers than me......I have done nothing but give (laundry, cooking, cleaning, the babies, bjs.......in hope for him to avoid porn, budgeting with money) I guess I would like something in return, but not because he has to, but because he wants to. I wish so bad he would care a little more. Maybe I am thinking too much, but I am 25, can't wait to graduate, buy a house, make money, have a nice big yard for the kids.......he's 29, still doesn't know what he wants to do, sucks with money. We were suppose to work together to be successful.

At least I have 2 beautiful babies 

Quoting just-a-mom:“ Well, I am in need to talk about my husband or else I am gonna go crazy; so thanks in advance to any ... [snip!] ... I don't want to give up. But if there are problems, shouldn't you do everything you can to change it and make things better?”

My husband used to look at internet porn all the time, knowing how insecure I am and knowing how it made me feel - he never cared until I threatened him with our marriage - it was either me or porn - simple as that. I'm a lot smarter than he is when it comes to the computer so believe me, I know he doesn't look at internet porn anymore and I know he doesn't have any movies, either, or magazines....but honestly, we're divorcing so it doesn't matter.

What you're feeling is very valid - I've felt the same way about my husband since we first found out we were expecting May 31st, 2007, and I've resented him for wasting money on $10 lunches as well, beer, scotch, pot, cocaine, $150 shoes, etc...etc....I NEVER buy ANYTHING for myself - literally. We can't afford it and I can't even enjoy myself because of him - he's just a 100% verbally and physically abusive alcoholic who will never change - which is why I'm divorcing him.

But hon, men don't get it...they never will...their minds don't work that way. For example, on May 30th (I know it was then because it was when Sex and the City came out), he said "I need to stop drinking so I can lose weight." Never once did he say he wanted to stop so our son doesn't become an alcoholic or so he won't be physically and verbally abusive towards me, and when I brough that up and how much it hurt, of course he blew me off as usual but then said "so I take it you're trying to get me not to lose weight?" He HONESTLY thought it was about that!!! I was like "Where in the hell did you come up with that conclusion?" Men don't get it and their minds aren't programed that way - I know it's frustrating but most men are just stupid - they're biologically and genetically stupid. No joke.

And him looking at porn (my husband) and I was fat and pregnant and 200 lbs (towards the end) did NOT help....and him staring at every girl and always watching movies just for the nudity (it can literally be the dumbest movie ever made and he will watch it for that) just gets on my last nerve - I still have 20 lbs to go to get back to my pre-preggo weight and all he thinks about is himself.

So I feel your pain - I truly hate my husband, though, and can't wait to start the divorce proceedings on Monday.

Good luck and remember what I said about men being stupid and just not getting it.

Quoting just-a-mom:“ Well, I am in need to talk about my husband or else I am gonna go crazy; so thanks in advance to any ... [snip!] ... I don't want to give up. But if there are problems, shouldn't you do everything you can to change it and make things better?”

Oh and something my mother used to say that's so true is:
"Sometimes love just isn't enough."

Basically, if you love and cherish and adore someone and they don't feel that way towards you just as much (or even halfway as much), then there's no amount of love you can give that will change them....

Quoting just-a-mom:“ Very true. I am just feeling like shit I think. My whole physical appearance, clothes don't fit, I feel ... [snip!] ... he wants to do, sucks with money. We were suppose to work together to be successful. At least I have 2 beautiful babies ”

It may be a maturity thing on his part. Although I hate to say that b/c it's making an excuse for him...

I applaud you for your goals and motivation!!   Don't give up.

I'm thinking worst case scenario would be you working 3 12-hr shifts at the hospital so you're full-time but get to spend the majority of the week w/ your kidlets. And if DH hasn't shaped up by then, call it splitsville...or least a separation. See how he reacts to it. I know divorce sounds extreme, but I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't stick around "for the kids" or b/c you've "invested so many years, why leave now" type thing. The kids need a happy, healthy mom.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ Oh and something my mother used to say that's so true is: "Sometimes love just isn't enough." Basically, ... [snip!] ... way towards you just as much (or even halfway as much), then there's no amount of love you can give that will change them....”

I agree that love isn't enough sometimes, but I don't agree that all men are stupid/inconsiderate.

Quoting CatLuvr83:“ I agree that love isn't enough sometimes, but I don't agree that all men are stupid/inconsiderate.”

No, not all men are - I'm just really angry at my soon-to-be ex husband.

Quoting Future_Chicago_Cubs_Mommy:“ No, not all men are - I'm just really angry at my soon-to-be ex husband.”

totally understandable!!  

i could have been the author of a good portion of your post. i am usually a student and get to work but for the summer i am off of everything and am only going to be a sahm. my husband wrecked his car so we only have mine and he needs it for work. he sees my job as not being easy but better than going to work but i go crazy being at home all day by myself with 2 kids. i love to be busy with everything and i don't know what to do with myself with 3 months off. 
my husband has a fairly good factory job but he keeps spending all of our extra money. the other day he went shopping and spent a ton of money. we are being sued for his accident for damages not covered by our insurance and that is going to cost us $10,000. i just want to save up money so things aren't so hard but he just wants to spend. i hate not having my own money and a car to come and go with as i please. usually i can't complain too much about my husband but i am really pissed off at him lately. he is switching shifts at work going from night shift to morning shift and yesterday he got off of work and got home at 7:30 am and stayed up all day b/c he was trying to get used to sleeping at night. well then he fell asleep at like 3pm and slept all afternoon and then slept until 4am and then was loud playing video games and then kept waking me and the baby up this morning and when i complained he was like it's 11am get up already but i had been up a few times throughout the night with the baby and i was very cranky.

Quoting cassondrahumphrey:“ i could have been the author of a good portion of your post. i am usually a student and get to work but ... [snip!] ... he was like it's 11am get up already but i had been up a few times throughout the night with the baby and i was very cranky.”

Wow, sounds familiar. My husbands car was broke as well and he had to use mine while I was deserted at home with the kids....the walls were starting to cave in on me since I was getting sooooooo sick of being here. My husband is really great with the kids and he does work, so I can't complain about him supporting us, but thats it. Bills get all of his hard earned money and everything extra he has, is smoked away or shit or pissed in the toilet (lunch/coffees) I could honestly make way more if I were full time and I have offered numerous times to start working, but it won't be until August because he has a 3 week training period for the guard and I start school the 23rd. THANK GOD.
I guess I can just do what I want to do as long as I have a plan. There's no reason to not be able to be stable and have some extra money. It's important to me.........very. He thinks I am just bitching and want to control the money...NO, I want to be able to go places, go out to eat, go shopping, not have to say no to going out because I don't have enough gas.......

All I know is, I am a beautiful girl and even though I feel like shit because my body is recovering from babies, my children are everything to me and worth every imperfection. If it's truely important for him to spend money like he's rich, make poor decisions about things, and just settle for less, then I guess I can at least say I tried....and that's what is important; but I won't strain myself because of it either. And if he's not happy, then what can ya do....lots of fishies out there  Wow, very long, haha. Thanks ladies!